(no subject)
I am trying desperately to pick myself up, and it is not working.
If it's not my mind, it is my body working against me. I try and eat, and everything goes south. I feel like I am a complete lard-a## now, because instead of having a lot of muscle, I just feel soft and fat now. I want to cry. My mood is crap, and I still feel like poop. Why am I going through this bull? What have I done wrong to deserve this? :(
I was so proud of my quads and gains, and now that I have lost a lot of muscle, I am struggling with wanting to gain it back, and wanting bones again. I cannot f***ing go back to that place again.
I had finally built myself a booty, and those gains are gone too. These pants are 0's and they are big now. The sick part of my brain is screaming that I am still fat and I need to lose some more, but the healthy part of my brain is crying. I feel so torn.
And then my face... now I am afraid of my cheeks looking fuller again. :(
If it's not my mind, it is my body working against me. I try and eat, and everything goes south. I feel like I am a complete lard-a## now, because instead of having a lot of muscle, I just feel soft and fat now. I want to cry. My mood is crap, and I still feel like poop. Why am I going through this bull? What have I done wrong to deserve this? :(
I was so proud of my quads and gains, and now that I have lost a lot of muscle, I am struggling with wanting to gain it back, and wanting bones again. I cannot f***ing go back to that place again.
I had finally built myself a booty, and those gains are gone too. These pants are 0's and they are big now. The sick part of my brain is screaming that I am still fat and I need to lose some more, but the healthy part of my brain is crying. I feel so torn.
And then my face... now I am afraid of my cheeks looking fuller again. :(