An epic tale of Valentine misfortune
I’m not much of a fan of Valentine’s day. It seems a little artificial to me. And before you can point fingers and say “Well, that’s just because you’re a bitter, single guy!”, let me say that my last girlfriend agreed with me, and the holiday was never celebrated. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have any memorable times associated with it.
For this holiday season, I’m putting on the web a story I originally wrote nearly 7 years ago. It’s a fun story, and sometimes requested, though rarely believed, at various social gatherings. And if you are one of those people who don’t believe this happened, I have a task for you. Somewhere out there, probably somewhere in Texas, is a boat with my fingerprints permanently embedded in the rails of the bow. Find that boat and you can check the prints, then you’ll have proof.
You ever have those days when the world is out to get you? When no matter what obstacles you overcome, another, more elaborate obstacle is waiting for you on the other side? When you have only one, normally simplistic, task that must be accomplished, but by the time you finally get to sleep later, the day turned out to be a misadventure of epic proportions? One of those times when you wish there was a movie camera filming the entire day so you could win a Sundance award for sheer willpower in a human documentary?
I have had a few of those days. I am told by people who know me well that I am a trouble magnet. I often find myself in situations that would usually go smoothly for ordinary mortals, but that for me turn into epic mishaps that are laughed about for years to come. My mother’s wedding was one such misadventure. Well, not so much the wedding itself, the actual ceremony was quite lovely. It was my seemingly mundane task of delivering The Dress to the wedding that proved hazardous.
Read the rest
For this holiday season, I’m putting on the web a story I originally wrote nearly 7 years ago. It’s a fun story, and sometimes requested, though rarely believed, at various social gatherings. And if you are one of those people who don’t believe this happened, I have a task for you. Somewhere out there, probably somewhere in Texas, is a boat with my fingerprints permanently embedded in the rails of the bow. Find that boat and you can check the prints, then you’ll have proof.
You ever have those days when the world is out to get you? When no matter what obstacles you overcome, another, more elaborate obstacle is waiting for you on the other side? When you have only one, normally simplistic, task that must be accomplished, but by the time you finally get to sleep later, the day turned out to be a misadventure of epic proportions? One of those times when you wish there was a movie camera filming the entire day so you could win a Sundance award for sheer willpower in a human documentary?
I have had a few of those days. I am told by people who know me well that I am a trouble magnet. I often find myself in situations that would usually go smoothly for ordinary mortals, but that for me turn into epic mishaps that are laughed about for years to come. My mother’s wedding was one such misadventure. Well, not so much the wedding itself, the actual ceremony was quite lovely. It was my seemingly mundane task of delivering The Dress to the wedding that proved hazardous.
Read the rest