Feb 19, 2006 15:59
Winter sometimes seems like such a cold, dark, dreary desolate time of year. Sometimes it feels like everything is stuck, nothing is moving. But so much is going on underneath the fallen leaves and snow. Most of what's going on is unseen but if you look closely you notice slight changes occurring. Buds can be seen on tree branches and the days are getting longer. Winter is the perfect analogy when trying to verbalize what is going on inside of me.
This may sound like someone who is coming out of the closet but I assure you I'm not gay. I'm seeing a therapist for the third time in my life (third time's the charm!) and I'm finally ready to face things that have needed to be addressed for a long time. Although friends and family have noticed changes in me, most don't know the full extent of the changes. These changes are both exciting and frightening and I know that they are very powerful and necessary. This person, the one that I've always been deep in my soul, is breaking out and up and free! When I finally show the world the real me some of my family is going to be utterly shocked, angry and think I've totally lost my mind. Other family members and close friends are going to clap their hands, cheer and say "it's about time Laurie!" Some of the things I have ahead of me are going to be hard, harder then I can even imagine and sometimes I'm terrified that I won't have the courage to see them through. But when I look back over my life I know I have faced difficulty before and it has made me stronger. The only certain thing in life is change and I can no longer hide from it, let others suppress it, drug it or lock it inside of me. I have changed and there's no turning back. Winter is hard but it can't last forever and spring is just around the corner. Wish me luck!