[EXO] Just Keep Swimming
Title: Just Keep Swimming
Fandom: EXO
Rating: G
Genre: oh god crack
Word count: 1,517
Pairing: Kray/Krispy Lays
Summary: (AU) Wufan makes a mental note to definitely ban all movies from now on. Movies give Yixing ideas, and Yixing with ideas is dangerous.
Notes: JQ THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT WHY WHY WHY
I’m going back to Doctor Who AU now. I’m leaving. I am so done.
Wufan was sitting on the sofa, watching a movie with his boyfriend while trying to surreptitiously slide his hand up said boyfriend's shirt, when Yixing suddenly turned to him with intent clear in his eyes.
"There's this party I want to go to," he said.
"Okay," Wufan blinked, "That's... okay."
"I think you should go with me."
Again Wufan blinked. It felt like he was missing a vital part of this conversation.
"... Okay?" he said again.
"It's a Halloween costume party," Yixing said.
"No."
"You could be Marlin and I could be Dory," Yixing said, pointing to the screen.
Wufan wondered once again why his life consisted of trying to seduce his boyfriend to the background noise of Finding Nemo, but he supposed that was all part and parcel of dating Zhang Yixing.
"No," he said again, trying to make it clear that this was final.
"You have that orange and white striped sweater I gave you last week," Yixing argued, "It would be perfect."
"Exactly how long have you been planning this?"
"Two and a half weeks. Will you go to the party with me?"
"Are there pigs flying past that window over there? No? Then no, I will not."
Yixing left the room in a huff and Wufan stared morosely at a sea turtle swimming across the screen. He hadn't even made it to second base this time.
~~
Yixing sulked for days afterwards. All their friends took to giving Wufan disappointed looks, which he thought was very unfair. It was not unreasonable to refuse to spend his evening embarrassing himself at a frat costume party.
"If it's a frat party," said Jongdae as they crossed paths on their way to class, "There's not going to be anyone there whose opinions matter anyway, and they'll probably all be drunk too. Why do you care?"
Wufan flipped him off and kept walking.
At lunchtime, Tao slid into the seat next to him and sighed.
"Yixing ge looks really sad," he said, "You should make him happy and just go to the party with him."
Jongin claimed the seat across the table and spread three trays of food out in front of him. Wufan tried to figure out how he'd been carrying all of them.
"He can hold a mad grudge," said Jongin, picking up a slice of pizza and taking a huge bite, "I saw him at dance practice last night and he looked super pissed."
"By which you mean, his eyebrows were about a centimeter lower than usual," Wufan sighed.
"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that," Jongin said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes, "Why are you dating someone with about as much facial mobility as a .jpg image?"
"It's cute," said Tao as he piled napkins next to Jongin's elbow which went largely ignored, "He zones out and looks so startled when you poke him to get his attention."
"Well, you're certainly one to judge on what's 'cute', now aren't you?" Wufan said dryly, glancing at Jongin and digging out his phone from where it was buzzing in his pocket.
It was a text from Luhan.
Don't be a bitch, it read, Yixing never got to go trick-or-treating as a kid.
Wufan groaned and buried his face in his arms.
~~
"Fine, I'll go."
Yixing looked up from his book immediately.
"Really?" he asked happily.
"Against my better judgement," Wufan sighed, "Yes."
Yixing got up from the armchair and moved to finally join Wufan on the sofa. He snuggled up cheerfully and stuck his cold feet under Wufan's leg.
"It'll be fun," he said, "I promise."
"You said that about the Easter egg hunt too," Wufan pointed out.
"That was fun, wasn't it?" Yixing smirked, "Especially the part with the hay loft and the garden hose-"
"Yes, okay," Wufan cut him off in a hurry, "But I know you... This is not going to go anything close to plan if I let you have anything to do with this. I'd like to be able to show my face on the street the next day."
"You get embarrassed too easily," Yixing shrugged, "Everything will be fine. You'll be Marlin, I'll be Dory, everyone will laugh and appreciate our clever costumes, we will get drunk off our asses and make out in a corner all night."
Wufan sighed and took Yixing's hand. He picked a pen up off the floor and started writing.
"What are you doing?" Yixing tried to peer past Wufan's arm.
"I'm making sure you remember the plan," Wufan said with a pen cap clenched in his teeth, "I'm not leaving anything to chance."
"That's cute," Yixing said, "You're cute. Also paranoid."
"I have reason to be. My name is not Wufan while I am at this party. I am Kris."
"There, there," Yixing patted his head, "Everything will be fine."
~~
On the night of the party, Minseok came over to help Wufan get his costume pulled together. Yixing apparently had to stay late at the dance studio, so Jongin, Sehun, and Chanyeol would be helping him with his costume and he'd meet them all at the party. Wufan tried not to panic at the thought.
Luhan was lying on his sofa, eating leftover kimbap and being particularly unhelpful, when Wufan finally emerged in his costume. Luhan choked on the mouthful of food and fell off the sofa.
"Why are you laughing," Wufan glared.
"Your hair! And your face!"
Luhan was incoherent and Wufan turned to get a look at himself in the hallway mirror. Minseok had slicked his hair up into the shape of a fish fin and had covered his face in clownfish markings in bright orange and white. Wufan remembered belatedly that he had the worst friends in the world.
"No one was going to be able to tell what I'm supposed to be just from the sweater," he crossed his arms, "What are you dressed up as, anyway?"
Luhan stood up and shook out his long robe.
"I am Princess Yue," he said, "Don't you watch Avatar?"
"No, not really. At least the ethereal princess look really works for you. I wondered for a second if you were even wearing a costume."
"You know," said Luhan, "For a clownfish, he's really not all that funny."
"He's very in-character," said Minseok, coming up behind Wufan with a spray can, "Hold still, your hair doesn't match yet."
~~
Everyone ended up tagging along to the party, and Wufa- no, Kris. He was Kris now. Kris thought that this was probably because Luhan had snapped a picture of him on his phone and sent out a mass text. Certainly that's the only reason he could think of that Oh Sehun would show up at a frat party.
"It looks even more amazing in real life," Sehun said, sounding awed.
"I don't like any of you," Wuf- Kris said grumpily, scaring off a staring girl with a glare, "I don't know any of you, in fact. Where's Yixing?"
"I don't know," Sehun shrugged, "I haven't seen him."
"Some help you are. Why don't you go-"
"Wufan! There you are!"
Wufan turned with a wince.
"Yixing, I told you I'm not using my real na-"
He broke off in shock. That was... an awful lot of beard. Fish didn't usually have beards, did they? Or carry axes? It's true he had been somewhat distracted the last time they had watched Finding Nemo, but he's pretty sure he would have remembered axes.
"What on earth are you dressed as?" Wufan asked weakly.
"Dori" said Yixing, "From The Hobbit."
Wufan wondered if this was what going mad felt like. Yixing looked sheepish.
"Chanyeol bought the wrong costume," he explained, "I told him what you wrote on my hand, but he thought it was the wrong Dori."
He looked up at Wufan's bright orange hair fin and tried to hide a smile.
"You look good, though," he said, "Very true to character."
"Everyone keeps saying that," Wufan groaned.
"I picked out a good costume for you, then," Yixing said cheerfully, "You've certainly got the disgruntled fish look down."
"I'm not letting you watch movies anymore," said Wufan fervently, "You get ideas and ideas are dangerous."
"Speaking of movies and ideas," said Yixing, "I think this is the part where we find a corner of the kitchen and traumatize anyone who comes in looking for more plastic cups."
Wufan was about to agree wholeheartedly when Baekhyun suddenly came bouncing up to them.
"There you guys are!" he exclaimed, "I've been looking for you everywhere. You just won the night's costume contest! 'Marlin and Dori'... what a great pun! Everyone loved it!"
No, Wufan thought, This must be what going mad feels like.
(He changed his mind once again when he cornered Chanyeol an hour later.
"What?" Chanyeol laughed, "But Yixing bought his costume himself. I almost died laughing when I saw it, though. You guys are so hilarious all the time."
Wufan made a mental note to definitely ban all movies from then on.)
Fandom: EXO
Rating: G
Genre: oh god crack
Word count: 1,517
Pairing: Kray/Krispy Lays
Summary: (AU) Wufan makes a mental note to definitely ban all movies from now on. Movies give Yixing ideas, and Yixing with ideas is dangerous.
Notes: JQ THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT WHY WHY WHY
I’m going back to Doctor Who AU now. I’m leaving. I am so done.
Wufan was sitting on the sofa, watching a movie with his boyfriend while trying to surreptitiously slide his hand up said boyfriend's shirt, when Yixing suddenly turned to him with intent clear in his eyes.
"There's this party I want to go to," he said.
"Okay," Wufan blinked, "That's... okay."
"I think you should go with me."
Again Wufan blinked. It felt like he was missing a vital part of this conversation.
"... Okay?" he said again.
"It's a Halloween costume party," Yixing said.
"No."
"You could be Marlin and I could be Dory," Yixing said, pointing to the screen.
Wufan wondered once again why his life consisted of trying to seduce his boyfriend to the background noise of Finding Nemo, but he supposed that was all part and parcel of dating Zhang Yixing.
"No," he said again, trying to make it clear that this was final.
"You have that orange and white striped sweater I gave you last week," Yixing argued, "It would be perfect."
"Exactly how long have you been planning this?"
"Two and a half weeks. Will you go to the party with me?"
"Are there pigs flying past that window over there? No? Then no, I will not."
Yixing left the room in a huff and Wufan stared morosely at a sea turtle swimming across the screen. He hadn't even made it to second base this time.
~~
Yixing sulked for days afterwards. All their friends took to giving Wufan disappointed looks, which he thought was very unfair. It was not unreasonable to refuse to spend his evening embarrassing himself at a frat costume party.
"If it's a frat party," said Jongdae as they crossed paths on their way to class, "There's not going to be anyone there whose opinions matter anyway, and they'll probably all be drunk too. Why do you care?"
Wufan flipped him off and kept walking.
At lunchtime, Tao slid into the seat next to him and sighed.
"Yixing ge looks really sad," he said, "You should make him happy and just go to the party with him."
Jongin claimed the seat across the table and spread three trays of food out in front of him. Wufan tried to figure out how he'd been carrying all of them.
"He can hold a mad grudge," said Jongin, picking up a slice of pizza and taking a huge bite, "I saw him at dance practice last night and he looked super pissed."
"By which you mean, his eyebrows were about a centimeter lower than usual," Wufan sighed.
"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that," Jongin said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes, "Why are you dating someone with about as much facial mobility as a .jpg image?"
"It's cute," said Tao as he piled napkins next to Jongin's elbow which went largely ignored, "He zones out and looks so startled when you poke him to get his attention."
"Well, you're certainly one to judge on what's 'cute', now aren't you?" Wufan said dryly, glancing at Jongin and digging out his phone from where it was buzzing in his pocket.
It was a text from Luhan.
Don't be a bitch, it read, Yixing never got to go trick-or-treating as a kid.
Wufan groaned and buried his face in his arms.
~~
"Fine, I'll go."
Yixing looked up from his book immediately.
"Really?" he asked happily.
"Against my better judgement," Wufan sighed, "Yes."
Yixing got up from the armchair and moved to finally join Wufan on the sofa. He snuggled up cheerfully and stuck his cold feet under Wufan's leg.
"It'll be fun," he said, "I promise."
"You said that about the Easter egg hunt too," Wufan pointed out.
"That was fun, wasn't it?" Yixing smirked, "Especially the part with the hay loft and the garden hose-"
"Yes, okay," Wufan cut him off in a hurry, "But I know you... This is not going to go anything close to plan if I let you have anything to do with this. I'd like to be able to show my face on the street the next day."
"You get embarrassed too easily," Yixing shrugged, "Everything will be fine. You'll be Marlin, I'll be Dory, everyone will laugh and appreciate our clever costumes, we will get drunk off our asses and make out in a corner all night."
Wufan sighed and took Yixing's hand. He picked a pen up off the floor and started writing.
"What are you doing?" Yixing tried to peer past Wufan's arm.
"I'm making sure you remember the plan," Wufan said with a pen cap clenched in his teeth, "I'm not leaving anything to chance."
"That's cute," Yixing said, "You're cute. Also paranoid."
"I have reason to be. My name is not Wufan while I am at this party. I am Kris."
"There, there," Yixing patted his head, "Everything will be fine."
~~
On the night of the party, Minseok came over to help Wufan get his costume pulled together. Yixing apparently had to stay late at the dance studio, so Jongin, Sehun, and Chanyeol would be helping him with his costume and he'd meet them all at the party. Wufan tried not to panic at the thought.
Luhan was lying on his sofa, eating leftover kimbap and being particularly unhelpful, when Wufan finally emerged in his costume. Luhan choked on the mouthful of food and fell off the sofa.
"Why are you laughing," Wufan glared.
"Your hair! And your face!"
Luhan was incoherent and Wufan turned to get a look at himself in the hallway mirror. Minseok had slicked his hair up into the shape of a fish fin and had covered his face in clownfish markings in bright orange and white. Wufan remembered belatedly that he had the worst friends in the world.
"No one was going to be able to tell what I'm supposed to be just from the sweater," he crossed his arms, "What are you dressed up as, anyway?"
Luhan stood up and shook out his long robe.
"I am Princess Yue," he said, "Don't you watch Avatar?"
"No, not really. At least the ethereal princess look really works for you. I wondered for a second if you were even wearing a costume."
"You know," said Luhan, "For a clownfish, he's really not all that funny."
"He's very in-character," said Minseok, coming up behind Wufan with a spray can, "Hold still, your hair doesn't match yet."
~~
Everyone ended up tagging along to the party, and Wufa- no, Kris. He was Kris now. Kris thought that this was probably because Luhan had snapped a picture of him on his phone and sent out a mass text. Certainly that's the only reason he could think of that Oh Sehun would show up at a frat party.
"It looks even more amazing in real life," Sehun said, sounding awed.
"I don't like any of you," Wuf- Kris said grumpily, scaring off a staring girl with a glare, "I don't know any of you, in fact. Where's Yixing?"
"I don't know," Sehun shrugged, "I haven't seen him."
"Some help you are. Why don't you go-"
"Wufan! There you are!"
Wufan turned with a wince.
"Yixing, I told you I'm not using my real na-"
He broke off in shock. That was... an awful lot of beard. Fish didn't usually have beards, did they? Or carry axes? It's true he had been somewhat distracted the last time they had watched Finding Nemo, but he's pretty sure he would have remembered axes.
"What on earth are you dressed as?" Wufan asked weakly.
"Dori" said Yixing, "From The Hobbit."
Wufan wondered if this was what going mad felt like. Yixing looked sheepish.
"Chanyeol bought the wrong costume," he explained, "I told him what you wrote on my hand, but he thought it was the wrong Dori."
He looked up at Wufan's bright orange hair fin and tried to hide a smile.
"You look good, though," he said, "Very true to character."
"Everyone keeps saying that," Wufan groaned.
"I picked out a good costume for you, then," Yixing said cheerfully, "You've certainly got the disgruntled fish look down."
"I'm not letting you watch movies anymore," said Wufan fervently, "You get ideas and ideas are dangerous."
"Speaking of movies and ideas," said Yixing, "I think this is the part where we find a corner of the kitchen and traumatize anyone who comes in looking for more plastic cups."
Wufan was about to agree wholeheartedly when Baekhyun suddenly came bouncing up to them.
"There you guys are!" he exclaimed, "I've been looking for you everywhere. You just won the night's costume contest! 'Marlin and Dori'... what a great pun! Everyone loved it!"
No, Wufan thought, This must be what going mad feels like.
(He changed his mind once again when he cornered Chanyeol an hour later.
"What?" Chanyeol laughed, "But Yixing bought his costume himself. I almost died laughing when I saw it, though. You guys are so hilarious all the time."
Wufan made a mental note to definitely ban all movies from then on.)