Dream Sequence [2PM]
Title: Dream Sequence
Pairing: Chansung/Wooyoung
Length: 1,967
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: Daring to hope is one of the scariest things Chansung has ever done.
Notes: Remix of heartsnote's Full Circle. Originally posted here.
Daring to hope is one of the scariest things Chansung has ever done.
They'd been kids once, even if their childhoods were more complicated than most. Chansung had the wonderful combination of good timing and courage and easygoing determination, complemented largely by his height and charisma and - undeniably - a face you could easily pick out in a crowd. He worked hard but his success is thanks to more than just that. To his credit, he knows that he owes plenty to sheer luck.
Whereas in the early days Wooyoung had much less. Wooyoung was barely more than a wiry boy who outdanced his competition, who smiled awkwardly and knew how to read his peers but didn't know how to reach out to them even if he wanted to (so after a while he just learned to stop). It wasn't hard to see how he came to rely on no one but himself, how his will had been pressed to the strength of diamond.
They were a terrible mix.
Even when they were lumped together for training, Chansung whiled away his time with Junho and the easy escape of being same-aged friends while Khun-hyung slowly picked away at Wooyoung's layers of shells one unwelcome hug at a time.
So, strangely, whenever Chansung sought his moments of quiet he always found himself hiding where Wooyoung had already hidden. And they'd look at each other and Chansung would bow politely and Wooyoung would ignore him and they'd sit as far away from each other as they can manage and they'd pretend that they were no one at all and that was how they knew peace.
Behavior is a crystal: a patterned structure of repeating traits and attitudes that emerge recognizably even under different circumstances.
They were all just children back then, even if it took them years to acknowledge it. They won trophies and the hearts of fans and they felt like they could conquer the world. And just when they'd learned to trust each other, Jay left and their world shook and Chansung had to learn to pick up the pieces of his own heart because no one had the strength to look after anyone else.
They all needed to heal and there wasn't time to do it the normal way; each of them had to find a way to cope. Taec, always so cerebral, exhausted himself in the gym and stole his own time to think, the same way Junsu (for Minjun wasn't anyone yet back then) drowned himself in music. Khun was not so fortunate; Khun always felt much deeper than anyone else, and for a while nobody could talk to him save for shallow jokes and small reminders that everything would be alright. Chansung wanted to worry for Junho - of them all, Junho believed most readily that he was invincible. But for once Chansung couldn't bring himself to be there for his friend.
Chansung ran away. Chansung sought his solitude. Chansung sought the shade of trees and the tickle of grass on his skin and the smell of earth and leaves and the green of cultivated nature. Unlike his friend, he knew he needed to break and reset. And in his moments of weakness Chansung always looked for silence even if he wallowed in self-pity.
"You're not being selfish."
Chansung doesn't bother to look up from the blades of grass he'd been tearing by the veins. In their mutual need for solitude, he and Wooyoung always found themselves around each other.
"Take your time," Wooyoung tells him. "A broken friend is no use to anyone. I can be there for him while you're fixing yourself."
This is breaking the rules. They never talk to each other when they're alone. Their solitude is sacred.
Chansung blows the shreds away before raising his head morosely.
Wooyoung shrugs. "But I'm not bestfriend material. I can only do so much, okay? I can't support him like you can. You're one of a kind, not that the phrase means anything."
Chansung looks away, still not saying a word.
"And hey." Wooyoung sits beside him. "I can support you too. If you need a friend, I mean. I can be there for you, too."
Chansung aims for a grin but settles for a grimace. "Thanks," he grunts, sounding more insincere than he means.
Wooyoung listens well. "Just don't get used to it," he says with a wink. "I don't like it any more than you do."
"I don't want to burden you."
Wooyoung laughs. It's genuine, not like the pretend laughter Chansung's been using for days. "Don't worry about me, I'm invincible." He says it so confidently like he's stating a fact, something Chansung finds himself believing.
They cross a small patch of daisies on their way back. Chansung plucks a stem from the ground and twirls it into a tight ring. "Here," he says as he hands it to Wooyoung. "But it's not a complete chain like what we see on TV."
"What's this for?"
"My thanks. For helping me feel better."
"Such a cheapskate," Wooyoung teases, but he keeps the flower - twisted stem and all - and keeps it safe until they're back home.
And slowly they do heal. Slowly they do piece things back together, slowly they get used to a life of seven even with only six of them. And slowly they learn to live for six instead.
Slowly something else… changes.
It's the little things, he knows. The quiet moments, like when they don't even pretend to be alone anymore, they still don't talk but they nod at each other when they go for silence and wait for each other before going back. Even the loud ones, like Taecyeon cracking a joke that's too awful to not be funny for the wrong reasons and the whole group is laughing and Chansung finds himself catching Wooyoung's eyes. And even the moments in between, like when Chansung only realizes that he's looking at Wooyoung when Wooyoung turns to look at him and Chansung grins cheekily back before looking away.
One day, Chansung slowly realizes that he's breaking another rule.
For the first time, he finds himself afraid. Both of himself and for himself.
"What's wrong?" Khun asks every once in a while.
"Nothing, hyung." Chansung chases the worry away from his eyes but Khun isn't so easily convinced.
"There's something I need to tell you."
Junho pulls the earphones off and powers his electric piano down, an action so readily fluid that Chansung knows Junho's been waiting for him. Junho is a good friend. It's terrifying to imagine that soon they might not be friends anymore.
Chansung hadn't been subtle. Everyone else wanted to go out for dinner, Junho said he had a song he wanted to work on so Chansung changed his answer to just wanting to stay home. There'd been odd looks from everyone else, but part of learning to live with each other is learning to let the little white lies go.
"I haven't been myself lately," he tells Junho quietly. Junho makes space for him on the piano bench and Chansung accepts the small act of comfort.
"You've been eerily quiet," Junho agrees. "I didn't know how to reach out to you. I'm sorry. I should have-"
"No, it's not your fault." Chansung wants to hug his friend, to comfort him and himself, but Junho might not want the contact after Chansung confesses and he owes Junho the choice of privacy. "I have something to tell you. About me."
"I'm listening," Junho says. "Tell me."
So Chansung does.
And Junho is quiet for too long. Chansung leaves for his room.
But before he can make it out the door Junho pulls him back and hugs him tight.
"You're my best friend," Junho says, looking Chansung straight in the eyes. "I'm not going to judge you. It'll take more than this to push me away."
It's wonderful how words can carry so much weight, or how words can take so much weight away. Chansung feels his mouth twisting to a smile, finds himself locking Junho in his arms and and hiding his face in Junho's hair, finds himself so relieved and it takes time for him to realize that the wetness in Junho's hair is from him.
It takes time for him to calm down to Junho's steady whispers of encouragement. And when he does he tells Junho even more. They feel like it's the first time they've spoken all over again because maybe that's the truth.
"Suddenly, things make a lot more sense," Junho says after practice one night. Chansung knows Junho's talking about how he caught Chansung watching Wooyoung's reflection too long to not mean anything.
"The powers of perspective," says Chansung.
"And here's perspective from an outsider." Junho's next words freeze the blood in Chansung's veins.
"I think he knows. I think he's done waiting."
If he thought he was afraid of telling Junho, it’s nothing compared to how he feels now.
"What's this?"
Wooyoung rolls his eyes impatiently. "Open it and find out."
Chansung raises his eyebrows and removes the lid of the cardboard box. Inside is a dried daisy whose stem had been twisted into a ring. Chansung's mind starts racing.
"It's surprisingly easy to preserve a flower," Wooyoung says lightly. "Memories and promises… not so much. They're trickier to keep."
Chansung clamps down on everything he feels, keeps himself as neutral as he can be. "I'm not old enough to have faulty memory," he says. He puts the lid back on to protect the memento from the rooftop wind. Flowers may be easy to preserve but memories aren't blown away so easily.
"I know." Wooyoung takes a step closer and pushes a strand of hair away from Chansung's face. "You gave me that as thanks for helping you feel better, remember? Here it is. I'm giving it to you again in case it helps you through what's bothering you these days."
Easy words that carry so much meaning. Chansung knows Wooyoung never speaks lightly. "What I need now isn't comfort," Chansung admits.
"I know," Wooyoung repeats confidently. "What you need now is courage."
Chansung shakes his head in disbelief in how Wooyoung says it so easily. "You really are invincible, aren't you?"
"Sometimes we learn to believe our own lies." Wooyoung's smirk is almost smug. "You have something to tell me."
"Something I thought I never had to look for the courage to," Chansung admits.
"Because you had no plans on telling me whatsoever?"
Chansung shrugs. Affirmation comes in many forms. Wooyoung evidently has everything already figured out. And the way they're talking, the way Wooyoung is leaning in closely-
"All I can promise you is that I'll try." Wooyoung takes Chansung's hand and presses it against his chest. "All the courage you need? You can find it right here. I promise you I'll try. If you can promise me that you'll try, too."
Daring to hope is one of the scariest things Chansung has ever done.
"So?" Wooyoung chides with a raised eyebrow.
Chansung takes a deep breath and grins. The wind is blowing strong, it's harsh on his nose. For some reason it makes him laugh giddily. "Are you confessing to me, Mr. Jang?"
"Can't expect an idiot to think for himself." Wooyoung reaches into his bag and gently takes out another daisy stem curled into a ring, presses it into Chansung's palm. "Here's your courage," he says. "Now let's go down before we lose our chance to eat dinner."
"It's not a group secret couple if you guys aren't making much effort to keep it a secret," Junho jeers from his corner of the practice room.
Wooyoung rolls his eyes and keeps wiping Chansung's neck with his towel.
Chansung wonders how long this promise will last.
Pairing: Chansung/Wooyoung
Length: 1,967
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: Daring to hope is one of the scariest things Chansung has ever done.
Notes: Remix of heartsnote's Full Circle. Originally posted here.
Daring to hope is one of the scariest things Chansung has ever done.
They'd been kids once, even if their childhoods were more complicated than most. Chansung had the wonderful combination of good timing and courage and easygoing determination, complemented largely by his height and charisma and - undeniably - a face you could easily pick out in a crowd. He worked hard but his success is thanks to more than just that. To his credit, he knows that he owes plenty to sheer luck.
Whereas in the early days Wooyoung had much less. Wooyoung was barely more than a wiry boy who outdanced his competition, who smiled awkwardly and knew how to read his peers but didn't know how to reach out to them even if he wanted to (so after a while he just learned to stop). It wasn't hard to see how he came to rely on no one but himself, how his will had been pressed to the strength of diamond.
They were a terrible mix.
Even when they were lumped together for training, Chansung whiled away his time with Junho and the easy escape of being same-aged friends while Khun-hyung slowly picked away at Wooyoung's layers of shells one unwelcome hug at a time.
So, strangely, whenever Chansung sought his moments of quiet he always found himself hiding where Wooyoung had already hidden. And they'd look at each other and Chansung would bow politely and Wooyoung would ignore him and they'd sit as far away from each other as they can manage and they'd pretend that they were no one at all and that was how they knew peace.
Behavior is a crystal: a patterned structure of repeating traits and attitudes that emerge recognizably even under different circumstances.
They were all just children back then, even if it took them years to acknowledge it. They won trophies and the hearts of fans and they felt like they could conquer the world. And just when they'd learned to trust each other, Jay left and their world shook and Chansung had to learn to pick up the pieces of his own heart because no one had the strength to look after anyone else.
They all needed to heal and there wasn't time to do it the normal way; each of them had to find a way to cope. Taec, always so cerebral, exhausted himself in the gym and stole his own time to think, the same way Junsu (for Minjun wasn't anyone yet back then) drowned himself in music. Khun was not so fortunate; Khun always felt much deeper than anyone else, and for a while nobody could talk to him save for shallow jokes and small reminders that everything would be alright. Chansung wanted to worry for Junho - of them all, Junho believed most readily that he was invincible. But for once Chansung couldn't bring himself to be there for his friend.
Chansung ran away. Chansung sought his solitude. Chansung sought the shade of trees and the tickle of grass on his skin and the smell of earth and leaves and the green of cultivated nature. Unlike his friend, he knew he needed to break and reset. And in his moments of weakness Chansung always looked for silence even if he wallowed in self-pity.
"You're not being selfish."
Chansung doesn't bother to look up from the blades of grass he'd been tearing by the veins. In their mutual need for solitude, he and Wooyoung always found themselves around each other.
"Take your time," Wooyoung tells him. "A broken friend is no use to anyone. I can be there for him while you're fixing yourself."
This is breaking the rules. They never talk to each other when they're alone. Their solitude is sacred.
Chansung blows the shreds away before raising his head morosely.
Wooyoung shrugs. "But I'm not bestfriend material. I can only do so much, okay? I can't support him like you can. You're one of a kind, not that the phrase means anything."
Chansung looks away, still not saying a word.
"And hey." Wooyoung sits beside him. "I can support you too. If you need a friend, I mean. I can be there for you, too."
Chansung aims for a grin but settles for a grimace. "Thanks," he grunts, sounding more insincere than he means.
Wooyoung listens well. "Just don't get used to it," he says with a wink. "I don't like it any more than you do."
"I don't want to burden you."
Wooyoung laughs. It's genuine, not like the pretend laughter Chansung's been using for days. "Don't worry about me, I'm invincible." He says it so confidently like he's stating a fact, something Chansung finds himself believing.
They cross a small patch of daisies on their way back. Chansung plucks a stem from the ground and twirls it into a tight ring. "Here," he says as he hands it to Wooyoung. "But it's not a complete chain like what we see on TV."
"What's this for?"
"My thanks. For helping me feel better."
"Such a cheapskate," Wooyoung teases, but he keeps the flower - twisted stem and all - and keeps it safe until they're back home.
And slowly they do heal. Slowly they do piece things back together, slowly they get used to a life of seven even with only six of them. And slowly they learn to live for six instead.
Slowly something else… changes.
It's the little things, he knows. The quiet moments, like when they don't even pretend to be alone anymore, they still don't talk but they nod at each other when they go for silence and wait for each other before going back. Even the loud ones, like Taecyeon cracking a joke that's too awful to not be funny for the wrong reasons and the whole group is laughing and Chansung finds himself catching Wooyoung's eyes. And even the moments in between, like when Chansung only realizes that he's looking at Wooyoung when Wooyoung turns to look at him and Chansung grins cheekily back before looking away.
One day, Chansung slowly realizes that he's breaking another rule.
For the first time, he finds himself afraid. Both of himself and for himself.
"What's wrong?" Khun asks every once in a while.
"Nothing, hyung." Chansung chases the worry away from his eyes but Khun isn't so easily convinced.
"There's something I need to tell you."
Junho pulls the earphones off and powers his electric piano down, an action so readily fluid that Chansung knows Junho's been waiting for him. Junho is a good friend. It's terrifying to imagine that soon they might not be friends anymore.
Chansung hadn't been subtle. Everyone else wanted to go out for dinner, Junho said he had a song he wanted to work on so Chansung changed his answer to just wanting to stay home. There'd been odd looks from everyone else, but part of learning to live with each other is learning to let the little white lies go.
"I haven't been myself lately," he tells Junho quietly. Junho makes space for him on the piano bench and Chansung accepts the small act of comfort.
"You've been eerily quiet," Junho agrees. "I didn't know how to reach out to you. I'm sorry. I should have-"
"No, it's not your fault." Chansung wants to hug his friend, to comfort him and himself, but Junho might not want the contact after Chansung confesses and he owes Junho the choice of privacy. "I have something to tell you. About me."
"I'm listening," Junho says. "Tell me."
So Chansung does.
And Junho is quiet for too long. Chansung leaves for his room.
But before he can make it out the door Junho pulls him back and hugs him tight.
"You're my best friend," Junho says, looking Chansung straight in the eyes. "I'm not going to judge you. It'll take more than this to push me away."
It's wonderful how words can carry so much weight, or how words can take so much weight away. Chansung feels his mouth twisting to a smile, finds himself locking Junho in his arms and and hiding his face in Junho's hair, finds himself so relieved and it takes time for him to realize that the wetness in Junho's hair is from him.
It takes time for him to calm down to Junho's steady whispers of encouragement. And when he does he tells Junho even more. They feel like it's the first time they've spoken all over again because maybe that's the truth.
"Suddenly, things make a lot more sense," Junho says after practice one night. Chansung knows Junho's talking about how he caught Chansung watching Wooyoung's reflection too long to not mean anything.
"The powers of perspective," says Chansung.
"And here's perspective from an outsider." Junho's next words freeze the blood in Chansung's veins.
"I think he knows. I think he's done waiting."
If he thought he was afraid of telling Junho, it’s nothing compared to how he feels now.
"What's this?"
Wooyoung rolls his eyes impatiently. "Open it and find out."
Chansung raises his eyebrows and removes the lid of the cardboard box. Inside is a dried daisy whose stem had been twisted into a ring. Chansung's mind starts racing.
"It's surprisingly easy to preserve a flower," Wooyoung says lightly. "Memories and promises… not so much. They're trickier to keep."
Chansung clamps down on everything he feels, keeps himself as neutral as he can be. "I'm not old enough to have faulty memory," he says. He puts the lid back on to protect the memento from the rooftop wind. Flowers may be easy to preserve but memories aren't blown away so easily.
"I know." Wooyoung takes a step closer and pushes a strand of hair away from Chansung's face. "You gave me that as thanks for helping you feel better, remember? Here it is. I'm giving it to you again in case it helps you through what's bothering you these days."
Easy words that carry so much meaning. Chansung knows Wooyoung never speaks lightly. "What I need now isn't comfort," Chansung admits.
"I know," Wooyoung repeats confidently. "What you need now is courage."
Chansung shakes his head in disbelief in how Wooyoung says it so easily. "You really are invincible, aren't you?"
"Sometimes we learn to believe our own lies." Wooyoung's smirk is almost smug. "You have something to tell me."
"Something I thought I never had to look for the courage to," Chansung admits.
"Because you had no plans on telling me whatsoever?"
Chansung shrugs. Affirmation comes in many forms. Wooyoung evidently has everything already figured out. And the way they're talking, the way Wooyoung is leaning in closely-
"All I can promise you is that I'll try." Wooyoung takes Chansung's hand and presses it against his chest. "All the courage you need? You can find it right here. I promise you I'll try. If you can promise me that you'll try, too."
Daring to hope is one of the scariest things Chansung has ever done.
"So?" Wooyoung chides with a raised eyebrow.
Chansung takes a deep breath and grins. The wind is blowing strong, it's harsh on his nose. For some reason it makes him laugh giddily. "Are you confessing to me, Mr. Jang?"
"Can't expect an idiot to think for himself." Wooyoung reaches into his bag and gently takes out another daisy stem curled into a ring, presses it into Chansung's palm. "Here's your courage," he says. "Now let's go down before we lose our chance to eat dinner."
"It's not a group secret couple if you guys aren't making much effort to keep it a secret," Junho jeers from his corner of the practice room.
Wooyoung rolls his eyes and keeps wiping Chansung's neck with his towel.
Chansung wonders how long this promise will last.