Moonlight & Moss In The Trees, Chapter Two (for snapshots)
Title: Moonlight And Moss In The Trees - Chapter Two
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, John Winchester
W/C: 1,568
Pairing/Rating: no pairing, gen (this will change in later chapters)
Summary: Dean’s early experiences loving Sammy (pre-series). Dean is only 12, but he knows his little brother is really not okay.
For spn_30snapshots, prompt #10, family
I have loved you as a baby
Like some lonesome child
March 20, 1991
Something had changed, and Dean knew it even without his little brother having to say it out loud. It had started at the last school, in Montana where Sam had started second grade. Sammy had been a little more quiet and withdrawn. He’d admitted to Dean that it was hard for him, being in a different school from Dean, who was now a sixth grader at the junior high. He hadn’t elaborated beyond that, and Dean tried his best to reassure him that he’d get used to it. Dean had hoped Sam would start making friends; he’d never bothered even trying when Dean had still been in elementary school with him.
After Christmas break, they’d moved again, this time to Arkansas, and they both had to be the new kids once more. Dean didn’t especially mind - he didn’t care much for making friends, didn’t see the point when he had to hide so much of this life and when he knew that wherever they were, they wouldn’t be there for long.
Sammy was generally a happy kid; he loved the books he got to read and the projects he got to work on in class. But Sam’s gap-toothed smile, those two front bottom teeth growing back in after the baby teeth fell out, paired with the hole where one of his top teeth had fallen out and another one was pretty wiggly, seemed fairly hidden lately.
It was the first time Dean had been left alone with his little brother for more than a day or two, this time it would be almost a week, and Dean really wanted to prove he could do a good job taking care of Sammy. So during that week, on a Wednesday night after a dinner of pre-made chicken pot pie, Dean finally gave in and asked straight out what had been bothering Sam. The answer wasn’t anywhere close to what he expected.
“I heard some other kids talking about the Tooth Fairy. Like, when your tooth falls out you put it under the pillow and the Tooth Fairy takes it and leaves you like fifty cents or something. I don’t know if they were trying to trick me or if we just move around too much for the Tooth Fairy to visit us. I mean, it’s not like they were talking to me, of course…”
Dean interjected when Sammy’s words trailed off. “Here’s the truth, Sam. There’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy. It’s made up, and parents take the tooth and leave the money. It’s supposed to make losing your teeth a little fun, but don’t you go telling any of your friends at school that, okay? A lot of them really do think it’s true.”
Sam looked down and sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Don’t worry, Dean. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have anyone to tell.”
It was clear that Sammy was trying to be casual about what he’d just said, but Dean wasn’t falling for it. “Come on, we’ve been here two months, you must be friendly with at least a couple of kids in your class.” Sam could be a little shy, but he’d never isolate himself on purpose, or at least Dean didn’t think he would. When there was no answer forthcoming, Dean asked, “I need you to tell me the absolute truth here, Sammy. Are there kids being mean to you at school? Picking on you or something? Is that why you thought those kids talking about the Tooth Fairy were tricking you?”
“It’s not that, Dean. I promise. No one’s mean to me. But…I guess no one’s nice to me, either. Everyone here has known each other since kindergarten so they have their own friends already. I just feel like I’m…I don’t know, kind of invisible. The other kids don’t notice me. I try to stay mostly quiet, but I don’t really want to.”
It sounded like there was more to what was going on with Sam, so Dean tried to work his way into figuring out what it was. “Just because we’re supposed to, you know, keep our heads down kind of, doesn’t mean you can’t make friends with the other kids. Have you even tried?”
Sam sighed and closed his eyes, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. “Not really. I mean, a lot of times when the teacher asks a question, I know the answer and I want to raise my hand but I don’t. When kids get the answer right, they look happy and I know I could get the answers right and I would feel happy too, but I’m not supposed to. I don’t think I am, anyway. Dad always says not to draw attention to ourselves, but I don’t understand why. How come I can’t make friends and raise my hand in class, Dean? It’s just…I don’t know, it doesn’t seem fair.”
Dean, of course, was well aware that the way their family lived was unusual, which led to lots of things that were unfair. He’d recognized it, assimilated, and coped with it for years. His days of questioning these things were long gone, but he probably should have seen it coming; should have known that Sammy was gonna start asking. But how was Dean supposed to answer? Sam was too young to know the truth, but Dean could try to give him as much of it as he could. Maybe if he understood a little better, he wouldn’t be so sad about it.
“Look, Sam, us having to move around so much for Dad’s work is unusual. Somebody who’s in charge might think there’s something wrong with our family. I promise when you’re older you’ll know all about the work that Dad does and you’ll understand that even though it’s important work and he does really good things, other people won’t see it that way and the last thing we need is someone knocking on the door asking questions.”
Sammy’s response confirmed that Dean had done a lame job trying to explain things to Sam. “You mean like me and you staying home and Dad being gone? I never hear other kids talk about their parents leaving them without a grownup. Is that bad? It doesn’t seem that bad, we’re okay on our own, and you always take care of me.”
“I know, Sammy, and I always will. I don’t think it’s bad, necessarily, but it’s not common. You and I know I’m old enough to take care of you, so does Dad, but a stranger might not see it the same way. They don’t know us, and being different from most other people makes it look like there’s something not right. I think you might be taking it a little too far, though. There’s nothing wrong with raising your hand to answer a question, or talking to other kids in your class.”
“I guess it’s just hard to tell what’s okay to do and what’s not, and I don’t want to take a chance and end up being wrong. But with you not there anymore, I just feel lonely. I’m used to at least passing you in the hall or the two of us getting to school and leaving together. I wish I knew when things are gonna change, when we’re gonna stop moving all the time”, Sam replied quietly, showing signs of impending tears. And that would just not do, not at all, if Dean could do anything to stop it. He’d asked Dean (never John) before about when they would finally stop and stay somewhere, just a few times, but enough that it was clearly an issue for Sam; that was one aspect of this situation where Dean would be no help at all, and he hated it.
“This is me telling you that it’s okay to talk to the other kids in class, and to answer the teacher’s questions. None of that is going to cause bad things to happen to anyone, that’s my promise. Maybe not mentioning how often we move would be good, and all I can tell you is that maybe we’ll stop moving when Dad’s done with the work he’s doing now, I don’t know the answer any more than you do. But talking about regular kid stuff and playing…Dad wouldn’t want you to not do that, and I don’t either.”
Sam nodded, still looking a little confused. “Okay. If you say so, Dean. It’s really not that big of a deal, I still have you, even though you’re not at school, we’re together every day. And our family not being like most people’s families, I never thought it was bad or wrong, I think our family is all right just the way it is most of the time.”
“And there’s nothing that’s going to change that, kiddo. Nothing, ever, and that’s another promise. Hey, you know the new Ninja Turtles movie is coming out this weekend. How about if we go see it and eat popcorn with extra butter? What do you say?”
Dean knew he was just trying to get Sam’s mind going in another direction, and Sam probably knew it too, but he readily agreed, and his smile was coming back. There was no way, at the time, for Dean to know that Sam was going to spend the next ten years loudly pointing out everything he thought was unfair and complaining that he’d rather have his family be more like the other kids’ were.
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, John Winchester
W/C: 1,568
Pairing/Rating: no pairing, gen (this will change in later chapters)
Summary: Dean’s early experiences loving Sammy (pre-series). Dean is only 12, but he knows his little brother is really not okay.
For spn_30snapshots, prompt #10, family
I have loved you as a baby
Like some lonesome child
March 20, 1991
Something had changed, and Dean knew it even without his little brother having to say it out loud. It had started at the last school, in Montana where Sam had started second grade. Sammy had been a little more quiet and withdrawn. He’d admitted to Dean that it was hard for him, being in a different school from Dean, who was now a sixth grader at the junior high. He hadn’t elaborated beyond that, and Dean tried his best to reassure him that he’d get used to it. Dean had hoped Sam would start making friends; he’d never bothered even trying when Dean had still been in elementary school with him.
After Christmas break, they’d moved again, this time to Arkansas, and they both had to be the new kids once more. Dean didn’t especially mind - he didn’t care much for making friends, didn’t see the point when he had to hide so much of this life and when he knew that wherever they were, they wouldn’t be there for long.
Sammy was generally a happy kid; he loved the books he got to read and the projects he got to work on in class. But Sam’s gap-toothed smile, those two front bottom teeth growing back in after the baby teeth fell out, paired with the hole where one of his top teeth had fallen out and another one was pretty wiggly, seemed fairly hidden lately.
It was the first time Dean had been left alone with his little brother for more than a day or two, this time it would be almost a week, and Dean really wanted to prove he could do a good job taking care of Sammy. So during that week, on a Wednesday night after a dinner of pre-made chicken pot pie, Dean finally gave in and asked straight out what had been bothering Sam. The answer wasn’t anywhere close to what he expected.
“I heard some other kids talking about the Tooth Fairy. Like, when your tooth falls out you put it under the pillow and the Tooth Fairy takes it and leaves you like fifty cents or something. I don’t know if they were trying to trick me or if we just move around too much for the Tooth Fairy to visit us. I mean, it’s not like they were talking to me, of course…”
Dean interjected when Sammy’s words trailed off. “Here’s the truth, Sam. There’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy. It’s made up, and parents take the tooth and leave the money. It’s supposed to make losing your teeth a little fun, but don’t you go telling any of your friends at school that, okay? A lot of them really do think it’s true.”
Sam looked down and sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Don’t worry, Dean. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have anyone to tell.”
It was clear that Sammy was trying to be casual about what he’d just said, but Dean wasn’t falling for it. “Come on, we’ve been here two months, you must be friendly with at least a couple of kids in your class.” Sam could be a little shy, but he’d never isolate himself on purpose, or at least Dean didn’t think he would. When there was no answer forthcoming, Dean asked, “I need you to tell me the absolute truth here, Sammy. Are there kids being mean to you at school? Picking on you or something? Is that why you thought those kids talking about the Tooth Fairy were tricking you?”
“It’s not that, Dean. I promise. No one’s mean to me. But…I guess no one’s nice to me, either. Everyone here has known each other since kindergarten so they have their own friends already. I just feel like I’m…I don’t know, kind of invisible. The other kids don’t notice me. I try to stay mostly quiet, but I don’t really want to.”
It sounded like there was more to what was going on with Sam, so Dean tried to work his way into figuring out what it was. “Just because we’re supposed to, you know, keep our heads down kind of, doesn’t mean you can’t make friends with the other kids. Have you even tried?”
Sam sighed and closed his eyes, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. “Not really. I mean, a lot of times when the teacher asks a question, I know the answer and I want to raise my hand but I don’t. When kids get the answer right, they look happy and I know I could get the answers right and I would feel happy too, but I’m not supposed to. I don’t think I am, anyway. Dad always says not to draw attention to ourselves, but I don’t understand why. How come I can’t make friends and raise my hand in class, Dean? It’s just…I don’t know, it doesn’t seem fair.”
Dean, of course, was well aware that the way their family lived was unusual, which led to lots of things that were unfair. He’d recognized it, assimilated, and coped with it for years. His days of questioning these things were long gone, but he probably should have seen it coming; should have known that Sammy was gonna start asking. But how was Dean supposed to answer? Sam was too young to know the truth, but Dean could try to give him as much of it as he could. Maybe if he understood a little better, he wouldn’t be so sad about it.
“Look, Sam, us having to move around so much for Dad’s work is unusual. Somebody who’s in charge might think there’s something wrong with our family. I promise when you’re older you’ll know all about the work that Dad does and you’ll understand that even though it’s important work and he does really good things, other people won’t see it that way and the last thing we need is someone knocking on the door asking questions.”
Sammy’s response confirmed that Dean had done a lame job trying to explain things to Sam. “You mean like me and you staying home and Dad being gone? I never hear other kids talk about their parents leaving them without a grownup. Is that bad? It doesn’t seem that bad, we’re okay on our own, and you always take care of me.”
“I know, Sammy, and I always will. I don’t think it’s bad, necessarily, but it’s not common. You and I know I’m old enough to take care of you, so does Dad, but a stranger might not see it the same way. They don’t know us, and being different from most other people makes it look like there’s something not right. I think you might be taking it a little too far, though. There’s nothing wrong with raising your hand to answer a question, or talking to other kids in your class.”
“I guess it’s just hard to tell what’s okay to do and what’s not, and I don’t want to take a chance and end up being wrong. But with you not there anymore, I just feel lonely. I’m used to at least passing you in the hall or the two of us getting to school and leaving together. I wish I knew when things are gonna change, when we’re gonna stop moving all the time”, Sam replied quietly, showing signs of impending tears. And that would just not do, not at all, if Dean could do anything to stop it. He’d asked Dean (never John) before about when they would finally stop and stay somewhere, just a few times, but enough that it was clearly an issue for Sam; that was one aspect of this situation where Dean would be no help at all, and he hated it.
“This is me telling you that it’s okay to talk to the other kids in class, and to answer the teacher’s questions. None of that is going to cause bad things to happen to anyone, that’s my promise. Maybe not mentioning how often we move would be good, and all I can tell you is that maybe we’ll stop moving when Dad’s done with the work he’s doing now, I don’t know the answer any more than you do. But talking about regular kid stuff and playing…Dad wouldn’t want you to not do that, and I don’t either.”
Sam nodded, still looking a little confused. “Okay. If you say so, Dean. It’s really not that big of a deal, I still have you, even though you’re not at school, we’re together every day. And our family not being like most people’s families, I never thought it was bad or wrong, I think our family is all right just the way it is most of the time.”
“And there’s nothing that’s going to change that, kiddo. Nothing, ever, and that’s another promise. Hey, you know the new Ninja Turtles movie is coming out this weekend. How about if we go see it and eat popcorn with extra butter? What do you say?”
Dean knew he was just trying to get Sam’s mind going in another direction, and Sam probably knew it too, but he readily agreed, and his smile was coming back. There was no way, at the time, for Dean to know that Sam was going to spend the next ten years loudly pointing out everything he thought was unfair and complaining that he’d rather have his family be more like the other kids’ were.