alcohaul
why is it that every time somthing serious comes up, he runs to alcohaul. it dosent solve anything and it just makes shit worse...
all it dose is hurt me and he can see that but his love for the stuff ovbously out weighs his so called 'love' for me...
today i asked if he would come see me for a little while because there was somthing i had to talk to him about.. but nooo he cant see me, hes got plans to go drinking and partying with his friends which im not aloud to go to.
He has partys at his house all the time and im not even invited...
he always has excuses wich make me feel bad in the end and whenever i tell him how i feel he says that im putting him through guilt trips...
i just hurt so bad, mentally, physicly, and spiritually, i dont even know what to do with myself.
Im sick of being patient, when will I get my turn? when will it be him who gives into me? when will he be willing to do anything for me and me alone?
Right now hes drinking beer bongs while im sitting here alone upset and he wouldent even come see me, he couldent sacrifice one hour of his life and $2.50 to come see the girl he "loves"
If this is god getting me back for being stupid in the past then this is the worst thing that he could have done... i wish i had some one to talk to but the only person i feel i can be compleatly honest with and talk about this stuff with is the person im forbbin to talk with.
I just want some one to protect me from the world. i want to give up. i want, no. i Need someone who will put there arms around me and tell me that they are going to be there forever, no matter what happends. and ill know that they will protect me from harm, that they will never intetionally hurt me. that i can trust with all my secreats. not nessisarly a boyfriend, but just a friend. someone who wont judge me and wont treat me like im a fall back solution....
Yes i have manny friends... but not any i can talk with, not any i can just spill my heart a soul to. I try that with adam, but he will never do such a thing for me. hes just to busy defending himself to hear how i feel. He dosent care about how i feel really, just as long as i put on the mask and pretend every thing is going to get better..
All this is not worth the effort and sacrifices i have made for him.
nobody else ever did this to me or made me feel as alone as i do now. I cant turn to adam because he wont listen, he never has. Ive been trying my hardest to be patient and remember nobodys perfect. but i cant keep over looking the fact that he is turing out worse then i immagined. i thought things would get better if i waited for him to grow up. Im not sure i can wait any longer.
Where is the strong person i need?
I hate adam when he drinks. i really do. i cant stand it and he knows it so why would he do it and then call me wasted just to make me feel like shit?
My whole week has been shitty, all i want right now is to cuddle with someone that will just hold me and say the things i need to hear.
ive waited soo long... i dont wanna wait anymore. I wish i could just give up but im too stubborn to even leave myself alone..
i just get so...bleh all the time now... nothing makes it better.. before i could just chill with my friends and then every thing would be fine for me, why cant it be like that anymore?
all it dose is hurt me and he can see that but his love for the stuff ovbously out weighs his so called 'love' for me...
today i asked if he would come see me for a little while because there was somthing i had to talk to him about.. but nooo he cant see me, hes got plans to go drinking and partying with his friends which im not aloud to go to.
He has partys at his house all the time and im not even invited...
he always has excuses wich make me feel bad in the end and whenever i tell him how i feel he says that im putting him through guilt trips...
i just hurt so bad, mentally, physicly, and spiritually, i dont even know what to do with myself.
Im sick of being patient, when will I get my turn? when will it be him who gives into me? when will he be willing to do anything for me and me alone?
Right now hes drinking beer bongs while im sitting here alone upset and he wouldent even come see me, he couldent sacrifice one hour of his life and $2.50 to come see the girl he "loves"
If this is god getting me back for being stupid in the past then this is the worst thing that he could have done... i wish i had some one to talk to but the only person i feel i can be compleatly honest with and talk about this stuff with is the person im forbbin to talk with.
I just want some one to protect me from the world. i want to give up. i want, no. i Need someone who will put there arms around me and tell me that they are going to be there forever, no matter what happends. and ill know that they will protect me from harm, that they will never intetionally hurt me. that i can trust with all my secreats. not nessisarly a boyfriend, but just a friend. someone who wont judge me and wont treat me like im a fall back solution....
Yes i have manny friends... but not any i can talk with, not any i can just spill my heart a soul to. I try that with adam, but he will never do such a thing for me. hes just to busy defending himself to hear how i feel. He dosent care about how i feel really, just as long as i put on the mask and pretend every thing is going to get better..
All this is not worth the effort and sacrifices i have made for him.
nobody else ever did this to me or made me feel as alone as i do now. I cant turn to adam because he wont listen, he never has. Ive been trying my hardest to be patient and remember nobodys perfect. but i cant keep over looking the fact that he is turing out worse then i immagined. i thought things would get better if i waited for him to grow up. Im not sure i can wait any longer.
Where is the strong person i need?
I hate adam when he drinks. i really do. i cant stand it and he knows it so why would he do it and then call me wasted just to make me feel like shit?
My whole week has been shitty, all i want right now is to cuddle with someone that will just hold me and say the things i need to hear.
ive waited soo long... i dont wanna wait anymore. I wish i could just give up but im too stubborn to even leave myself alone..
i just get so...bleh all the time now... nothing makes it better.. before i could just chill with my friends and then every thing would be fine for me, why cant it be like that anymore?