fic: "The Realization of a Lifetime" 9/18 (Logan/Veronica) PG-13
Title: "The Realization of a Lifetime" 9/18
Author: love_is_epic
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Word count: 3908, this chapter; 22,022 so far all together
Characters: Logan, Veronica, Connor, pretty much the whole ensemble, lots of OCs
Pairings: Logan/Veronica (of course), Connor/Veronica, Logan/OFC, OMC/Veronica
Spoilers: all three seasons
Summary: Veronica realizes that she can't live her life without a certain someone in it... will it be too late? Futurefic that picks up where season 3 leaves off.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Veronica Mars characters. That's all Rob Thomas.
A/N: Previous chapters under the cut.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8
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2 years and 5 months ago
Logan sat in the living room of his new beachfront house, examining the contents spread across the coffee table, drinking whatever was in his glass. These days he wasn’t too particular. Whiskey, gin, vodka, as long as it was hard and numbing, he didn’t care. He had finally moved out of the Neptune Grand because there were just too many memories. Duncan, Cassidy, Kendall, but mostly Veronica. She was everywhere, in every memory, laced into every piece of furniture, every wall. And god... he hated that damn door. She had used it so many times to walk out of his life. He just couldn’t stand to look at the theoretical divider between what she was willing to give and what he was willing to take, anymore.
He had thought by moving out he would be able to start anew, maybe even find love somewhere else, with someone else. But who was he kidding? It wasn’t the Presidential Suite at the Neptune Grand that Veronica was woven into, it was his very being. Their lives had become so intertwined he couldn’t distinguish his life with her from his life without her. Well if it wasn't for the gaping hole in his chest, anyway. Even when they weren’t together their hearts had always beat the same rhythm, their lungs sharing the same breath. Or so he thought. Which is why it was so hard to believe that she didn’t feel the same way anymore. She just couldn’t.
So now, he was staring intently at the countless photos, schedules, and notes given to him by the private investigator he had hired to follow Veronica, still looking for answers to his blatantly rhetorical question. Why? Logan knew he was obsessive and he could care less. He had spent the last year of his life trying to figure out why Veronica, his Veronica didn’t care anymore. Hell, he knew what she had said at the Grand that night, and even at her apartment the morning he had confronted her. But they were epic and he had to believe that. Something had to be keeping Veronica from wanting any contact at all. He could read Veronica’s nuances like a book and he’d seen the desirepassionloveforeternity in her eyes that day. Even when they weren’t together they had often reserved their best demeaning material for each other. An odd game of sadistic foreplay. She hadn’t even been doing that. In fact the morning he came to her apartment after the altercation in the Hearst café was the last time they had spoken.
And then his brain, which he tried unsuccessfully to keep from working, thought of the letter. That damn letter. That soul-wrenching, gut-twisting, heart-tearing letter. And in her own handwriting, too. Like she had taken extra special care to sever his heart into intricate pieces that only she could put back together. And she was never going to. He’d never be whole again, she had made sure of that.
Damn her.
Ever the masochist he dug out the letter for about the thousandth time since he received it last month. Maybe he was just hoping he had read it wrong, that somehow the words had miraculously changed.
Logan,
I was hoping it wasn’t going to have to come to this but you’ve left me no other choice. I know you hired a private investigator to follow me, the business really is close knit you know. Please stop. I don’t know any other way to put it any clearer. I don’t love you, not like you want me to.
There is something that you don’t know and I haven’t had the heart to tell you before now. I’ve been keeping in contact with Duncan. I’m sorry Logan, but I love him. I love Duncan. I always have and I always will. I know that you think I’m just searching for normalcy but that’s not it. He’s coming home one day and I promised I would wait for him. I can’t have you getting in the way of that.
I know what you are thinking- that I could never be who I truly am with Duncan. But the truth is, I don’t want to be that hard-edged, revenge-motivated, misgiving girl anymore. I am not Lilly and you are not Duncan and we should stop trying to pretend that being together would help us move past from that. Please, if you love me the way you say you do, you will let me go and be happy. I can find that with Duncan. I know I can.
I am truly sorry, Logan. I never wanted to hurt you.
-V
His name at the bottom was still smudged, like she had possibly shed a tear, but that would be quite the farce. She meant for this letter to rip out his heart and it served its purpose all to well.
Bitch.
Logan angrily stuffed all the private investigator’s information back into the plain manila file folder and downed his drink. He’d been through this routine before, always ending in the same result. Him, drunk, angry, heartbroken.
He must have passed out because when he awoke he couldn’t quite remember where he was. Of course that wasn’t unusual. Most nights he would pass out after drinking himself into oblivion, just trying to forget. He was always afraid that he would turn out like his father yet here he was thinking he should have been more worried about turning into his mother. He didn’t even have the decency to get drunk in a bar or with Dick, anymore, instead just preferring to sit alone with his demons. Hell, it’s not like anyone cared anyway.
When the haze of his drunken hangover finally lifted he realized he really didn’t know where he was. He was in a bed, a twin bed, in a room with bars over the window. He tried to recollect the events from the previous night but to no avail. Was he in jail? If he was, it didn’t look like any cell he had ever seen the inside of and he considered himself an expert. Just then he heard voices outside the bedroom door. Two male voices from the sound of things.
Great, what have I gotten myself into this time?
Logan slowly opened the door, careful to look in both directions for any danger. He had been in enough fist fights to know it’s always the ones you don’t see coming that do the most damage. Ever so slowly he crept out of the bedroom hoping to find the front door and make a break for it before he found out how bad his situation really was. Of course, he wasn’t even sure what that even was quite yet.. There was always the possibility he had gone home with some floozy and passed out. Yet, he still had on his clothes on from last night and considering himself that probably shouldn’t be the case. The more likely explanation is that he was in some sort of trouble.
Just then a man in a dark grey suit turned the corner, shocking them both.
"Mr. Echolls, you’re awake."
Logan tried to find the nearest exit. He needed to get out of there and fast. A man in a suit, calling him by his last name in a house with bars on the window could never end good. He’d seen enough movies to know that.
"Mr. Echolls, I’m Special Agent Ben Espy with the FBI," confirming the fact by flashing Logan his badge.
Looking at him with both confusion and disbelief, Logan seemed to require a further explanation.
"You are in a FBI safe house. Would you mind sitting down? There are some things we need to discuss."
Logan just nodded, still deep in thought, as the agent directed him to the living room. Another agent joined them.
"This is Special Agent Bill Caffery."
Both the agents took seats on the couch, adjacent to where Logan was seated on an identical couch separated only by a small coffee table. A million things were going thru Logan’s head.
Was Veronica ok? Did they find Duncan? Did they find his mother’s body?
Agent Espy began.
"Mr. Echolls, Agent Caffery and myself are with the FBI’s Witness Protection Program."
Logan's irritation was evident in his tone.
"Well, I didn’t witness anything, at least anything I remember anyway, so can I get the hell out of here?"
"I’m sorry Mr. Echo...
"For god’s sake, call me Logan. You make me sound like my dad and we all know what a compliment that would be." Logan snapped while simultaneously rolling his eyes."
"Ok, Lo-gan."
Ignoring Logan’s earlier comment about leaving, Agent Espy continued to explain the situation.
"Have you ever heard the name Sorokin?"
"Ummmm... no... are they my biggest fans or something?" Logan replied, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.
Agent Espy took a deep breath and kept giving information in the most professional way possible, ignoring Logan’s obvious disrespect for authority. He had been warned about that.
"Well Sergei Sorokin is the boss of a crime family in Brighton Beach, NY."
"Crime family? Like the mob?"
"Yes, the mob. Specifically the Petraslovskaya bratva... very dangerous people. They run things in Brighton Beach as well as having a pipeline of illegal activities to their native Russia."
"Sounds scary," Logan said flatly. "I still don’t get what this has to do with me."
"Well, apparently, you assaulted Sergei’s son, Gorya Sorokin. Ring any bells?"
"Ahhh, yes, the voyeur. He had it coming to him."
"Mr. Ech... er, I mean Logan, I don’t think you realize the gravity of the situation. There has been a hit put out on you. They decided to wait until the fallout from the fight to clear before making their move."
"Oh, come on. I just beat the kid up. It wasn’t that big of a deal. You mean to tell me they are willing to kill me over it now?"
"Logan, if there is one thing you need to know about Sergei Sorokin, it’s that he doesn’t like to be made an embarrassment of."
"Well, he should talk to his son, then. He’s the one who got his ass kicked in front of everyone," he replied, smirking.
"Apparently neither Sergei nor Gorya see it like that. They want you to pay...with your life."
Logan couldn’t help but to stare in disbelief. Of all the ways he thought he would eventually die, being assassinated by the Russian mob wasn’t one of them. Of course the way his life has been going, he can’t say he is entirely surprised. There was always an unexpected catastrophe looming on the horizon.
"So, what am I supposed to do?"
"The way I see it you have two options. Option one, you could go back to your normal life and expect to die within a matter of weeks or option two, you could go into the program with us and start a new life for yourself."
"That’s it? No option three?"
Agents Espy and Caffery just stared at Logan, trying to make him see that this was no joking matter.
"Ok, well... I guess I’ll take option two. My life sucks and it’s not like anyone would care if I’m gone anyway. Wait, I’m not going to have to be poor, am I?"
Agent Espy continued to be immune to Logan’s sarcasm.
"You have two days to get everything in order. There is a couple of more things, though. First, you can tell absolutely no one what we have discussed today, nor that you will be going anywhere. Just go about your business like you would any other day. You can transfer some money into an offshore account that we have set up for you. We will make sure there isn’t any paper trail. Second, and I am afraid you aren’t going to like this one, we have to fake your death."
"What!"
"We have to make sure no one, and I mean, no one, especially the mob or a nosey little blond detective of the female persuasion comes looking for you. To accomplish that, we have to fake your death and we have to make it truly convincing."
Logan just stared at the agents and muttered under his breath.
Right... like she would actually come looking for me.
"What the hell, like I said, it’s not like anyone would care that I’m dead. Except Dick, he will hate surfing alone. And it will probably be better for... wait, if the Sorokins are threatening me, won’t they go after Veronica. After all she was the one... the one who the fight was about, anyway."
Logan wasn’t sure if he should tell the FBI the whole story. He was still a little wary of any type of law enforcement and didn’t want to get Veronica into any trouble with them. She was capable enough of that on her own.
"Miss Mars isn’t in any danger. There hasn’t been any plans for an attempt on her life or anything else for that matter. Just yours, for obvious reasons."
"How can you be sure?"
"If the time comes when we think Miss Mars is in any kind of danger, we will be just as proactive with her as we have been with you."
Logan wasn’t totally at ease but there was no reason to turn Veronica’s life upside down if there wasn’t cause to.
"So... how am I... Logan Echolls, bad boy extraordinaire, going to die anyway? Oh, oh, do I get to choose.?"
"Suicide."
"What? That sucks! No way!"
"We figured it would be believable and the chances that someone figuring out that it was a set up are almost zero. And of course in the way we’re proposing, it wouldn’t be unusual for there not to be a body."
Logan quirked an eyebrow at that last statement. He wasn’t sure what was more disturbing, the fact that it would be believable that he committed suicide or the fact that the agent was eluding to his mother.
"No, I guess not."
"Logan, I’m sorry, I know this is sudden, but if we want this to work, we have to get going."
Logan stared down at the floor for a long moment, trying to absorb everything he had just heard. He made up his mind.
"Let’s do this then. Just tell me exactly what I need to do."
The next two hours were spent carefully going over every detail of the fake suicide. Logan felt a little sick at the irony of it all. The FBI was going to use his own personal tragedy to make the situation more believable. They had everything planned, down to the smallest detail. They told him that he could write notes to whomever he wanted. As Logan began to think about the possible notes he would write, he began to have second thoughts.
"I don’t think I can do this. I mean, not this way."
"Logan, I just don’t see any other choice. I know it’s going to be hard..."
Logan’s head fell and an intense sadness overcame him.
"You don’t understand. She’ll think it was her fault."
Agent Espy was a smart man. He knew exactly who and what he was referring to. Trying to be as sympathetic as possible he responded.
"You will just have to make sure she understands, in your note that is."
Logan, head still down, just nodded. He didn’t know why he cared so much. She didn’t. Hell, it would probably make her life easier... for her and Duncan. He needed to get the ball rolling. If he had anymore time to think about it he would talk himself into thinking Veronica was still in love with him and for some reason trying her best to push him away.
No, no second guesses. Let’s just do this.
The next two days Logan went about his normal schedule, save a few details. Agents and Caffery tailed him closely while he went about the business of closing out his current life. He really only had three things to do. Go to see his lawyer, write those notes... heck, there were only going to be two of those, Veronica and Dick, and the last... well the last thing was something he wasn’t even sure he would be able to.
The visit to the lawyer’s office didn’t take long. He already had most things the way he wanted to leave them. Veronica had been the beneficiary of his estate since his father died and that was the way it would stay. He left a small amount of money and the apartment in New York for Trina and his new beach house to Dick. Besides the money that the FBI secretly filtered out of his account everything else would belong to Veronica. Despite everything, she was still the love of his life.
It was never Lilly...it was always Veronica.
Writing the letters was harder than he had originally thought. He must have started Veronica’s a hundred times, each ending in the same result... wadded up in the trash can. Agent Espy would be sure to burn them later. If he was anything, he was thorough. He finally decided on a simple one-liner. Every time he tried to write anything longer, he would break down, a mixture of wanting to tell her to go to hell and wanting to tell her the truth at the same time. Paper seemed like such an empty medium to convey everything she had ever meant to him. And at this point, confessing his undying love was just a moot point anyway. Then there was that little thing of probably never seeing her again. She might not take that hard, but he would.
Dick’s letter was a lot easier. He was pretty simple guy, and his letter reflected that. He just wished Dick could visit him where he was going. Logan had been informed that he would be living somewhere in South America, on the ocean, where the surfing was perfection.
Maybe this won’t be terrible. It does have its advantages.
He also learned that Agent Espy would be living with him for a while, just to make sure that the Sorokins or anyone else wouldn’t find him. He guessed, too, so he wouldn’t change his mind and make a run for it. Then all their hard work and the taxpayers money would be down the drain.
There was just one thing left to do. He wanted to see Veronica one last time. Agent Espy had protested but they had finally come to a compromise. Agent Espy would accompany him in an inconspicuous vehicle but he wouldn’t be able to talk to her. Logan accepted that, he just needed to see her. Being the good agent he was, Agent Espy had found out that Veronica was meeting her friend Mac at a pizza joint downtown. The place had outdoor tables on the sidewalk and he had made sure the hostess had seated them there.
Logan sat in the backseat of the car and watched Veronica with a heavy heart. They were parked across the street and down a little so she wouldn’t notice him but he could have sworn that she kept looking around like she knew he was there. He tried to memorize every look, every movement, just to take it with him. He noticed she didn’t look happy, like she hadn’t slept and wondered what case she was working on that had her so down. She seemed to force her smiles when Mac would talk and her body language was screaming of discomfort. Logan wished she was happy. He wanted to see her one last time, happy, and know everything was going to be ok... for her at least. But that was the way with Veronica. You never knew what you were going to get from day to day. But Logan was sure of one thing... she would get the bad guy, this bad guy, the one she was obviously losing sleep over. She always did.
Agent Espy looked at his watch and mentally debated about telling Logan it was time to go. The guy just looked so sad and contrary to what most of the other agents thought of him, he did have a heart. It’s just that his mission was always the first priority. He looked in the rearview mirror, which he had refrained from before now, trying to give Logan some privacy, to see him crying. He immediately felt a pang of guilt as the humanness of Logan suddenly became front and center. As they pulled out of their parking spot he heard Logan whisper "I love you, Veronica," and started to wonder how it was that he could still feel so strongly for her after everything that had happened. If Logan only knew what he knew. Agent Espy wasn’t lost on the tragedy of it all.
It’s for the greater good. The greater good, remember that.
The time had come. Logan had agreed to wait in the car while the scene was set. He didn’t want to be there anymore than they wanted him to be. It was nighttime and he was parked in the driveway waiting for Agents Espy and Caffery to finish. The plan was to leave as soon as they had slipped out of the house giving him the signal. He was trying hard not to think about everything and wished they would hurry before he changed his mind. If he had known what they were planning to do, he would have. Logan would have never agreed to the drugs, or the Piz/Veronica tapes. It would have been too much for her. But as it were, he didn’t know.
The only thing Logan was aware of was that they were going to leave his lighter on the coffee table. His mother’s lighter. It was his most precious possession, but he didn’t want any reminders of his past life. He was starting new. Truth be told though, he wanted Veronica to have it. He knew she would take care of it for him. And if by some chance, some miracle, their love was truly epic, he would get it back from her. But if he was honest with himself, he never really expected to see it again... or her again. His heart literally ached with the thought.
The agents came out of his house unnoticed under the cover of darkness. Giving Logan the signal they made their way to the car down the street that was waiting for them and got in. Logan sighed, took one last look at his house and headed to the Coronado Bridge.
Showtime.
To be continued...
Comments... stone throwing... anyone...
onto Chapter 10