Trying to fit a circle in a square...
My subject is exactly what I feel righ tnow. I feel like I'm trying to fit a circle into a square right now. I'm trying to do what I feel is right but it is so hard. It's hard to even determine what is right and wrong. I don't know what I feel anymore. All of a sudden everything is just changing. Part of me still wants to get out of here. I know I will within the next few years. Who knows. I might even end up down south like I had talked about before. I just feel like my life is so redundant right now. I do this, then I do that. I do the same thing agian, then I do that again. I don't want my life to be like this. I just want to laugh again and really be happy. I know that I can surround myself with people who make me fully happy. I just don't know why I am not. Part of me feels like I have to leave and get away from what I know and have become comfortable with and just start over. I've been having a really hard time with this next upcoming week. I don't know who I am going to turn to for help because the ones I would normally turn to are no longer there. They are, but not in the same way. Part of me wants to just say forget it all and just do what I feel like doing. I know things may now be right to do but at this point there is nothing else for me to do. The only fear I have is messing up things for the future. I just miss having my best friend here. Now all our friendship is occasional visit on the weekends... phone calls every now and then. Truth of the matter being we have gone our own ways. I just really miss her so much. I have also been thinking a lot about what other people say and what I think or feel. I think I need to stop listneing to other people and letting them influence what I feel because it is just artificial unless it is my own straight from my heart. Sigh... I don't know what I am going to do. I just don't know.