Fic: Cassidy’s Letters 1/? (Cassidy, Meg) PG
Title: Cassidy's Letters
Author: Manatree
Pairing/Character: Cassidy, Meg
Word Count: 555
Rating: PG
Summary: Cassidy writes letters throughout Season 2, which are stored on his hard drive
Spoilers: All of Season 2, including 2.22!
Warnings: Um, other than spoiling the finale and the Season 2 mystery, I think that's it.
Disclaimer: I don't own "Veronica Mars." Or any of the characters therein. I'm just borrowing them to work out my own issues with the finale.
Author's Note: I was inspired to write this after reading chopsticknoodle's Steadier Footing. I loved the idea of Cassidy leaving notes, and wrote a few others that he might have left. In this version, he's written letters at different points in the season, to different people. This is the first one, and is my first attempt writing in the Mars universe.
Thanks for reading and proofing it, ErroneousAxiom!
Meg -
I remember when you first moved to Neptune. You were, what, eight years old? I met Lizzie first - she was a bit crazy even then and not someone that I wanted to hang around with. To tell you the truth, I quickly decided that I didn't want to get close to the Mannings. But then I met you. You were so sweet, and nice and good! You changed my mind immediately. Although I was never all that close to you, I noticed that you would often go out of your way to play with all of the children at the park, whether or not they were 09ers. I remember -
Oh, Meg, you weren't supposed to be on that bus! I never wanted to hurt you. I would never plan to hurt someone as fundamentally good as you are were. You and Veronica were supposed to be in the limo with us! The only people on the bus were supposed to be kids I didn't know well enough to miss … and those two, of course. But I couldn't change the plan at that point ... it was my only chance with both of them together and they were such easy targets! I couldn't let them do what they wanted to do to me. I couldn't stand for everyone to stare at me that way. The way that they stared at Veronica all last year and the year before. The way they stared at Logan after his mom died … I'm not as strong as they are. I couldn't deal with it. So this was my only out, my only chance at a normal life. But it never went away! I keep having to go back and cover my tracks, try to convince the entire town that someone else blew up the bus. And now you gave birth to a little girl . . . and died. It's been a really hard week. I think this week is the first time that I considered that it might be easier to end it all than to live through what had happened to me … what I had done.
I don't know why I'm writing this. You can't read it, and I know better than to expect that you might be able to forgive me for what I have done, even if you had managed to survive. Yet … somehow, I think if anyone could forgive me, it would be you. Something in your face every time I saw you, in your smile as you played with Mac as a little girl while Madison complained that you COULDN'T play with someone like her … not while you lived where you did … it makes me believe that you may truly be able to forgive even something like this. I like that possibility … the thought that there might still be someone who wouldn't judge me, even after all that I have done. I like to imagine that I might still be ok … that there might still be some hope out there for me. For forgiveness. Even if I can't ever bring myself to forgive what has been done to me, what I have done to you.
- Cassidy (Beaver)
Author: Manatree
Pairing/Character: Cassidy, Meg
Word Count: 555
Rating: PG
Summary: Cassidy writes letters throughout Season 2, which are stored on his hard drive
Spoilers: All of Season 2, including 2.22!
Warnings: Um, other than spoiling the finale and the Season 2 mystery, I think that's it.
Disclaimer: I don't own "Veronica Mars." Or any of the characters therein. I'm just borrowing them to work out my own issues with the finale.
Author's Note: I was inspired to write this after reading chopsticknoodle's Steadier Footing. I loved the idea of Cassidy leaving notes, and wrote a few others that he might have left. In this version, he's written letters at different points in the season, to different people. This is the first one, and is my first attempt writing in the Mars universe.
Thanks for reading and proofing it, ErroneousAxiom!
Meg -
I remember when you first moved to Neptune. You were, what, eight years old? I met Lizzie first - she was a bit crazy even then and not someone that I wanted to hang around with. To tell you the truth, I quickly decided that I didn't want to get close to the Mannings. But then I met you. You were so sweet, and nice and good! You changed my mind immediately. Although I was never all that close to you, I noticed that you would often go out of your way to play with all of the children at the park, whether or not they were 09ers. I remember -
Oh, Meg, you weren't supposed to be on that bus! I never wanted to hurt you. I would never plan to hurt someone as fundamentally good as you are were. You and Veronica were supposed to be in the limo with us! The only people on the bus were supposed to be kids I didn't know well enough to miss … and those two, of course. But I couldn't change the plan at that point ... it was my only chance with both of them together and they were such easy targets! I couldn't let them do what they wanted to do to me. I couldn't stand for everyone to stare at me that way. The way that they stared at Veronica all last year and the year before. The way they stared at Logan after his mom died … I'm not as strong as they are. I couldn't deal with it. So this was my only out, my only chance at a normal life. But it never went away! I keep having to go back and cover my tracks, try to convince the entire town that someone else blew up the bus. And now you gave birth to a little girl . . . and died. It's been a really hard week. I think this week is the first time that I considered that it might be easier to end it all than to live through what had happened to me … what I had done.
I don't know why I'm writing this. You can't read it, and I know better than to expect that you might be able to forgive me for what I have done, even if you had managed to survive. Yet … somehow, I think if anyone could forgive me, it would be you. Something in your face every time I saw you, in your smile as you played with Mac as a little girl while Madison complained that you COULDN'T play with someone like her … not while you lived where you did … it makes me believe that you may truly be able to forgive even something like this. I like that possibility … the thought that there might still be someone who wouldn't judge me, even after all that I have done. I like to imagine that I might still be ok … that there might still be some hope out there for me. For forgiveness. Even if I can't ever bring myself to forgive what has been done to me, what I have done to you.
- Cassidy (Beaver)