(no subject)
a note of sheer injustice.
i havent been myself lately. and today was the first time i actually realized it. it has opened doors i have never seen behind before.
i realize how incredibly tragic it is here for myself and my friends. i often think of myself too often, and when i think of my friends i become depressed. two of my friends have it horrible, one of my friends cant stand himself or the place he lives in. why must we suffer everyday knowing that we work our jobs to keep such a worthless life kicking.
one of my friends told me today she just got out of the hospital for reasons which hit too close to home.
i feel so shitty as to know how horrible of a friend i am. i can't believe people actually stand to befriend me and my stupid ideals, my slow-minded nonsense.
i talked with my parents for over an hour about a vacation they took me on when i was young. i could recall most of it. that's when i realized that my life is wasted. i remembered my stepfather telling me to look at the mountians as they were beautiful and i would only appreciate them when i realized that i lost out. i didn't lose out. i looked. but i didn't take it for what it was. now i do.
i know that the mountians are just a representation that we are not humans, not individual, not meaningful, nothing. we are product of an earth we continually destroy in the name of economics and god. it's disgusting. and yet, our earth sits and revolves and waits for the day to end.
i wish the day would end. all sins purged. future sins forgotten.
i want to be a better person and i have no idea how.
fuck, what a life.
i havent been myself lately. and today was the first time i actually realized it. it has opened doors i have never seen behind before.
i realize how incredibly tragic it is here for myself and my friends. i often think of myself too often, and when i think of my friends i become depressed. two of my friends have it horrible, one of my friends cant stand himself or the place he lives in. why must we suffer everyday knowing that we work our jobs to keep such a worthless life kicking.
one of my friends told me today she just got out of the hospital for reasons which hit too close to home.
i feel so shitty as to know how horrible of a friend i am. i can't believe people actually stand to befriend me and my stupid ideals, my slow-minded nonsense.
i talked with my parents for over an hour about a vacation they took me on when i was young. i could recall most of it. that's when i realized that my life is wasted. i remembered my stepfather telling me to look at the mountians as they were beautiful and i would only appreciate them when i realized that i lost out. i didn't lose out. i looked. but i didn't take it for what it was. now i do.
i know that the mountians are just a representation that we are not humans, not individual, not meaningful, nothing. we are product of an earth we continually destroy in the name of economics and god. it's disgusting. and yet, our earth sits and revolves and waits for the day to end.
i wish the day would end. all sins purged. future sins forgotten.
i want to be a better person and i have no idea how.
fuck, what a life.