"You can't make others yeild, you can only yeild, yourself.

[verlieren]

That's some of the best advice I'd ever gotten from my mom as an adolescent. I still can't quite put it into action.

Somehow, somewhere, I lost my confidence. I recoil at the sign of a battle between my feelings and someone else. I don't write.

I miss the old apartment: lying across the couch and sick from loneliness with my dog sleeping on my

Comments

[pondhouse]

i tried to word this in an un-blunt way (as appears to be our practice, here on the ole lj) but i couldn't so i just ask: has it ended between you and your boy? i hope the answer is diffinitive and not some maybe (i've been afloat on the sea of maybe and it FUCKING. BLOWS.)

[verlieren]

No, we didn't. This is about the friends that I've had that are girls. They always end up hurting me ten times more than any boyfriend has. Snakes in the grass, man... it's even come to the point where tragic heartbreak songs just remind me of losing friends, not love. For me, that's stunning. I've always been a hopeless romantic.

[pondhouse]

the girls are always the ones to totally lose it(or win it) for me. at least with love there's (sometimes) a level of commitment, or at least intent. with friendship i find that it evolves into a thing, and then you realize that you never set up boundaries or expectations, and then when you try to assert those things it all falls to shit. i dunno if that is speciically what you're talking about but i feel that it might be, and i also feel those things happening so strongly to me right now.
friendships are so good when they are good. but they are volitile and corrosive when they are not so good....
blah

[verlieren]

yes, definitely. i just talked with my best friend about this girl (my best friend moved away, this girl is one of two girls who i moved in with) and i've regained a lot of my confidence... but damn it's fucking hard to even get the motivation to speak to someone who so consistently talks down to you and justifies all their wrong's into right's.... especially after said girl has been so warm and is now so cold. it's frightening, then hurtful, then maddening, then just plain embarrassing. one of those things where, in hindsight, you pretty much could have added up the math long long long ago.