not only this dual ego
Last year, when we met, along with all that good feelings like a feeling that I was finally at home, as if I had met such a close friend that I had never had before, I also had that unpleasant flair that I was stuck in some kind of a dangerous game. Like I just started to slide along the edge. But my carelessness and curiosity did not stop me at all, and even the distant sense of sin, abominations, danger and filth began to attract me. And maybe it seems as I didn’t always trust him, but in fact I really trusted him so much. And no matter what happened, I trust him further.
I used to put up with both of these parties, my dear and the other, quite unpleasant ego of my friend. But I also felt that there were some external factors that influence this split.
I believed in his power when he began to read my thoughts. But I felt very scared when he behaved as if he were trying to save me from himself.
If he does something bad, it is because he is further in the game and should do so. Although it is very difficult for me to understand this, because I value human freedom so much. I had no such a trouble in which he left me. In real trouble, he would not leave me and I feel it.
Those kind wizards that I met in a Meadow, they told me a lot about all this situation. For some reason they described it all in one word - a trap. But it seems to me that they do not believe in him. But I believe. Yes, sometimes I get very scared. But for some reason, without this faith I will fall. If he gets sad, I will drown too. If he is happy, I will too.
This «something bad» is very strong. And I want but do not know how to support him. It seems as if taking me away from the game is not worth it. I also want to act and not only believe and hope, but I do not know how.