Comments | vermin_disciple: You're On My Mind (Like a Song on the Radio)

vermin_disciple

You're On My Mind (Like a Song on the Radio)

Apr 28, 2010 19:46

Fandom Life on Mars
Characters: Young!Sam, Older!Sam, Annie
Rating: G
Word Count: 2,150
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Written for the Birthday Challenge at 1973flashfic. Title taken from “Song on the Radio” by Al Stewart. Many thanks to rubberbutton for beta-reading.
Summary: In which Sam has an unsettling encounter. (Gen)

( The man chuckled, meeting Sam's eyes for the first time. Sam nearly stepped back in shock as a startling chill ran through him. )

!my fic: life on mars, !my fic

Comments 23

severinne April 29 2010, 03:10:18 UTC

This is easily one of my favourite types of stories for LoM, and this is a really great take on the idea. I love all the details you've built into this, from the physical sickness of the two Sams being too close together to older Sam's envy for his ten-year-old self's shiny new bicycle. And the overall ominous feel of the thing, with the suggestion that Sam feels he's running out of time and the remark about Water under the bridge is just icing on the cake.

Great story, thank you!

vermin_disciple May 15 2010, 07:18:16 UTC

I love writing ominous - I'm not sure what that says about me, hah.

Thank you for your comment! <3

lozenger8 April 29 2010, 08:38:01 UTC

This? Is utterly ace and I adore every little word. I love it. Young Sam's perspective, and other Sam's, well, Samness. That sense of impending doom. The physical reaction. I love Annie. And all the small, perfect details. ♥

vermin_disciple May 15 2010, 07:14:12 UTC

Thank you! <3 I'm glad you enjoyed it!

dorsetgirl April 29 2010, 09:00:23 UTC

This is excellent, and an unusual take on matters. Not many people incorporate that sci-fi thing of two versions of a person not being able to be together, and I like that.

You've built up the mood wonderfully, and older!Sam's sad memories of this time in his childhood are so lightly hinted at, but you can see how badly he wants to help his younger self. And the subtle way you've conveyed that older!Sam knows what is going to happen in 1980 is just awesome.

Lovely story, thank you!

vermin_disciple May 15 2010, 06:24:56 UTC

I have no idea why older!Sam knows what's going to happen, but I always feel like he *ought* to, for some reason.

Thank you very much for your comment! <3

chelseagirl April 29 2010, 09:46:25 UTC

Really interesting take on things. Great job.

vermin_disciple May 13 2010, 00:36:08 UTC

Thanks! <3

chamekke April 29 2010, 14:02:48 UTC

Yay! I adore timey-wimey fics featuring adult and young Sams ... and what a beautifully crafted piece this is.

The portrait of the two Sams, their gut-level revulsion to being physically close, Annie as seen through Sammy's eyes, and the pervasive sense of foreboding is completely convincing and so moving. And the narrative drive was absolutely gripping; I couldn't wait to overhear the conversation of the "strangers" and discover what was in the mystery gift.

And how touching that Sam was determined to share his love of (the now long-dead) Bolan's music with 10-year-old Sammy before he himself was gone for good.

Memmed this one on the spot. Thank you <3

vermin_disciple May 15 2010, 06:22:08 UTC

Thank you for a lovely comment! :)

chamekke May 15 2010, 06:57:44 UTC

You're most welcome!

May I friend you, BTW? No reciprocity required... but I'd really like to make sure I don't miss any of your wonderful fics.

(And if I knew enough Latin, I would totally have beta-ed your zombiefic!)

vermin_disciple May 15 2010, 07:28:28 UTC

Of course you may! And I would be happy to friend you back! :) It's always nice to have more LoM fans on my f-list.