ficlet: DS, F/K, prompt: jealousy, NC-17
My entry in the porn battle. Saving a copy here on my LJ.
Everything
I open his door. He looks surprised, then blushes. I step into his room and shut the door behind me. He's wearing only the Henley and jeans. I try to nod and crack a grin. It doesn’t work.
He gives me a sad smile. I step to him to kiss it away.
"Hi," I whisper.
"Hi, Ray," he sighs. His eyes are somber. His hair is wet.
"Miss me?" I ask.
"Of course," he answers, too quick.
"Let's get some food?" I ask.
"I'm not very hungry," he says apologetically.
"Let's go to the movies," I suggest.
"Really, Ray, I have to-"
He stops when I kiss him. I pull back.
"Don't you wanna see me tonight?" I ask.
He stiffens. "Of course," he says.
Our gazes catch. It’s written all over his face. He's already seen Vecchio today. That's why he showered.
I pretend I didn't see it, manage a smile, and kiss him again.
"Thought we could do something nice tonight," I murmur into his lips. "I'll treat ya so special."
"You always treat me well, Ray," his lips quietly move against mine.
"Extra special, then." I untuck his shirt.
"Ray," he protests.
"What."
"Ray-" I silence him with another kiss.
I press my hardness up against him. Now both my hands are on his back. I pull the shirt up, slide my hands around to his front, and pinch his nipples gently. They harden.
I love him more. I don’t even care who knows, now.
His nipples are little nubs now. I've got one hand on a nipple, my mouth on the other, and my other hand on his cock, stroking through the denim. I back him up against the desk and unzip his fly.
"Ray," he says weakly.
"Don't you want me?" My hand goes into his boxers. His cock is in my hand and I'm stroking it fast. "Frase?" I whisper.
He can only answer one way. I guilted him into it.
"Of course I want you," he says wistfully.
I stroke his cock with one hand and his balls with the other.
His hands go into my hair as I kneel.
"Ray," he whispers. "Ray."
"What," I murmur against skin.
"I... I... m-masturbated this morning," he stutters.
Code for It's gonna take me forever to come. I look up, hiding the hurt I feel so deep, the core of me is pain-only pain-nothing else.
He didn't masturbate. Vecchio sucked him off at lunch. Maybe more than once.
"I don't care," I lie back.
I take my time-no point rushing. I slowly perform my mental list of things Fraser loves. It takes what seems like forever, but finally I feel him getting close. His hands in my hair suddenly lighten-like he’ll completely lose control and choke it down my throat, if they don’t.
I wish he would.
Then he's shaking and moaning and coming. I swallow the weak dribbles, half the usual load-
Then I notice the little purple mark on his hip bone. Not from me.
Vecchio's little I was here first.
Fraser's cock slips out of my mouth and I slide to the floor to sit, wiping my mouth. My throat and the back of my neck hurt.
Fraser kneels by me. He holds me and kisses the top of my head. My eyes, wet from deep-throating him, are wetter. I close them.
I fight it so hard I'm shaking.
"Ray," he whispers.
I don't answer.
"Ray," he repeats. "Ray, Ray, Ray."
I open my eyes and meet his. They’re dark with bags under them. I'm not the only one who can't sleep nights.
"I'm hurting you," he says slowly, deliberately.
"I don't care.”
"I do," he replies quietly. "And why are you letting me?"
"I love you," I choke out. I don't say, Don't go. Don't leave with him.
"My love... hurts people,” he sighs. “I should never have let myself love you or-" he swallows “-Or anyone. I’ll understand if you don't believe me. But I truly never meant for this to happen."
I believe him, even though other times I’m so jealous the pain twists me inside out.
“But your love is the best thing I've ever had," I whisper.
“I can’t not love you,” he murmurs into my neck. “And you should have all of my heart. I can’t love both of you, though I do. But I can’t choose. I love both of you too much.”
He never says Vecchio's name.
It hits me like a delayed reaction.
“Don’t go, Frase.”
He sighs. “But then this will end.”
“Don’t go,” I whisper. “I need you.”
I unbuckle my belt.