Fic: It's Enough (Dick/Mac) R
Title: It's Enough
Author: Sara
Pairing/Character: Dick/Mac
Word Count: 7234
Rating: R
Summary: She's still Mac and he's still Dick and talking has never really been the strong point of their relationship.
Spoilers: 2x22
Warnings: none
Notes: This is a reposting. This was originally posted in my journal & mac_dick in four separate parts. This is all four parts combined together. I'm currently working on the sequel for this fic.
Mac doesn't cry at Cassidy's funeral. Instead, she sits in the second row next to Veronica and holds onto her hand so tightly that she's sure she's leaving bruises. Veronica doesn't complain so Mac just holds on and continues to stare at the closed coffin.
The sermon is short, but the funeral procession is shorter. They're burying him on the family lot, next to his grandparents and his second cousin, who died in a motorcycle accident the previous fall. It starts to rain as they lower the casket into the ground and someone is handing out black umbrellas.
Her eyes meet Dick's, who's standing on the other side of the lots next to his mother and her step family. He doesn't look like he's slept since it happened. She thinks she sees a tear run down his cheek as he breaks their eye contact but it's probably just the rain.
None of this feels real to her yet.
***
Two hours later Mac's drunk and hiding in the coat closet at the funeral home with Dick.
She's not completely sure how she came to be in this position. After the funeral they had returned to the home for the lunch that was being catered in. She had been sitting at a small, round table with Veronica, Logan and Dick, watching Mrs. Casablancas cry several feet away about how she wished that she had been a better mother. None of them objected to this.
Mac had been picking at her salad when Veronica and Logan had gotten up to get more food, leaving her alone with Dick. She wondered silently if they should talk about what happened. She was pretty sure they were the two people in the room who were closest to Cassidy.
She wanted to ask him if he felt as guilty as she did for not seeing that he was in trouble, but she didn't know what to say. Instead, she took another bite of lettuce and stared straight ahead.
"Wanna get drunk?" Dick finally asked, when the silence had become almost too heavy to stand. Mac dropped her fork back onto her plate and stared at him for a few seconds.
"Sure," she finally replied, not caring how completely inappropriate and out of character this was. Going through all of this sober wasn't working for her.
Although going through this drunk didn't seem to be that much of an improvement. She took another swig of vodka from the bottle Dick had smuggled in in his coat pocket before handing the bottle back to him.
She knew that someone was going to eventually come looking for them and she didn't even want to think what it would look like when they found them sitting across from each other in a darken closet. Mac's black dress slid up her legs as she adjusted herself trying to get comfortable, but she didn't care enough to fix it.
All she wanted was for the damn closet to stop spinning.
"This fucking sucks," Dick slurred, finishing off the last of the vodka. It was the first thing that he had said since they'd started drinking.
Mac just nodded as she reached up to run her hands across the bottom of the coats hanging above them.
Just then the door swung open and Veronica loomed above them.
"It's Ronnie!" Dick declared, pumping his fist into the air.
"We've been looking all over for you," Veronica said, kneeling down and Mac tilted her head as she stared at her. "Have you been drinking?"
"Yep," Dick answered proudly, as he attempted to stand, which resulted in him knocking down several coats. They landed in Mac's lap and she reached out to pet the soft fabric.
"Honey, are you okay?" Veronica asked softly, reaching out to rub Mac's shoulder. Mac shook her head and immediately regretted it when everything went out of focus. "What's wrong?"
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Mac answered.
Then she threw up all over coats in her lap.
***
A week after the funeral Mac was dragged to the mall with her mother for shopping and a movie.
"I'm worried about you, honey," her mother had explained. "I promise that this will make you feel better."
Mac wanted to tell her mother that there was nothing that was going to make this easy for her. Cassidy had turned her life upside down and left her broken. She didn't think that she would ever completely be fixed. But instead she just nodded at her mother and followed her out to the minivan.
She let her mom buy her several new outfits and sat through a movie where perfect people always said the perfect thing at the perfect time, which lead to a perfect ending.
"Wasn't that nice?" her mother asked her on the drive home. "You shouldn't spend all your time locked away in your room. You're not the one who died. You're still alive."
"It doesn't feel that way," Mac whispered to herself, watching the houses pass them by.
***
She went back to the Casablancas' house for the first time several days later.
Mac had been driving around all morning, no real destination in mind. She had needed some time to think about everything that had happened.
She wasn't really sure what she was doing when she pulled into the Casablancas' drive, but part of her knew that she needed this. Maybe if she sat in his room, surrounded by his stuff, she would get some closure. She climbed out of her Volkswagen and walked across the driveway.
She knocked loudly and Dick finally opened the door, wearing a pair of pajama pants and a wife beater.
"Ghost World, what do you want?" he asked, stepping out of her way as she walked into the hall.
"I'm not really sure," she replied honestly as she walked into the main portion of there house.
"Whatever. Just shut the door on your way out," Dick said before he sat back on the sofa and picked up his Xbox controller.
Mac looked up at the stairs, which lead to the bedrooms, and instantly knew that she wasn't ready to face his room yet. She turned to leave when she noticed the state of the room. There were a number of shopping bags piled in the corner filled with new clothes.
"And here I thought shopping was only therapeutic to girls," Mac mused out loud.
"I needed some new threads," Dick answered from the couch, without looking at her. But it was at that moment that Mac noticed the pillow and blankets bawled up at the end of the sofa and the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. She turned and looked back upstairs; remembering that, to get to Dick's room, you would have to walk past Cassidy's open door.
Mac was pretty sure that Dick hadn't been upstairs since his brother's death.
"You fire that maid or something?" she asked, walking over to the pile of dirty clothes.
"She quit," Dick replied, "She didn't want to work in Casa de Killer or something."
Mac let out a sigh as she scooped up Dick's dirty clothes and headed to the back of the house were the laundry room was. She put in a load of laundry and headed towards the kitchen to take care of the dirty dishes that had been piling up for the last week and a half.
Once she was done she placed the basket of folded clothes next to the bags of new clothes and left without saying anything.
***
She began to visit the house every few days to do his laundry and do the dishes. It kept her busy for a few hours, where she didn't have to think about life. Besides, there was something almost calming about taking care of someone who seemed to be worse off then she was.
She didn't really talk to Dick much. He mostly just played video games or watched movies while she was there. She finally joined him on the couch on her fifth visit, to watch whatever action flick he had put on.
He stared at her, confused by her action.
"I'm waiting for the clothes to dry," she responded to his unasked question. He had run out of food in the fridge and had been living off of delivery for the past few days. Not the healthiest choice that Mac could think of, but it drastically lowered the number of dirty dishes in the sink.
"I never thought you'd be the housewife type," Dick replied, turning his attention back to the television.
"Someone has to take care of you," she explained, the words coming out harsher than she meant them to.
They watched the movie in silence after that.
***
The next time she came over she found clothes already in the washer and the dishes were done. She was pretty sure this was Dick's way of telling her that he could take care of himself.
Mac turned to leave when she heard Dick yelling from the sofa for her.
"What kind of dressing do you like on your salad?" he asked, and Mac stared at him confused. "Come on, Ghost World, not that hard of a question."
"Vinaigrette," she finally answered. He repeated her answer back into his cell phone before hanging up.
"Lunch will be here in like 15 minutes, but, 'til then, I'm totally going to kick your ass at this game," he said, handing her an Xbox controller. Mac sat down next to him and accepted the controller, feeling herself relax.
"I'd like to see you try," she boasted, selecting her character.
She won four out of the five games.
***
Mac finds herself spending more and more time with Dick as the summer progresses.
Most days they don't leave the couch, watching DVDs or playing video games. They've seen every movie Dick owns, most more than once. Mac's resorted to bringing her own movies over. Their collections have merged into one huge pile of cases next to the television that Dick has a tendency to knock over whenever he gets up to pay for their take out delivery.
They both know that Cassidy had a huge collection of kung-fu movies stashed under his bed, but they haven't spoken about that.
It's June and neither of them has gone upstairs yet.
***
"We don't talk," Mac states, watching Enid and Rebecca shop for dishes on the television screen.
"We talk," Dick replies, finishing off his beer and attempting to make a pyramid of cans on the coffee table that sits in front of them.
"No, we don't," Mac insisted, watching as the cans go crashing down and several roll under the sofa.
"What do you call this?" Dick insisted, finally turning to face her.
"Avoiding the subject," Mac answered. She spends almost every waking hour with Dick and she can't help but feel like they should have talked about that night by now. She still hadn't cried and he hadn't even said Cassidy's name yet.
That couldn't be healthy.
"Dude, we're totally missing the movie," he said, turning his attention back to the screen.
"Dick, we've seen this movie like a zillion times. Even with your attention span I'm sure you remember how it ends," Mac joked. "Besides, this is an indie flick. Why do you even like it? Nothing gets blown up"
"I thought you liked it," he replied, his eyes focused on the television and Mac decides to give up and watch the movie.
"Besides," Dick says several minutes later, "Enid's totally hot."
Mac can feel herself smiling at that.
***
The second week of June, Mac's mother tells her how she's so proud of her and how well she's been dealing with everything.
"You're moving on with your life, that takes a strong person," her mother insists over breakfast. Mac leaves without saying anything.
She wonders if her mother would still feel this way if she knew her daughter was spending all her time in her dead, mass murdering boyfriend's house with his older brother as her only company.
***
"We should go out," Mac muses, staring out the window.
"Always knew you wanted me," Dick replied, and Mac shoves him away when he leans in closer to her.
"That's not what I meant and you know it," she laughs. "Look, it's beautiful outside. When was the last time you even stepped outside of this house?"
"Does stepping outside the front door to pay the delivery man this afternoon count?" Dick enquires.
"No," Mac informs and Dick shrugs. "You can't even remember? You used to live at the beach."
"And now I kick your ass at video games on a daily basis," Dick replies.
"Ok, I totally win 90% of the time!" Mac objects. "But that's not the point."
"I have video games, porn and take out. What else do I need?" Dick asked.
"To socialize," Mac answered.
"I have you," he answers, handing her a controller and turning on the Xbox. "Rematch time."
***
"We should hit up the mall tomorrow and get some new movies. Those are all getting stall," Dick suggests as Mac grabs her purse to go home for the night. "Plus, I would be outside like you've been nagging me about."
"I can't come over tomorrow," Mac tells Dick she slips on her sandals and she watches the smile on Dick's face fade. "I mean, I promised Veronica I would spend the afternoon with her. I haven't really seen her since…"
"It's cool," Dick insists, turning to head back to the sofa.
"It's only one day," she reassures him before walking out the door.
It dawns on her on the drive home just how much of her life revolves around Dick Casablancas.
It scares her a little.
***
"So, who is he?" Veronica inquires, staring across the table at Mac. The two had decided to start off their day with lunch at a local coffee shop before going shopping for dorm room supplies.
"What?" Mac asks as she takes a sip of her espresso.
"You're new boyfriend," Veronica smirks, causing Mac to choke.
"Boyfriend?" Mac repeats, a little loudly drawing the attention of the surrounding table. She was starting to agree that the whole socializing aspect of their lives was overrated.
"Look, you're mother told me that you're never at home anymore. And you never have time for me anymore. Which, just so you know, hurts, but I get it. You deserve to be happy. I just wanna know which computer suave guy stole your heart," Veronica explains, laughing at the shocked look on Mac's face.
"There's no....I mean, I'm not dating anyone," Mac insists, looking down at the table.
"You don't have to lie to me," Veronica insists.
"I'm not! There's no secret boyfriend," Mac persists.
"Your lips say no, but you're eyes say yes. But I'll drop it 'til you're ready to talk about it," Veronica says.
Mac's not really sure what that means, but gets a nervous feeling in the pit of stomach that doesn't go away for the rest of the day.
***
"We bought 20 new DVDs yesterday. Shiny, new DVDs that are still in their plastic wrappers," Mac informs Dick as she returns from the kitchen, carrying two beers and a bowl of popcorn. "Why can't we watch one of those?"
"Because I want to watch Ghost World," Dick tells her, grabbing the movie from the top of the pile.
"Again?" Mac moans, setting the beers and popcorn on the end table and joining him by the TV. She picks up one of the new movies they had just purchased. "Look, Underworld: Evolution. It even has a hot chick in it for you."
"Nope," Dick smirks, holding the DVD out of Mac's reach as she tries to grab it from him.
"Give it to me!" Mac laughs, as Dick tries to run away. She jumps over the coffee table and tackles him into the couch. They're both laughing, as Dick struggles to keep the movie away from Mac.
They're faces are inches apart when they suddenly realize that their struggle has resulted in Mac straddling Dick and she can feel his breathe on her lips.
"Mac," Dick whispers, before gently pulling her down to kiss him. Mac gasps as his lips brush against hers and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue past her lips. His hands are stroking her back softly as she runs her's through his tousled hair. She's getting lost in his taste when she feels him pressing against her through his jeans.
Mac lets out a whimper as he presses up against her and, the next thing she knows, he's rolled them over and he's looming over her on the sofa. His kisses trail down her neck and she feels his hand slide up under the thin cotton shirt she was wearing. He cups her breast and begins to work her shirt up with his other hand.
Mac wishes that she had worn cuter underwear than the simple white bra she had put on that morning.
The realization that Dick Casablancas was about to see her underwear shot Mac back to reality and she pushed him off her. Her action seemed to bring him back to.
They both sit there, staring at the blank television screen for several minutes without speaking. Mac's heart is pounding in her chest and her head is swimming. Suddenly she's off the couch and running out the front door to her car.
She doesn't talk to Dick for three days before she finally receives a text message from him that reads: 'Fine, we'll watch Underworld: Evolution next time you come over.'
She waits two more days before taking him up on his offer
***
It's on the fourth of July that Mac realizes just how normal kissing Dick Casablancas has become.
Mac had laid out some blankets on the grass next to the patio and they've been sprawled out on them since dusk waiting for the fireworks. You can't really see them from the Casablancas' backyard, but you can hear still hear the boom and see the tops of the bigger ones over the trees that line the ground.
It's not the same as watching them in the park, but Mac and Dick still aren't up for the whole socialization thing yet. So they've settled for this and Mac just tries to enjoy the fact that there aren't any annoying little brats running around with sparkles while screaming at the top of their lungs.
She's licking the cotton candy, which was purchased pre-packaged from the nearest gas station, off her fingers when Dick suddenly leans in and kisses her. She can feel his tongue tracing the outline of her lips, whipping away the sticky traces of processed sugar.
"Yummy," he whispers as he pulls away from her several minutes later. Mac just smiles and pops some more cotton candy into her mouth.
Mac realizes that these kisses are becoming more and more common. It's becoming almost natural to kiss him goodbye every night when she leaves his house, or the way that his pecks her check whenever she brings him a beer during his video marathons before turning his attention back to the game.
Mac also realizes that this probably means something big and important. They're going to need to deal with that eventually.
But she's still Mac and he's still Dick and talking has never really been the strong point of their relationship. So Mac just lays back and watches as the fireworks start to go off.
***
"Are you sure that there's something wrong with your computer?" Mac asks, as she completes another of many scans which revealed all programs were working perfectly fine on Veronica's laptop.
"You're having sex," Veronica answers, causing Mac to look up from the spot on her bed to see that Veronica had opened her underwear draw. "Or you're planning to have sex. I haven't decided yet."
"What the hell are you doing," Mac cried, quickly placing Veronica's laptop down and lunging off the bed.
"Looking at your underwear," Veronica replied, as if that explained everything. Veronica held up a black bra and smiled. "This is new."
"And why exactly are you doing that," Mac demanded, grabbing her bra back. She threw it into the draw and quickly shut it.
"You bought new, cute underwear and lots of it," Veronica explains as she sits down on the edge of the bed. "A girl only does that when she thinks that someone else is going to be seeing it."
"Maybe I…," Mac starts but Veronica interrupts.
"Alone, this doesn't prove anything. But I already told you, Mac, I know that you're with somebody," Veronica informs her as she closes her laptop.
"There's nothing wrong with your computer, is there?" Mac realizes. She was her friend; Veronica wasn't suppose to use her spy mojo on her.
"Nope, I just wanted some confirmation that I was right," she answered, as she walked with Mac to the front door.
"Why do you even care?" Mac sighed, knowing that it was only a matter of time before Veronica figured it out. Not that it would really be all that difficult. Her car spent more time in the Casablancas' driveway than her own.
"Because you're my friend and I want to make sure you don't get hurt again," Veronica answers.
Mac wants to tell Veronica about Dick. About how the only time she really feels comfortable in her own skin is when she's with him. But it's still new and scary and Mac's not really sure how Veronica would react to the news. So she just hugs Veronica before closing the front door and grabs her key off the kitchen counter. She waits twenty minutes, until she's sure Veronica's gone, before leaving for Dick's.
***
The first time that Mac cries for Cassidy, really cries for him, it's not how she imagined. She always thought that it would be the result of finally talking about the night he killed himself and all the things he did. She'd play with the hemming on the bottom of her shirt and apologize to everyone for the tears, even though she wouldn't really be sorry. She would be hugged and comforted and afterwards she would feel better.
Instead, she's lying naked underneath Dick on the sofa and he's just ripped open the condom wrapper when she feels the first tears start to fall down her cheek. She can't help but think about that night, how she had been in the exact same position with Cassidy and how Mac had had so many hopes and dreams for them at that moment.
She can't stop the tears after that; she's bawling and pushing Dick away. She sits up, pulling her legs to her chest and waits for something to happen. She wants Dick to pull her into his arm and to tell her that everything is going to be okay. All she wants is some fucking comfort because this is hurting more than she thought it would.
Dick pats her back awkwardly, as he mumbles something that she can't understand, before he hands her her underpants.
And this moment isn't turning out the way that it was supposed to because later after, she's dressed and left without a word, she doesn't feel any better.
Dick doesn't mention it when she shows up the next morning and she doesn't bring it up, but he doesn't try to kiss her for a week after that.
***
"You should do orange highlights!" Dick declares, handing Mac a box of hair dye as they walk down the grocery store isle.
"I think I want to do red again," Mac muses, turning the box over in her hand.
"Why do ask if you're not gonna listen to me?" Dick asks her.
"That's the thing. I didn't ask for your opinion," Mac replies, but she throws the orange hair dye into the basket and starts walking towards the end of the isle.
She can feel Dick smiling proudly behind her.
***
She loses her virginity on the floor in the kitchen.
They had been making lunch because, after two and a half months of take out, even Dick was missing home cooked meals.
Dick had come up with the brilliant idea of making a pizza from scratch, which was really a lot harder than Mac thought it would be. Dick was still having fun with it, trying to spin the pizza dough in his hand to make the pie.
He tried to throw it in the air, but it kinda rotated sideways before landing in an undefined shape on the counter.
"You're really not good at this," Mac informs him as she continues to stir the tomato sauce.
"Dude, I'm an awesome chief. You're just jealous of my mad skills," he informed.
"Yeah, sure you are," she laughed. Suddenly there's a poof of white and she's covered in flour.
Dick's still laughing when Mac's sauce covered hand runs across his face leaving a red trail. He grabs her wrist as she tries to escape before he can get her back. They struggle for a moment before Mac slips on some of the tomato sauce that had dripped off her hand. She falls backwards, bringing Dick with her.
He lands on top of her and he's heavy and it's hard to breathe so she tries to push him off.
But then Dick's kissing her and she doesn't care so much about the breathing anymore. His hand works it way up her skirt and pushes aside her thin cotton panties. She gasps as his fingers slide inside of her, but it's the look in his eyes that takes her breath away.
She hadn't seen that much passion in his eyes all summer.
After that it was frantic and all blurred together. She pulled his shirt over his head, leaving red stains on the white fabric, as he pushed her shirt up. He was kissing her stomach when she arched her back off the floor enough so he could unhook her bra.
She gasped his name when he bit down on her nipple and god, it felt so good.
When he entered her it hurt, but not as much as she had expected. He slowly increased his pace and Mac began to feel something build up inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and angled herself so his thrusts went in deeper.
When he came he yelled her name before collapsing next to her on the floor.
Afterwards, Mac was sticky with their sweat, sore between her legs and it would take three more times before she would have an orgasm.
***
Veronica drags Mac to the beach the last week of August to spend a day of fun in the sun, as she described it.
"Hurry up, he's waiting for us," Veronica urged as Mac grabbed her beach bag out of the trunk.
"You're the one who wanted to stop and get slurpees," Mac joked as she joined Veronica on the boardwalk.
"You can't go to the beach without slurpees. It's a crime against humanity," she joked, before waving to Logan who was laying down a beach towel. Mac had known from the start that he was going to be joining them for the day, but she hadn't expected him to bring Dick.
But there he was, standing next to Logan in only a pair of swimming trunks.
"Ronnie! What's up?" Dick yelled as the girls joined them, throwing their bags down onto the sand. Mac focused on spreading her towel out perfectly aligned with Logan's and not making eye contact with Dick.
She wasn't quite sure how she was suppose to behave. Whatever was going on between her and Dick hadn't been defined. Like, at all.
He had told her once that he liked kissing her, but Mac didn't think that counted as form of commitment. Well, other than Dick's own commitment to himself to do stuff that felt good.
"Hey Mac," Dick was suddenly kneeling down next to her and she looked up to meet his eye. "Wanna learn how to surf?"
***
Mac learned two things at the beach. The first was that she did not have a natural gift for recreational sports at the beach, whether it was Dick's attempt at teaching her how to surf or the volleyball game Veronica had convinced Mac to join.
The second thing she learned was that she didn't care.
Sure, she couldn't even get up on the surf board without tumbling over into the water but she loved attempting to ride the board with Dick behind her. He'd wrap his arm around her waist when they lost their balance and pull her into the water with him. Once they surfaced they would try to blame each other for fall which usually resulted in a several minutes of splash fighting.
And yeah, she and Veronica definitely lost at volleyball, but Mac had pulled off this cool move were she had like dove at the ball and hit it when it was only like a foot above the ground. Sand had gotten into places that Mac didn't think was possible because of it, but Veronica had assured her it looked really cool.
By the time they had finished the game Logan and Dick had bought lunch for the four of them and they sat in a circle on the blankets eating. Dick kept trying to steal Mac's French fries and Veronica ate half of Logan's sandwich when he got up to buy them some more drinks.
They didn't leave the beach until dusk and Dick offered to give Mac a ride home.
"Logan can go with Ronnie. That way those two can get their groove on faster," Dick informed her and Veronica tried to hit him in the shin with her bag, but she was laughing as she did it.
"Yeah, that's fine," Mac said, as they hauled their stuff back towards the boardwalk. Dick and Logan packed up the car as Mac sat next to Veronica on a nearby bench.
"You know, I wasn't expecting it to be Dick," Veronica finally said, breaking the silence and Mac felt her entire body tense.
"What?" Mac gasped, scolding herself for under estimating her friend again.
"I was expecting someone more like you," Veronica continued, as they watched Dick and Logan pretend to have a swordfight with the beach umbrellas.
"That's the thing. He is," Mac said, watching Dick fall to the ground after Logan pretended to stab him through the chest and proclaim victory.
"Come on, sexy mamas! It's time to hit the road!" Dick yelled to them.
They had sex in the backseat of Dick's car on the way home after pulling into an empty parking lot. The windows fogged up and there wasn't quite enough room to make it completely comfortable but his skin tasted like salt and he smelled like the ocean.
Mac came twice before they crawled back into the front seat and he drove her home.
***
Mac drives over to his house at the crack of dawn the day before freshmen orientation.
The radio's on, but later she won't be able to recall one song that played. She'll remember how her hands were shaking on the wheel and how the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach was threatening to consumer her entire body.
Summer was almost over and Mac knew she wasn't ready for that.
***
They spend the morning like every other day that summer, watching some random movie that Dick had found on basic cable. It's from the '80s and the acting is horrible, but there are plenty of explosions so it's enough to keep his attention.
Mac's trying to use it as a distraction from focusing on the fact that tomorrow they'll be moving onto campus at Hearst.
They hadn't really talked about the whole college thing yet.
Mac was rooming with Veronica in the freshmen dorms and Dick was renting out one of the suites with Logan. Their conversation hadn't really gotten past that point and Mac wasn't really sure what that meant for them once summer was over.
"We should go swimming," Dick muses, and Mac notices that the pool has caught his attention, it being blue and shimmery and welcoming. Suddenly, he's pulling her off the sofa and leading her out onto the back patio. They're almost to the pool by the time that Mac's brain catches up with her feet and she pulls them to a stop. "What?"
"Dick, you're still in your regular clothes and I don't even have a bathing suit here," Mac points out, motioning to their fully dressed figures, but then Dick's taking off his shirt and this is definitely not working towards Mac's plan to get them back into the house watching bad movies and eating stale popcorn. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going swimming," he tells her, as if it's the most obvious thing on Earth. And then his pants are off and he's diving into the pool. before she can say anything and when he surfaces he's yelling at her to come in.
"I can't! I'm going inside!" She tells him before she turns to walk into the house, but she only makes it a few steps before she hears him climbing out of the pool.
Then his wet arm is wrapping around her waist, his breath is on her neck, and he's completely naked. Mac doesn't have time to process all that information and react before he's throwing them into the pool.
"I can't believe you did that!" she yells, splashing him but she's laughing. She swims to the edge and climbs out of the pool. She can almost hear Dick pouting behind her.
"Come on, you're already wet," he moans, but Mac just smiles at him before stripping off her shirt. He shuts up when he realizes what she's doing. The look on his face when she takes off her bra makes the whole thing worth it.
She leaves her clothes in a wet pile by the side of the pool before diving in to join Dick in the cool water.
"I thought you couldn't," he jokes swimming over to her.
"I was already wet," she whispers, before splashing Dick when he leans in to kiss her. After all, Mac thinks, it's not like he hadn't seen her naked a hundred times before that summer.
They spend the next several hours splashing each other before Mac finally allows Dick to corner her by the side of the pool and kiss her. She can feel him pressing up against her and she moans into his mouth.
They manage to break apart long to climb out of the pool and Dick grabs a condom from his wallet, but then he's kissing her again. They manage to make it halfway to the house, wrapped up in each other's arms, before Dick trips and they fall into the grass.
They're still naked and wet, and blades of grass stick to her back, when Dick roles over on top of her, but she doesn't care about any of that when he thrusts into her.
He's cupping her breasts and moaning her name as Mac stares up at the clouds and she runs her hand over the pool of sweat and pool water that had formed on the base of his back.
When she comes she screams so loud she's sure that the neighbors heard.
***
"I have to get some shit from my room," he tells Mac as she pulls one of his sweatshirts over her head. The slogan reads 'sex fiend' in bold black letters across the front, but Mac still had grass blades in her hair so she didn't think she really had any room to object at the moment.
"Oh," she replied, tugging on the smallest pair of jeans that she had been able to find before she finally made eye contact with him. She knew what Dick was asking her to do and she wasn't completely sure she was ready to face Cassidy's room. But she also knew that she couldn't make him face it alone.
"Come on," she assured him, holding out her hand for him to take before they headed up the staircase.
They stand in the doorway to Cassidy's room without saving a word for god knows how long.
It didn't feel right, after everything they had learned. It wasn't supposed to look the same anymore. It was supposed to be as changed as Mac's perception of Cassidy.
But it looked the same as it had the last time she had spent the afternoon in there with him. She remembers kissing him and laughing. He had seemed so happy.
She lets go of Dick's hand when she notices a picture of her on Cassidy's desk and she stuffs it into her pocket. She wants to ask Dick if he feels guilty about whatever it is that they're doing. If he thinks that Cassidy would hate them.
Then again, Cassidy had blown up a bus full of their classmates. He wasn't really in a position to be judging anyone's actions.
They don't go into the room. Dick reaches in and shuts the door, but holds onto the doorknob for a few seconds too long before they continue on to his room.
Mac sits cross legged on his bed as he collects the few items that he needed, stuffing them into a duffle bag that he had retrieved from his closet.
They don't talk.
***
Sex with Dick had always been urgent and needy.
It wasn't something that was ever really thought out or planned. It always just sort of happened and was over quickly. It was fast and hard and good.
Afterwards, they would dress and go on as if nothing had happened. There was a solace in their easy silence about it.
But now Dick's kissing her softly and sweetly and it's making her feel all sorts of things that she's not ready to deal with. This is too close to feeling like a relationship and he's not allowed to do this to her, not without defining whatever the fuck is going on between them.
So Mac rolls him over so she's straddling his waist and she feels the bed adjust to their change of position as she pins his hands above his head. She roles her hips, feeling him pressing up against her and then he's looking at her with lust in his eyes and Mac feels herself relax. This was normal, and there was comfort in routine.
"Fuck," he moans, as she pulls the sweatshirt over her head to expose her breast. He arches himself off the bed, his tongue darting out over her nipple. She gasps as he sucks it into his mouth and bites it gently.
Mac's panting now and he roles her over before trailing kisses down her stomach and licking a trail along her jean line. Dick tugs off her jeans and then his mouth is in between her legs and, oh god, this is new.
She runs her hand through his blonde hair and moans his name as he sucks at her gently. She could definitely get use to this.
***
Later, when he's fucking her, Mac realizes that it's the first time they've ever had sex in a bed. It's always been on the couch or in the backseat of his truck or the one time on top of the kitchen table.
But Mac doesn't think that accounts for how different it feels. Because it's more tender and they're taking their time and when they come he's looking into her eyes with something that's a little too close to love.
Afterwards, he wraps his arm tightly around her waist before pulling the blanket up over them. When she tries to pull away from him he doesn't let her go.
Mac knows that the bedding hasn't been changed in months and that her mother is going to expect her home by midnight. Her cell phone is still in her purse on the end table and her clothes are probably still out by the pool. They'll be damp if she leaves them out there now that the sun has set and her parents will be calling if she doesn't come home.
But Dick's bed is comfy and his arms feel nice around her. And she's not quite sure yet if she's ever going to get this chance again so she closes her eyes and lets herself fall asleep.
***
It's the sun through the curtains that wakes her up at 9 am and she's wrapped up in Dick under the covers of his bed.
He looks sweet when he's sleeping so Mac untangles herself from his arm and retrieves some of the clothes from the floor. She was supposed to pick Veronica an hour ago to start moving their stuff into their dorm room.
She dresses quickly and runs downstairs to make some toast. There are four voicemails on her phone.
The first three are from her mother, ranging from worry to anger. Mac decides against calling her back, figuring she could smooth things over better in person.
She starts to butter her toast as she listens to the final message.
“Hey Mac. It's Veronica. Um, you were supposed to be here like half an hour ago. I tried your house, but your mom just started ranting to me about you being out all night. So yeah, say 'hi' to Dick for me and try to get over here before noon," Mac smiles as she finishes the message while Dick enters the kitchen.
"I thought you left," Dick says, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"Nope, I'm avoiding the walk of shame as long as possible," Mac says as munches at her toast. "And you do realize it's like 9 am, right?"
"So?" Dick asks, taking a drink. Mac just sighs and shakes her head.
"I gotta get going. We're moving in today and I still don't have my stuff loaded in my car," Mac explains, popping the last piece of toast in her mouth before heading towards the door.
"Stay," Dick urges, as Mac slips on her sandals and tries to come up with a convincingly good reason to give her mother to explain why she's wearing men's clothing.
"I can't. I have like a zillion things to do today," Mac explains, but then his hands are around her waist and she's facing him and the world feels like it kinda stopped for a second.
Her hair is frizzed and knotted, she has breadcrumbs sticking to her lips, and she hasn't showered in over 24 hours. He's not supposed to be looking at her like she's beautiful.
"Stay with me?" he asks and Mac knows that he's not just talking about this morning.
"Yeah, I'm gonna stay with you," she answers, before pressing her lips against his and he tastes a little like toothpaste.
And this was not really the moment of clarification that she was hoping for. Cause she still doesn't know exactly what this is, only that there is something. It's not a promise and it's not a guarantee, but Mac doesn't care. For now, it's enough to keep her there.
Author: Sara
Pairing/Character: Dick/Mac
Word Count: 7234
Rating: R
Summary: She's still Mac and he's still Dick and talking has never really been the strong point of their relationship.
Spoilers: 2x22
Warnings: none
Notes: This is a reposting. This was originally posted in my journal & mac_dick in four separate parts. This is all four parts combined together. I'm currently working on the sequel for this fic.
Mac doesn't cry at Cassidy's funeral. Instead, she sits in the second row next to Veronica and holds onto her hand so tightly that she's sure she's leaving bruises. Veronica doesn't complain so Mac just holds on and continues to stare at the closed coffin.
The sermon is short, but the funeral procession is shorter. They're burying him on the family lot, next to his grandparents and his second cousin, who died in a motorcycle accident the previous fall. It starts to rain as they lower the casket into the ground and someone is handing out black umbrellas.
Her eyes meet Dick's, who's standing on the other side of the lots next to his mother and her step family. He doesn't look like he's slept since it happened. She thinks she sees a tear run down his cheek as he breaks their eye contact but it's probably just the rain.
None of this feels real to her yet.
***
Two hours later Mac's drunk and hiding in the coat closet at the funeral home with Dick.
She's not completely sure how she came to be in this position. After the funeral they had returned to the home for the lunch that was being catered in. She had been sitting at a small, round table with Veronica, Logan and Dick, watching Mrs. Casablancas cry several feet away about how she wished that she had been a better mother. None of them objected to this.
Mac had been picking at her salad when Veronica and Logan had gotten up to get more food, leaving her alone with Dick. She wondered silently if they should talk about what happened. She was pretty sure they were the two people in the room who were closest to Cassidy.
She wanted to ask him if he felt as guilty as she did for not seeing that he was in trouble, but she didn't know what to say. Instead, she took another bite of lettuce and stared straight ahead.
"Wanna get drunk?" Dick finally asked, when the silence had become almost too heavy to stand. Mac dropped her fork back onto her plate and stared at him for a few seconds.
"Sure," she finally replied, not caring how completely inappropriate and out of character this was. Going through all of this sober wasn't working for her.
Although going through this drunk didn't seem to be that much of an improvement. She took another swig of vodka from the bottle Dick had smuggled in in his coat pocket before handing the bottle back to him.
She knew that someone was going to eventually come looking for them and she didn't even want to think what it would look like when they found them sitting across from each other in a darken closet. Mac's black dress slid up her legs as she adjusted herself trying to get comfortable, but she didn't care enough to fix it.
All she wanted was for the damn closet to stop spinning.
"This fucking sucks," Dick slurred, finishing off the last of the vodka. It was the first thing that he had said since they'd started drinking.
Mac just nodded as she reached up to run her hands across the bottom of the coats hanging above them.
Just then the door swung open and Veronica loomed above them.
"It's Ronnie!" Dick declared, pumping his fist into the air.
"We've been looking all over for you," Veronica said, kneeling down and Mac tilted her head as she stared at her. "Have you been drinking?"
"Yep," Dick answered proudly, as he attempted to stand, which resulted in him knocking down several coats. They landed in Mac's lap and she reached out to pet the soft fabric.
"Honey, are you okay?" Veronica asked softly, reaching out to rub Mac's shoulder. Mac shook her head and immediately regretted it when everything went out of focus. "What's wrong?"
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Mac answered.
Then she threw up all over coats in her lap.
***
A week after the funeral Mac was dragged to the mall with her mother for shopping and a movie.
"I'm worried about you, honey," her mother had explained. "I promise that this will make you feel better."
Mac wanted to tell her mother that there was nothing that was going to make this easy for her. Cassidy had turned her life upside down and left her broken. She didn't think that she would ever completely be fixed. But instead she just nodded at her mother and followed her out to the minivan.
She let her mom buy her several new outfits and sat through a movie where perfect people always said the perfect thing at the perfect time, which lead to a perfect ending.
"Wasn't that nice?" her mother asked her on the drive home. "You shouldn't spend all your time locked away in your room. You're not the one who died. You're still alive."
"It doesn't feel that way," Mac whispered to herself, watching the houses pass them by.
***
She went back to the Casablancas' house for the first time several days later.
Mac had been driving around all morning, no real destination in mind. She had needed some time to think about everything that had happened.
She wasn't really sure what she was doing when she pulled into the Casablancas' drive, but part of her knew that she needed this. Maybe if she sat in his room, surrounded by his stuff, she would get some closure. She climbed out of her Volkswagen and walked across the driveway.
She knocked loudly and Dick finally opened the door, wearing a pair of pajama pants and a wife beater.
"Ghost World, what do you want?" he asked, stepping out of her way as she walked into the hall.
"I'm not really sure," she replied honestly as she walked into the main portion of there house.
"Whatever. Just shut the door on your way out," Dick said before he sat back on the sofa and picked up his Xbox controller.
Mac looked up at the stairs, which lead to the bedrooms, and instantly knew that she wasn't ready to face his room yet. She turned to leave when she noticed the state of the room. There were a number of shopping bags piled in the corner filled with new clothes.
"And here I thought shopping was only therapeutic to girls," Mac mused out loud.
"I needed some new threads," Dick answered from the couch, without looking at her. But it was at that moment that Mac noticed the pillow and blankets bawled up at the end of the sofa and the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. She turned and looked back upstairs; remembering that, to get to Dick's room, you would have to walk past Cassidy's open door.
Mac was pretty sure that Dick hadn't been upstairs since his brother's death.
"You fire that maid or something?" she asked, walking over to the pile of dirty clothes.
"She quit," Dick replied, "She didn't want to work in Casa de Killer or something."
Mac let out a sigh as she scooped up Dick's dirty clothes and headed to the back of the house were the laundry room was. She put in a load of laundry and headed towards the kitchen to take care of the dirty dishes that had been piling up for the last week and a half.
Once she was done she placed the basket of folded clothes next to the bags of new clothes and left without saying anything.
***
She began to visit the house every few days to do his laundry and do the dishes. It kept her busy for a few hours, where she didn't have to think about life. Besides, there was something almost calming about taking care of someone who seemed to be worse off then she was.
She didn't really talk to Dick much. He mostly just played video games or watched movies while she was there. She finally joined him on the couch on her fifth visit, to watch whatever action flick he had put on.
He stared at her, confused by her action.
"I'm waiting for the clothes to dry," she responded to his unasked question. He had run out of food in the fridge and had been living off of delivery for the past few days. Not the healthiest choice that Mac could think of, but it drastically lowered the number of dirty dishes in the sink.
"I never thought you'd be the housewife type," Dick replied, turning his attention back to the television.
"Someone has to take care of you," she explained, the words coming out harsher than she meant them to.
They watched the movie in silence after that.
***
The next time she came over she found clothes already in the washer and the dishes were done. She was pretty sure this was Dick's way of telling her that he could take care of himself.
Mac turned to leave when she heard Dick yelling from the sofa for her.
"What kind of dressing do you like on your salad?" he asked, and Mac stared at him confused. "Come on, Ghost World, not that hard of a question."
"Vinaigrette," she finally answered. He repeated her answer back into his cell phone before hanging up.
"Lunch will be here in like 15 minutes, but, 'til then, I'm totally going to kick your ass at this game," he said, handing her an Xbox controller. Mac sat down next to him and accepted the controller, feeling herself relax.
"I'd like to see you try," she boasted, selecting her character.
She won four out of the five games.
***
Mac finds herself spending more and more time with Dick as the summer progresses.
Most days they don't leave the couch, watching DVDs or playing video games. They've seen every movie Dick owns, most more than once. Mac's resorted to bringing her own movies over. Their collections have merged into one huge pile of cases next to the television that Dick has a tendency to knock over whenever he gets up to pay for their take out delivery.
They both know that Cassidy had a huge collection of kung-fu movies stashed under his bed, but they haven't spoken about that.
It's June and neither of them has gone upstairs yet.
***
"We don't talk," Mac states, watching Enid and Rebecca shop for dishes on the television screen.
"We talk," Dick replies, finishing off his beer and attempting to make a pyramid of cans on the coffee table that sits in front of them.
"No, we don't," Mac insisted, watching as the cans go crashing down and several roll under the sofa.
"What do you call this?" Dick insisted, finally turning to face her.
"Avoiding the subject," Mac answered. She spends almost every waking hour with Dick and she can't help but feel like they should have talked about that night by now. She still hadn't cried and he hadn't even said Cassidy's name yet.
That couldn't be healthy.
"Dude, we're totally missing the movie," he said, turning his attention back to the screen.
"Dick, we've seen this movie like a zillion times. Even with your attention span I'm sure you remember how it ends," Mac joked. "Besides, this is an indie flick. Why do you even like it? Nothing gets blown up"
"I thought you liked it," he replied, his eyes focused on the television and Mac decides to give up and watch the movie.
"Besides," Dick says several minutes later, "Enid's totally hot."
Mac can feel herself smiling at that.
***
The second week of June, Mac's mother tells her how she's so proud of her and how well she's been dealing with everything.
"You're moving on with your life, that takes a strong person," her mother insists over breakfast. Mac leaves without saying anything.
She wonders if her mother would still feel this way if she knew her daughter was spending all her time in her dead, mass murdering boyfriend's house with his older brother as her only company.
***
"We should go out," Mac muses, staring out the window.
"Always knew you wanted me," Dick replied, and Mac shoves him away when he leans in closer to her.
"That's not what I meant and you know it," she laughs. "Look, it's beautiful outside. When was the last time you even stepped outside of this house?"
"Does stepping outside the front door to pay the delivery man this afternoon count?" Dick enquires.
"No," Mac informs and Dick shrugs. "You can't even remember? You used to live at the beach."
"And now I kick your ass at video games on a daily basis," Dick replies.
"Ok, I totally win 90% of the time!" Mac objects. "But that's not the point."
"I have video games, porn and take out. What else do I need?" Dick asked.
"To socialize," Mac answered.
"I have you," he answers, handing her a controller and turning on the Xbox. "Rematch time."
***
"We should hit up the mall tomorrow and get some new movies. Those are all getting stall," Dick suggests as Mac grabs her purse to go home for the night. "Plus, I would be outside like you've been nagging me about."
"I can't come over tomorrow," Mac tells Dick she slips on her sandals and she watches the smile on Dick's face fade. "I mean, I promised Veronica I would spend the afternoon with her. I haven't really seen her since…"
"It's cool," Dick insists, turning to head back to the sofa.
"It's only one day," she reassures him before walking out the door.
It dawns on her on the drive home just how much of her life revolves around Dick Casablancas.
It scares her a little.
***
"So, who is he?" Veronica inquires, staring across the table at Mac. The two had decided to start off their day with lunch at a local coffee shop before going shopping for dorm room supplies.
"What?" Mac asks as she takes a sip of her espresso.
"You're new boyfriend," Veronica smirks, causing Mac to choke.
"Boyfriend?" Mac repeats, a little loudly drawing the attention of the surrounding table. She was starting to agree that the whole socializing aspect of their lives was overrated.
"Look, you're mother told me that you're never at home anymore. And you never have time for me anymore. Which, just so you know, hurts, but I get it. You deserve to be happy. I just wanna know which computer suave guy stole your heart," Veronica explains, laughing at the shocked look on Mac's face.
"There's no....I mean, I'm not dating anyone," Mac insists, looking down at the table.
"You don't have to lie to me," Veronica insists.
"I'm not! There's no secret boyfriend," Mac persists.
"Your lips say no, but you're eyes say yes. But I'll drop it 'til you're ready to talk about it," Veronica says.
Mac's not really sure what that means, but gets a nervous feeling in the pit of stomach that doesn't go away for the rest of the day.
***
"We bought 20 new DVDs yesterday. Shiny, new DVDs that are still in their plastic wrappers," Mac informs Dick as she returns from the kitchen, carrying two beers and a bowl of popcorn. "Why can't we watch one of those?"
"Because I want to watch Ghost World," Dick tells her, grabbing the movie from the top of the pile.
"Again?" Mac moans, setting the beers and popcorn on the end table and joining him by the TV. She picks up one of the new movies they had just purchased. "Look, Underworld: Evolution. It even has a hot chick in it for you."
"Nope," Dick smirks, holding the DVD out of Mac's reach as she tries to grab it from him.
"Give it to me!" Mac laughs, as Dick tries to run away. She jumps over the coffee table and tackles him into the couch. They're both laughing, as Dick struggles to keep the movie away from Mac.
They're faces are inches apart when they suddenly realize that their struggle has resulted in Mac straddling Dick and she can feel his breathe on her lips.
"Mac," Dick whispers, before gently pulling her down to kiss him. Mac gasps as his lips brush against hers and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue past her lips. His hands are stroking her back softly as she runs her's through his tousled hair. She's getting lost in his taste when she feels him pressing against her through his jeans.
Mac lets out a whimper as he presses up against her and, the next thing she knows, he's rolled them over and he's looming over her on the sofa. His kisses trail down her neck and she feels his hand slide up under the thin cotton shirt she was wearing. He cups her breast and begins to work her shirt up with his other hand.
Mac wishes that she had worn cuter underwear than the simple white bra she had put on that morning.
The realization that Dick Casablancas was about to see her underwear shot Mac back to reality and she pushed him off her. Her action seemed to bring him back to.
They both sit there, staring at the blank television screen for several minutes without speaking. Mac's heart is pounding in her chest and her head is swimming. Suddenly she's off the couch and running out the front door to her car.
She doesn't talk to Dick for three days before she finally receives a text message from him that reads: 'Fine, we'll watch Underworld: Evolution next time you come over.'
She waits two more days before taking him up on his offer
***
It's on the fourth of July that Mac realizes just how normal kissing Dick Casablancas has become.
Mac had laid out some blankets on the grass next to the patio and they've been sprawled out on them since dusk waiting for the fireworks. You can't really see them from the Casablancas' backyard, but you can hear still hear the boom and see the tops of the bigger ones over the trees that line the ground.
It's not the same as watching them in the park, but Mac and Dick still aren't up for the whole socialization thing yet. So they've settled for this and Mac just tries to enjoy the fact that there aren't any annoying little brats running around with sparkles while screaming at the top of their lungs.
She's licking the cotton candy, which was purchased pre-packaged from the nearest gas station, off her fingers when Dick suddenly leans in and kisses her. She can feel his tongue tracing the outline of her lips, whipping away the sticky traces of processed sugar.
"Yummy," he whispers as he pulls away from her several minutes later. Mac just smiles and pops some more cotton candy into her mouth.
Mac realizes that these kisses are becoming more and more common. It's becoming almost natural to kiss him goodbye every night when she leaves his house, or the way that his pecks her check whenever she brings him a beer during his video marathons before turning his attention back to the game.
Mac also realizes that this probably means something big and important. They're going to need to deal with that eventually.
But she's still Mac and he's still Dick and talking has never really been the strong point of their relationship. So Mac just lays back and watches as the fireworks start to go off.
***
"Are you sure that there's something wrong with your computer?" Mac asks, as she completes another of many scans which revealed all programs were working perfectly fine on Veronica's laptop.
"You're having sex," Veronica answers, causing Mac to look up from the spot on her bed to see that Veronica had opened her underwear draw. "Or you're planning to have sex. I haven't decided yet."
"What the hell are you doing," Mac cried, quickly placing Veronica's laptop down and lunging off the bed.
"Looking at your underwear," Veronica replied, as if that explained everything. Veronica held up a black bra and smiled. "This is new."
"And why exactly are you doing that," Mac demanded, grabbing her bra back. She threw it into the draw and quickly shut it.
"You bought new, cute underwear and lots of it," Veronica explains as she sits down on the edge of the bed. "A girl only does that when she thinks that someone else is going to be seeing it."
"Maybe I…," Mac starts but Veronica interrupts.
"Alone, this doesn't prove anything. But I already told you, Mac, I know that you're with somebody," Veronica informs her as she closes her laptop.
"There's nothing wrong with your computer, is there?" Mac realizes. She was her friend; Veronica wasn't suppose to use her spy mojo on her.
"Nope, I just wanted some confirmation that I was right," she answered, as she walked with Mac to the front door.
"Why do you even care?" Mac sighed, knowing that it was only a matter of time before Veronica figured it out. Not that it would really be all that difficult. Her car spent more time in the Casablancas' driveway than her own.
"Because you're my friend and I want to make sure you don't get hurt again," Veronica answers.
Mac wants to tell Veronica about Dick. About how the only time she really feels comfortable in her own skin is when she's with him. But it's still new and scary and Mac's not really sure how Veronica would react to the news. So she just hugs Veronica before closing the front door and grabs her key off the kitchen counter. She waits twenty minutes, until she's sure Veronica's gone, before leaving for Dick's.
***
The first time that Mac cries for Cassidy, really cries for him, it's not how she imagined. She always thought that it would be the result of finally talking about the night he killed himself and all the things he did. She'd play with the hemming on the bottom of her shirt and apologize to everyone for the tears, even though she wouldn't really be sorry. She would be hugged and comforted and afterwards she would feel better.
Instead, she's lying naked underneath Dick on the sofa and he's just ripped open the condom wrapper when she feels the first tears start to fall down her cheek. She can't help but think about that night, how she had been in the exact same position with Cassidy and how Mac had had so many hopes and dreams for them at that moment.
She can't stop the tears after that; she's bawling and pushing Dick away. She sits up, pulling her legs to her chest and waits for something to happen. She wants Dick to pull her into his arm and to tell her that everything is going to be okay. All she wants is some fucking comfort because this is hurting more than she thought it would.
Dick pats her back awkwardly, as he mumbles something that she can't understand, before he hands her her underpants.
And this moment isn't turning out the way that it was supposed to because later after, she's dressed and left without a word, she doesn't feel any better.
Dick doesn't mention it when she shows up the next morning and she doesn't bring it up, but he doesn't try to kiss her for a week after that.
***
"You should do orange highlights!" Dick declares, handing Mac a box of hair dye as they walk down the grocery store isle.
"I think I want to do red again," Mac muses, turning the box over in her hand.
"Why do ask if you're not gonna listen to me?" Dick asks her.
"That's the thing. I didn't ask for your opinion," Mac replies, but she throws the orange hair dye into the basket and starts walking towards the end of the isle.
She can feel Dick smiling proudly behind her.
***
She loses her virginity on the floor in the kitchen.
They had been making lunch because, after two and a half months of take out, even Dick was missing home cooked meals.
Dick had come up with the brilliant idea of making a pizza from scratch, which was really a lot harder than Mac thought it would be. Dick was still having fun with it, trying to spin the pizza dough in his hand to make the pie.
He tried to throw it in the air, but it kinda rotated sideways before landing in an undefined shape on the counter.
"You're really not good at this," Mac informs him as she continues to stir the tomato sauce.
"Dude, I'm an awesome chief. You're just jealous of my mad skills," he informed.
"Yeah, sure you are," she laughed. Suddenly there's a poof of white and she's covered in flour.
Dick's still laughing when Mac's sauce covered hand runs across his face leaving a red trail. He grabs her wrist as she tries to escape before he can get her back. They struggle for a moment before Mac slips on some of the tomato sauce that had dripped off her hand. She falls backwards, bringing Dick with her.
He lands on top of her and he's heavy and it's hard to breathe so she tries to push him off.
But then Dick's kissing her and she doesn't care so much about the breathing anymore. His hand works it way up her skirt and pushes aside her thin cotton panties. She gasps as his fingers slide inside of her, but it's the look in his eyes that takes her breath away.
She hadn't seen that much passion in his eyes all summer.
After that it was frantic and all blurred together. She pulled his shirt over his head, leaving red stains on the white fabric, as he pushed her shirt up. He was kissing her stomach when she arched her back off the floor enough so he could unhook her bra.
She gasped his name when he bit down on her nipple and god, it felt so good.
When he entered her it hurt, but not as much as she had expected. He slowly increased his pace and Mac began to feel something build up inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and angled herself so his thrusts went in deeper.
When he came he yelled her name before collapsing next to her on the floor.
Afterwards, Mac was sticky with their sweat, sore between her legs and it would take three more times before she would have an orgasm.
***
Veronica drags Mac to the beach the last week of August to spend a day of fun in the sun, as she described it.
"Hurry up, he's waiting for us," Veronica urged as Mac grabbed her beach bag out of the trunk.
"You're the one who wanted to stop and get slurpees," Mac joked as she joined Veronica on the boardwalk.
"You can't go to the beach without slurpees. It's a crime against humanity," she joked, before waving to Logan who was laying down a beach towel. Mac had known from the start that he was going to be joining them for the day, but she hadn't expected him to bring Dick.
But there he was, standing next to Logan in only a pair of swimming trunks.
"Ronnie! What's up?" Dick yelled as the girls joined them, throwing their bags down onto the sand. Mac focused on spreading her towel out perfectly aligned with Logan's and not making eye contact with Dick.
She wasn't quite sure how she was suppose to behave. Whatever was going on between her and Dick hadn't been defined. Like, at all.
He had told her once that he liked kissing her, but Mac didn't think that counted as form of commitment. Well, other than Dick's own commitment to himself to do stuff that felt good.
"Hey Mac," Dick was suddenly kneeling down next to her and she looked up to meet his eye. "Wanna learn how to surf?"
***
Mac learned two things at the beach. The first was that she did not have a natural gift for recreational sports at the beach, whether it was Dick's attempt at teaching her how to surf or the volleyball game Veronica had convinced Mac to join.
The second thing she learned was that she didn't care.
Sure, she couldn't even get up on the surf board without tumbling over into the water but she loved attempting to ride the board with Dick behind her. He'd wrap his arm around her waist when they lost their balance and pull her into the water with him. Once they surfaced they would try to blame each other for fall which usually resulted in a several minutes of splash fighting.
And yeah, she and Veronica definitely lost at volleyball, but Mac had pulled off this cool move were she had like dove at the ball and hit it when it was only like a foot above the ground. Sand had gotten into places that Mac didn't think was possible because of it, but Veronica had assured her it looked really cool.
By the time they had finished the game Logan and Dick had bought lunch for the four of them and they sat in a circle on the blankets eating. Dick kept trying to steal Mac's French fries and Veronica ate half of Logan's sandwich when he got up to buy them some more drinks.
They didn't leave the beach until dusk and Dick offered to give Mac a ride home.
"Logan can go with Ronnie. That way those two can get their groove on faster," Dick informed her and Veronica tried to hit him in the shin with her bag, but she was laughing as she did it.
"Yeah, that's fine," Mac said, as they hauled their stuff back towards the boardwalk. Dick and Logan packed up the car as Mac sat next to Veronica on a nearby bench.
"You know, I wasn't expecting it to be Dick," Veronica finally said, breaking the silence and Mac felt her entire body tense.
"What?" Mac gasped, scolding herself for under estimating her friend again.
"I was expecting someone more like you," Veronica continued, as they watched Dick and Logan pretend to have a swordfight with the beach umbrellas.
"That's the thing. He is," Mac said, watching Dick fall to the ground after Logan pretended to stab him through the chest and proclaim victory.
"Come on, sexy mamas! It's time to hit the road!" Dick yelled to them.
They had sex in the backseat of Dick's car on the way home after pulling into an empty parking lot. The windows fogged up and there wasn't quite enough room to make it completely comfortable but his skin tasted like salt and he smelled like the ocean.
Mac came twice before they crawled back into the front seat and he drove her home.
***
Mac drives over to his house at the crack of dawn the day before freshmen orientation.
The radio's on, but later she won't be able to recall one song that played. She'll remember how her hands were shaking on the wheel and how the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach was threatening to consumer her entire body.
Summer was almost over and Mac knew she wasn't ready for that.
***
They spend the morning like every other day that summer, watching some random movie that Dick had found on basic cable. It's from the '80s and the acting is horrible, but there are plenty of explosions so it's enough to keep his attention.
Mac's trying to use it as a distraction from focusing on the fact that tomorrow they'll be moving onto campus at Hearst.
They hadn't really talked about the whole college thing yet.
Mac was rooming with Veronica in the freshmen dorms and Dick was renting out one of the suites with Logan. Their conversation hadn't really gotten past that point and Mac wasn't really sure what that meant for them once summer was over.
"We should go swimming," Dick muses, and Mac notices that the pool has caught his attention, it being blue and shimmery and welcoming. Suddenly, he's pulling her off the sofa and leading her out onto the back patio. They're almost to the pool by the time that Mac's brain catches up with her feet and she pulls them to a stop. "What?"
"Dick, you're still in your regular clothes and I don't even have a bathing suit here," Mac points out, motioning to their fully dressed figures, but then Dick's taking off his shirt and this is definitely not working towards Mac's plan to get them back into the house watching bad movies and eating stale popcorn. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going swimming," he tells her, as if it's the most obvious thing on Earth. And then his pants are off and he's diving into the pool. before she can say anything and when he surfaces he's yelling at her to come in.
"I can't! I'm going inside!" She tells him before she turns to walk into the house, but she only makes it a few steps before she hears him climbing out of the pool.
Then his wet arm is wrapping around her waist, his breath is on her neck, and he's completely naked. Mac doesn't have time to process all that information and react before he's throwing them into the pool.
"I can't believe you did that!" she yells, splashing him but she's laughing. She swims to the edge and climbs out of the pool. She can almost hear Dick pouting behind her.
"Come on, you're already wet," he moans, but Mac just smiles at him before stripping off her shirt. He shuts up when he realizes what she's doing. The look on his face when she takes off her bra makes the whole thing worth it.
She leaves her clothes in a wet pile by the side of the pool before diving in to join Dick in the cool water.
"I thought you couldn't," he jokes swimming over to her.
"I was already wet," she whispers, before splashing Dick when he leans in to kiss her. After all, Mac thinks, it's not like he hadn't seen her naked a hundred times before that summer.
They spend the next several hours splashing each other before Mac finally allows Dick to corner her by the side of the pool and kiss her. She can feel him pressing up against her and she moans into his mouth.
They manage to break apart long to climb out of the pool and Dick grabs a condom from his wallet, but then he's kissing her again. They manage to make it halfway to the house, wrapped up in each other's arms, before Dick trips and they fall into the grass.
They're still naked and wet, and blades of grass stick to her back, when Dick roles over on top of her, but she doesn't care about any of that when he thrusts into her.
He's cupping her breasts and moaning her name as Mac stares up at the clouds and she runs her hand over the pool of sweat and pool water that had formed on the base of his back.
When she comes she screams so loud she's sure that the neighbors heard.
***
"I have to get some shit from my room," he tells Mac as she pulls one of his sweatshirts over her head. The slogan reads 'sex fiend' in bold black letters across the front, but Mac still had grass blades in her hair so she didn't think she really had any room to object at the moment.
"Oh," she replied, tugging on the smallest pair of jeans that she had been able to find before she finally made eye contact with him. She knew what Dick was asking her to do and she wasn't completely sure she was ready to face Cassidy's room. But she also knew that she couldn't make him face it alone.
"Come on," she assured him, holding out her hand for him to take before they headed up the staircase.
They stand in the doorway to Cassidy's room without saving a word for god knows how long.
It didn't feel right, after everything they had learned. It wasn't supposed to look the same anymore. It was supposed to be as changed as Mac's perception of Cassidy.
But it looked the same as it had the last time she had spent the afternoon in there with him. She remembers kissing him and laughing. He had seemed so happy.
She lets go of Dick's hand when she notices a picture of her on Cassidy's desk and she stuffs it into her pocket. She wants to ask Dick if he feels guilty about whatever it is that they're doing. If he thinks that Cassidy would hate them.
Then again, Cassidy had blown up a bus full of their classmates. He wasn't really in a position to be judging anyone's actions.
They don't go into the room. Dick reaches in and shuts the door, but holds onto the doorknob for a few seconds too long before they continue on to his room.
Mac sits cross legged on his bed as he collects the few items that he needed, stuffing them into a duffle bag that he had retrieved from his closet.
They don't talk.
***
Sex with Dick had always been urgent and needy.
It wasn't something that was ever really thought out or planned. It always just sort of happened and was over quickly. It was fast and hard and good.
Afterwards, they would dress and go on as if nothing had happened. There was a solace in their easy silence about it.
But now Dick's kissing her softly and sweetly and it's making her feel all sorts of things that she's not ready to deal with. This is too close to feeling like a relationship and he's not allowed to do this to her, not without defining whatever the fuck is going on between them.
So Mac rolls him over so she's straddling his waist and she feels the bed adjust to their change of position as she pins his hands above his head. She roles her hips, feeling him pressing up against her and then he's looking at her with lust in his eyes and Mac feels herself relax. This was normal, and there was comfort in routine.
"Fuck," he moans, as she pulls the sweatshirt over her head to expose her breast. He arches himself off the bed, his tongue darting out over her nipple. She gasps as he sucks it into his mouth and bites it gently.
Mac's panting now and he roles her over before trailing kisses down her stomach and licking a trail along her jean line. Dick tugs off her jeans and then his mouth is in between her legs and, oh god, this is new.
She runs her hand through his blonde hair and moans his name as he sucks at her gently. She could definitely get use to this.
***
Later, when he's fucking her, Mac realizes that it's the first time they've ever had sex in a bed. It's always been on the couch or in the backseat of his truck or the one time on top of the kitchen table.
But Mac doesn't think that accounts for how different it feels. Because it's more tender and they're taking their time and when they come he's looking into her eyes with something that's a little too close to love.
Afterwards, he wraps his arm tightly around her waist before pulling the blanket up over them. When she tries to pull away from him he doesn't let her go.
Mac knows that the bedding hasn't been changed in months and that her mother is going to expect her home by midnight. Her cell phone is still in her purse on the end table and her clothes are probably still out by the pool. They'll be damp if she leaves them out there now that the sun has set and her parents will be calling if she doesn't come home.
But Dick's bed is comfy and his arms feel nice around her. And she's not quite sure yet if she's ever going to get this chance again so she closes her eyes and lets herself fall asleep.
***
It's the sun through the curtains that wakes her up at 9 am and she's wrapped up in Dick under the covers of his bed.
He looks sweet when he's sleeping so Mac untangles herself from his arm and retrieves some of the clothes from the floor. She was supposed to pick Veronica an hour ago to start moving their stuff into their dorm room.
She dresses quickly and runs downstairs to make some toast. There are four voicemails on her phone.
The first three are from her mother, ranging from worry to anger. Mac decides against calling her back, figuring she could smooth things over better in person.
She starts to butter her toast as she listens to the final message.
“Hey Mac. It's Veronica. Um, you were supposed to be here like half an hour ago. I tried your house, but your mom just started ranting to me about you being out all night. So yeah, say 'hi' to Dick for me and try to get over here before noon," Mac smiles as she finishes the message while Dick enters the kitchen.
"I thought you left," Dick says, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"Nope, I'm avoiding the walk of shame as long as possible," Mac says as munches at her toast. "And you do realize it's like 9 am, right?"
"So?" Dick asks, taking a drink. Mac just sighs and shakes her head.
"I gotta get going. We're moving in today and I still don't have my stuff loaded in my car," Mac explains, popping the last piece of toast in her mouth before heading towards the door.
"Stay," Dick urges, as Mac slips on her sandals and tries to come up with a convincingly good reason to give her mother to explain why she's wearing men's clothing.
"I can't. I have like a zillion things to do today," Mac explains, but then his hands are around her waist and she's facing him and the world feels like it kinda stopped for a second.
Her hair is frizzed and knotted, she has breadcrumbs sticking to her lips, and she hasn't showered in over 24 hours. He's not supposed to be looking at her like she's beautiful.
"Stay with me?" he asks and Mac knows that he's not just talking about this morning.
"Yeah, I'm gonna stay with you," she answers, before pressing her lips against his and he tastes a little like toothpaste.
And this was not really the moment of clarification that she was hoping for. Cause she still doesn't know exactly what this is, only that there is something. It's not a promise and it's not a guarantee, but Mac doesn't care. For now, it's enough to keep her there.