Tacenda [Got7]
Title: Tacenda [Chapter 2]
Main Character: Jaebum
Warnings: -none-
Rating: G
Word Count: 2,246
Summary: This is a story about things that should not be said.
Notes: New fandom, new writing style~ Thanks to Jess for the sudden beta request! ♥
[1]
"Where’s Jinyoung?"
Jackson and Bambam don’t even glance away from the television. Youngjae, curled up on the couch, says, "Last I saw him he went out with Mark-hyung."
Yugyeom looks up from his spot on the floor. "That was hours ago," he says thoughtfully and glances at his phone. "And it’s getting pretty late."
Jaebum frowns, more in surprise than anything.
"Just leave them to their date," Jackson says, forehead creased as he tries to keep pace with the drama’s dialogue. "Maybe they’ll come back all relaxed and stuff."
"That’s gross," Bambam says without any conviction.
"No, it’s gay but it’s not gross."
Jaebum starts dialing on his phone but the door opens before he can make the call.
"We bought chicken for everyone," Jinyoung announces, raising a box that smells too greasy to be healthy.
"It’s also way past dinner time." Jaebum looks closely at them. No torn clothes, no grab marks... Looks like they didn’t run into fans. "Almost lights out, actually."
"Had to wait until the alleys cleared up," Mark explains. They were able to map out a few escape routes that allowed them to sneak in and out unnoticed, but the paths were hidden in plain sight meaning the group had to be very subtle about using them.
"We already had dinner anyway," Youngjae says. He gets on his feet and stretches languidly. "I’m off to bed. Glad you’re home safe, hyungs."
"Let’s just have this for breakfast, then." Jinyoung heads for the kitchen.
"What?" Mark asks when he notices Jaebum looking sternly at him.
Jaebum shakes his head. "You and Jinyoung have been going out a lot lately," he answers casually. Jackson turns to watch them. The man can sense undertones from a mile away.
Mark shrugs, completely casual. "I’ve been feeling claustrophobic."
Mark never lies. But when he’s protecting someone he doesn’t really say the whole truth either.
"Are they secretly dating?" Jackson whispers with a lurid wink at Mark’s reflection in the practice room mirror. "You can tell me, I promise to keep quiet."
Jaebum raises an eyebrow at him. "Fifty pushups. Now."
"Aw man!!"
Jaebum doesn’t particularly mind yet.
They’re on their way to the van after the last magazine interview of the day. Jaebum, busy sending his initial report via text message to their scheduling manager, feels someone tap his shoulder lightly. He looks up and sees Jinyoung already walking down toward the other set of elevators, not the one that leads to the basement parking.
"Hey-" but before Jaebum can call out, Mark brushes past him, turns on his heel to offer a hurried apologetic bow, and rushes after Jinyoung.
"Can I go with them?" Bambam asks from behind. Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom are already out of sight. "Looks like those two are up to something fun."
Jaebum keeps staring down the hall where Jinyoung just disappeared off to. The best friend in him is fighting the leader ideals he’d built up over the year. "I’m not so sure. But as long as they’re back safely by curfew then I don’t mind how they choose to relax."
Bambam thinks about that. Jaebum starts thinking faster. "What if I-"
"And they don’t break any laws."
"Then if-"
"And don’t draw any attention to themselves."
"I see."
"And don’t break anything."
"Duly noted."
"No doing anything crazy."
"Hmm."
Jaebum narrows his eyes at Bambam. "You’re coming home with me."
"That’s unfair!"
"I’m just protecting the group," Jaebum explains. Bambam follows him, pretending to fume but there’s a pleased glint his eyes. He loves it when people acknowledge that he’s dangerous.
"Where are Jinyoung-hyung and Mark-hyung?" Yugyeom asks when they meet up. Youngjae is holding the elevator door open with his foot.
"They’re out to get dinner." It’s not technically a lie, Jaebum thinks, if he knows Jinyoung will buy food for them anyway.
"Again?" Youngjae grins widely at the oppurtunity. "I want fried chicken."
Jaebum shrugs and Youngjae pulls out his phone to text the menu. They might as well get free meals for Jaebum’s lenience.
The way Jackson is quietly contemplating the floor as they descend tells Jaebum that they’re not going to get away with this for long.
The football lazily rolls on the floor. Jackson startles in surprise and drops his slice of bread on the table. Jinyoung notices only when it hits his ankle.
"Wanna play a few rounds, hyung?" Youngjae asks, beaming in excitement at Jinyoung. He looks more confident in a sports jersey than in their idol costumes. It’s slightly alarming.
"You mean you actually use that?" Jackson stares at the football in disbelief. "I thought it was just for decoration or something."
It’s still early enough in the morning to get away with an hour of fun and games. Jaebum approves. There’s time to be driven and there’s time to chill.
Jinyoung blinks thrice, a passable mimicry of trying to wake himself to cover the surprise. "I’d like that," he says with sleepy cheer that cracks at the edges, "but I have to meet a few coordi noonas for some image ideas. We need more colors, you know? We need to balance Jackson’s consistent red and black."
"Red is wild and black is sexy, just like me."
Disappointment doesn’t look good on anyone, but Youngjae’s lack of control over his expressions makes him look even worse. "Oh."
"I’ll come with you, hyung." This comes from a surprising source. Bambam drains his mug of too sweet coffee. "I’ve been wanting a new image for weeks now. And I‘d rather be around when the noonas come up with something so I can say no. Not that they’ll listen to me or anything but it’s nice to pretend."
Jinyoung nods. "Okay. Get dressed, then." Jaebum hears the hesitation in Jinyoung’s voice, but he’s still half asleep and it’s too early to deal with this kind of shit.
Bambam disappears into the bathroom, Jinyoung makes his coffee, and Youngjae sits at the table and rests his chin on his hands.
Jackson crams the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and rubs his hands full of energy. "Come on, I’ll play with you," he mumbles around his breakfast. Youngjae’s quirked eyebrow is perfectly deprecating. "Don’t look at me like that, I’ll kick your ass ten to one and you know it. I bet you can’t even kick a goal past me, brat."
Jaebum is also too sleepy to actually sigh in exasperation. He appreciates Jackson’s emotional sensitivity, he really does, but going overboard really doesn’t do much help in the long run.
Mark wakes up ten minutes after Jackson and Youngjae leave. The first thing Jaebum hears from him is, "Where’s Jinyoung?"
"Youngjae asked him to play football."
It’s there for only less than a second. The apprehension in Mark’s eyes. The worry. But it’s gone in the blink of an eye.
"I thought Jinyoung-hyung went out with Bambam?" Yugyeom mumbles as he pours Mark his coffee.
"Oh yeah," Jaebum says. "My bad."
And again - there for only a moment, visible only to those who know him well - Jaebum catches Mark’s relief.
He knows he’s been relying on Jinyoung enough to also know that Jinyoung is the group’s shadow leader. Mothers tend to be like that.
So it’s no surprise to him that he begins to feel off-balance when Jinyoung starts being around less and less.
Jaebum breathes deeply and collects himself. A leader must learn to stand on his own.
"Well?"
"Well what?" Bambam asks back, perfectly innocent. Pretending like he didn’t try to get Jinyoung to talk about what’s really going on. But Jaebum knows better.
"Well what do you think is happening?" Jaebum elaborates.
They only have a few minutes: Jaebum has voice lessons to go to and Bambam has a variety show to prepare for.
Bambam hums a tune to himself for a few seconds. "I think," he says carefully, "you are going to have a lot on your plate soon, hyung."
Jaebum doesn’t say anything. He already knows.
"Umma is so brave and quiet," Bambam continues quietly. His tone draws Jaebum closer. Bambam is rarely this sincere. "It’s hard to believe that he’s in pain."
Jaebum already knows that, too.
Youngjae breaks the ice by bringing Jinyoung a cup of roasted rice tea. "This is great for relaxation," Youngjae says brightly, "and it’s wonderful for your voice." Jinyoung, surprised, amused, takes the cup and grins.
Jaebum watches them from the corner of the room.
"Rice tea can only do so much." Jinyoung takes a sip and closes his eyes. "Talent can do more."
"So does hard work and practice," Youngjae answers smoothly. "So let’s practice together later? Or we could just hang out. Take care of our voices by getting more brewed tea."
"Maybe we should."
"Hey, why didn’t I get one?" Jackson calls out loudly as he approaches. "I need to relax too, man, and my voice is-"
"Come on, Jackson." Mark drags a protesting Jackson away by the collar of his shirt.
Wisdom has nothing to do with age.
"Yugyeom?"
"Yes, hyung?"
"What would you do when someone you respect so much is hurting quietly? But he doesn’t want anyone to know?"
"That’s a hard question, hyung." Yugyeom bites his lip in thought. "I guess… I’ll just be there for him. And wait until he works through it or asks for my help."
"How have you been?" Jaebum asks while they’re waiting for the debrief to start.
The show just finished recording and the others took the short break as a chance to grab drinks. Bambam suggested beer, Jackson didn’t exactly discourage him, Mark’s face lit up, and Youngjae couldn’t believe his ears. Yugyeom, used to his hyung’s antics, chimed in and everyone rescinded their enthusiasm "because the magnae’s with us," "we shouldn’t be a bad influence on him," "he’s such a burden," so they settled on stalking the soda machine down the hall instead.
"You ask as if I haven’t been around," Jinyoung answers with a bemused smile.
"Maybe we’ve both just been too busy."
The producers arrive and the talk turns to post-production schedules. Jinyoung, ever the hard worker, throws himself enthusiastically into the discussion and Jaebum isn’t even surprised.
"How about here?" Youngjae shows his phone to Jinyoung, points and drags at the screen with his fingers. "The reviews are great and they have yogurt tea, which sounds weird but apparently it’s their best seller."
Yogurt tea sounds healthy, Jaebum thinks, but he foregoes asking them for takeouts for the rest of the group. These two spend so little time together as it is-
"Actually. Maybe not today?" Jinyoung asks, his voice fully apologetic.
"Oh." For someone as expressive as Youngjae, an empty expression is completely alarming. "You’ve got something to do?"
"Yeah." Jinyoung hugs Youngjae briefly from the side. "Umma’s kinda busy."
"Some other time, then?"
"Yeah, of course. There’ll be other times."
For someone as sincere as Jinyoung, a false promise is even worse.
Hyung?
Jaebum blinks at his phone. Youngjae is sitting right behind him in the van. He doesn’t turn around and just quietly taps at the screen. What’s up?
A minute of waiting. Why is Jinyoung-hyung avoiding me?
Jaebum keeps his expression neutral. Is he?
Hyung. It’s so easy to imagine the affront on Youngjae’s face.
They arrive at their next schedule. They hustle to reach the radio booth in time, whereas Jaebum is just glad for the distraction.
"Seriously," Jackson says in his conspiracy voice, "I think the group has a secret couple except that they’re not keeping it so secret anymore." He gestures at Mark and Jinyoung on the other side of the studio quietly sharing a book.
Jaebum sighs deeply. "Laundry duty. Starting this weekend."
"But-"
His arms shake. He lets himself fall to the floor. It’s hard but it doesn’t hurt much, he laid the yoga mats carefully, and he used to do this alone before he started relying on his human cushion.
Where Jaebum has maturity, Yugyeom has kindness.
Jaebum normally prefers actual conversation over text messages but sometimes the options for conversation are limited. Sometimes you reach people by whatever method they keep open.
Jinyoung. As your friend I’m telling you that I’m here for you. But as your leader I’m telling you to get your shit together. You running away isn’t solving anything.
But that’s not all he wants to say. For Jaebum, honesty and integrity are almost the same thing.
I need you too, man. I need my best friend.
But he doesn’t send it. A leader must be able to stand on his own.
Jaebum stares at the ceiling, breathes tiredly, and tries to wipe his mind blank.
They’re just about ready to sleep when the door to their room opens and Jinyoung is outlined by light from the hallway.
"Yeah?" Jaebum asks. It’s not the first time Jinyoung couldn’t sleep for all the voices in his head. "Wait, let me just-"
"Actually, hyung," Jinyoung interrupts, "can I talk to Youngjae?"
There’s silence for a second. "Sure, hyung," Youngjae answers. He’s tired (they’re all tired) but he pushes himself from bed and Jaebum can’t see his expression in the dark.
Youngjae shuffles out and Jinyoung closes the door behind him. Jaebum expects to feel relieved. He wonders why he’s suddenly overwhelmed with apprehension.
His phone is blinking in the dark. There’s a text from Jinyoung.
Message received, leader-sshi.
[next]
Main Character: Jaebum
Warnings: -none-
Rating: G
Word Count: 2,246
Summary: This is a story about things that should not be said.
Notes: New fandom, new writing style~ Thanks to Jess for the sudden beta request! ♥
[1]
"Where’s Jinyoung?"
Jackson and Bambam don’t even glance away from the television. Youngjae, curled up on the couch, says, "Last I saw him he went out with Mark-hyung."
Yugyeom looks up from his spot on the floor. "That was hours ago," he says thoughtfully and glances at his phone. "And it’s getting pretty late."
Jaebum frowns, more in surprise than anything.
"Just leave them to their date," Jackson says, forehead creased as he tries to keep pace with the drama’s dialogue. "Maybe they’ll come back all relaxed and stuff."
"That’s gross," Bambam says without any conviction.
"No, it’s gay but it’s not gross."
Jaebum starts dialing on his phone but the door opens before he can make the call.
"We bought chicken for everyone," Jinyoung announces, raising a box that smells too greasy to be healthy.
"It’s also way past dinner time." Jaebum looks closely at them. No torn clothes, no grab marks... Looks like they didn’t run into fans. "Almost lights out, actually."
"Had to wait until the alleys cleared up," Mark explains. They were able to map out a few escape routes that allowed them to sneak in and out unnoticed, but the paths were hidden in plain sight meaning the group had to be very subtle about using them.
"We already had dinner anyway," Youngjae says. He gets on his feet and stretches languidly. "I’m off to bed. Glad you’re home safe, hyungs."
"Let’s just have this for breakfast, then." Jinyoung heads for the kitchen.
"What?" Mark asks when he notices Jaebum looking sternly at him.
Jaebum shakes his head. "You and Jinyoung have been going out a lot lately," he answers casually. Jackson turns to watch them. The man can sense undertones from a mile away.
Mark shrugs, completely casual. "I’ve been feeling claustrophobic."
Mark never lies. But when he’s protecting someone he doesn’t really say the whole truth either.
"Are they secretly dating?" Jackson whispers with a lurid wink at Mark’s reflection in the practice room mirror. "You can tell me, I promise to keep quiet."
Jaebum raises an eyebrow at him. "Fifty pushups. Now."
"Aw man!!"
Jaebum doesn’t particularly mind yet.
They’re on their way to the van after the last magazine interview of the day. Jaebum, busy sending his initial report via text message to their scheduling manager, feels someone tap his shoulder lightly. He looks up and sees Jinyoung already walking down toward the other set of elevators, not the one that leads to the basement parking.
"Hey-" but before Jaebum can call out, Mark brushes past him, turns on his heel to offer a hurried apologetic bow, and rushes after Jinyoung.
"Can I go with them?" Bambam asks from behind. Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom are already out of sight. "Looks like those two are up to something fun."
Jaebum keeps staring down the hall where Jinyoung just disappeared off to. The best friend in him is fighting the leader ideals he’d built up over the year. "I’m not so sure. But as long as they’re back safely by curfew then I don’t mind how they choose to relax."
Bambam thinks about that. Jaebum starts thinking faster. "What if I-"
"And they don’t break any laws."
"Then if-"
"And don’t draw any attention to themselves."
"I see."
"And don’t break anything."
"Duly noted."
"No doing anything crazy."
"Hmm."
Jaebum narrows his eyes at Bambam. "You’re coming home with me."
"That’s unfair!"
"I’m just protecting the group," Jaebum explains. Bambam follows him, pretending to fume but there’s a pleased glint his eyes. He loves it when people acknowledge that he’s dangerous.
"Where are Jinyoung-hyung and Mark-hyung?" Yugyeom asks when they meet up. Youngjae is holding the elevator door open with his foot.
"They’re out to get dinner." It’s not technically a lie, Jaebum thinks, if he knows Jinyoung will buy food for them anyway.
"Again?" Youngjae grins widely at the oppurtunity. "I want fried chicken."
Jaebum shrugs and Youngjae pulls out his phone to text the menu. They might as well get free meals for Jaebum’s lenience.
The way Jackson is quietly contemplating the floor as they descend tells Jaebum that they’re not going to get away with this for long.
The football lazily rolls on the floor. Jackson startles in surprise and drops his slice of bread on the table. Jinyoung notices only when it hits his ankle.
"Wanna play a few rounds, hyung?" Youngjae asks, beaming in excitement at Jinyoung. He looks more confident in a sports jersey than in their idol costumes. It’s slightly alarming.
"You mean you actually use that?" Jackson stares at the football in disbelief. "I thought it was just for decoration or something."
It’s still early enough in the morning to get away with an hour of fun and games. Jaebum approves. There’s time to be driven and there’s time to chill.
Jinyoung blinks thrice, a passable mimicry of trying to wake himself to cover the surprise. "I’d like that," he says with sleepy cheer that cracks at the edges, "but I have to meet a few coordi noonas for some image ideas. We need more colors, you know? We need to balance Jackson’s consistent red and black."
"Red is wild and black is sexy, just like me."
Disappointment doesn’t look good on anyone, but Youngjae’s lack of control over his expressions makes him look even worse. "Oh."
"I’ll come with you, hyung." This comes from a surprising source. Bambam drains his mug of too sweet coffee. "I’ve been wanting a new image for weeks now. And I‘d rather be around when the noonas come up with something so I can say no. Not that they’ll listen to me or anything but it’s nice to pretend."
Jinyoung nods. "Okay. Get dressed, then." Jaebum hears the hesitation in Jinyoung’s voice, but he’s still half asleep and it’s too early to deal with this kind of shit.
Bambam disappears into the bathroom, Jinyoung makes his coffee, and Youngjae sits at the table and rests his chin on his hands.
Jackson crams the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and rubs his hands full of energy. "Come on, I’ll play with you," he mumbles around his breakfast. Youngjae’s quirked eyebrow is perfectly deprecating. "Don’t look at me like that, I’ll kick your ass ten to one and you know it. I bet you can’t even kick a goal past me, brat."
Jaebum is also too sleepy to actually sigh in exasperation. He appreciates Jackson’s emotional sensitivity, he really does, but going overboard really doesn’t do much help in the long run.
Mark wakes up ten minutes after Jackson and Youngjae leave. The first thing Jaebum hears from him is, "Where’s Jinyoung?"
"Youngjae asked him to play football."
It’s there for only less than a second. The apprehension in Mark’s eyes. The worry. But it’s gone in the blink of an eye.
"I thought Jinyoung-hyung went out with Bambam?" Yugyeom mumbles as he pours Mark his coffee.
"Oh yeah," Jaebum says. "My bad."
And again - there for only a moment, visible only to those who know him well - Jaebum catches Mark’s relief.
He knows he’s been relying on Jinyoung enough to also know that Jinyoung is the group’s shadow leader. Mothers tend to be like that.
So it’s no surprise to him that he begins to feel off-balance when Jinyoung starts being around less and less.
Jaebum breathes deeply and collects himself. A leader must learn to stand on his own.
"Well?"
"Well what?" Bambam asks back, perfectly innocent. Pretending like he didn’t try to get Jinyoung to talk about what’s really going on. But Jaebum knows better.
"Well what do you think is happening?" Jaebum elaborates.
They only have a few minutes: Jaebum has voice lessons to go to and Bambam has a variety show to prepare for.
Bambam hums a tune to himself for a few seconds. "I think," he says carefully, "you are going to have a lot on your plate soon, hyung."
Jaebum doesn’t say anything. He already knows.
"Umma is so brave and quiet," Bambam continues quietly. His tone draws Jaebum closer. Bambam is rarely this sincere. "It’s hard to believe that he’s in pain."
Jaebum already knows that, too.
Youngjae breaks the ice by bringing Jinyoung a cup of roasted rice tea. "This is great for relaxation," Youngjae says brightly, "and it’s wonderful for your voice." Jinyoung, surprised, amused, takes the cup and grins.
Jaebum watches them from the corner of the room.
"Rice tea can only do so much." Jinyoung takes a sip and closes his eyes. "Talent can do more."
"So does hard work and practice," Youngjae answers smoothly. "So let’s practice together later? Or we could just hang out. Take care of our voices by getting more brewed tea."
"Maybe we should."
"Hey, why didn’t I get one?" Jackson calls out loudly as he approaches. "I need to relax too, man, and my voice is-"
"Come on, Jackson." Mark drags a protesting Jackson away by the collar of his shirt.
Wisdom has nothing to do with age.
"Yugyeom?"
"Yes, hyung?"
"What would you do when someone you respect so much is hurting quietly? But he doesn’t want anyone to know?"
"That’s a hard question, hyung." Yugyeom bites his lip in thought. "I guess… I’ll just be there for him. And wait until he works through it or asks for my help."
"How have you been?" Jaebum asks while they’re waiting for the debrief to start.
The show just finished recording and the others took the short break as a chance to grab drinks. Bambam suggested beer, Jackson didn’t exactly discourage him, Mark’s face lit up, and Youngjae couldn’t believe his ears. Yugyeom, used to his hyung’s antics, chimed in and everyone rescinded their enthusiasm "because the magnae’s with us," "we shouldn’t be a bad influence on him," "he’s such a burden," so they settled on stalking the soda machine down the hall instead.
"You ask as if I haven’t been around," Jinyoung answers with a bemused smile.
"Maybe we’ve both just been too busy."
The producers arrive and the talk turns to post-production schedules. Jinyoung, ever the hard worker, throws himself enthusiastically into the discussion and Jaebum isn’t even surprised.
"How about here?" Youngjae shows his phone to Jinyoung, points and drags at the screen with his fingers. "The reviews are great and they have yogurt tea, which sounds weird but apparently it’s their best seller."
Yogurt tea sounds healthy, Jaebum thinks, but he foregoes asking them for takeouts for the rest of the group. These two spend so little time together as it is-
"Actually. Maybe not today?" Jinyoung asks, his voice fully apologetic.
"Oh." For someone as expressive as Youngjae, an empty expression is completely alarming. "You’ve got something to do?"
"Yeah." Jinyoung hugs Youngjae briefly from the side. "Umma’s kinda busy."
"Some other time, then?"
"Yeah, of course. There’ll be other times."
For someone as sincere as Jinyoung, a false promise is even worse.
Hyung?
Jaebum blinks at his phone. Youngjae is sitting right behind him in the van. He doesn’t turn around and just quietly taps at the screen. What’s up?
A minute of waiting. Why is Jinyoung-hyung avoiding me?
Jaebum keeps his expression neutral. Is he?
Hyung. It’s so easy to imagine the affront on Youngjae’s face.
They arrive at their next schedule. They hustle to reach the radio booth in time, whereas Jaebum is just glad for the distraction.
"Seriously," Jackson says in his conspiracy voice, "I think the group has a secret couple except that they’re not keeping it so secret anymore." He gestures at Mark and Jinyoung on the other side of the studio quietly sharing a book.
Jaebum sighs deeply. "Laundry duty. Starting this weekend."
"But-"
His arms shake. He lets himself fall to the floor. It’s hard but it doesn’t hurt much, he laid the yoga mats carefully, and he used to do this alone before he started relying on his human cushion.
Where Jaebum has maturity, Yugyeom has kindness.
Jaebum normally prefers actual conversation over text messages but sometimes the options for conversation are limited. Sometimes you reach people by whatever method they keep open.
Jinyoung. As your friend I’m telling you that I’m here for you. But as your leader I’m telling you to get your shit together. You running away isn’t solving anything.
But that’s not all he wants to say. For Jaebum, honesty and integrity are almost the same thing.
I need you too, man. I need my best friend.
But he doesn’t send it. A leader must be able to stand on his own.
Jaebum stares at the ceiling, breathes tiredly, and tries to wipe his mind blank.
They’re just about ready to sleep when the door to their room opens and Jinyoung is outlined by light from the hallway.
"Yeah?" Jaebum asks. It’s not the first time Jinyoung couldn’t sleep for all the voices in his head. "Wait, let me just-"
"Actually, hyung," Jinyoung interrupts, "can I talk to Youngjae?"
There’s silence for a second. "Sure, hyung," Youngjae answers. He’s tired (they’re all tired) but he pushes himself from bed and Jaebum can’t see his expression in the dark.
Youngjae shuffles out and Jinyoung closes the door behind him. Jaebum expects to feel relieved. He wonders why he’s suddenly overwhelmed with apprehension.
His phone is blinking in the dark. There’s a text from Jinyoung.
Message received, leader-sshi.
[next]