Dispatch from the desert #5
Begin transmission:
17Sep04-Friday-1448
On Human Bondage
Psychologists tell us humans are a social animal. Even Aristotle said the human soul was a social soul (actually, he said a political soul, but that has such connotations now that weren't meant then. The equivalent today is that we have a social soul).
We never talk about friendship anymore. In fact, I wonder if we ever really did. Every once and a while you read some article about how friendships and strong community help us live longer and happier lives, but we never talk about them in themselves. Why is that? I could go into various philosophers and how they thought friendship is just a mutual way of getting what you want, or friends are just people it's easier to use than others, or "love conquers all", but where does that get us?
Friends are very important to me. Not having a girlfriend or spouse, I have no real strong connection to anyone outside of my friends. So I like to make friends and I try to be a good one. I have no one else to support me when I fall on my ass.
Modern friendships seem to be changing. Computers may isolate us from each other at times, but look at me now, the only connection I have to my friends outside this compound is the internet. The internet is a powerful way of making new communities. Friendster, chat rooms, blogs, threads, dating services, online games. A friend of mine lived a year and a half of his life on an online computer game. The only thing he seems to have really gotten out of it, or seems to regret about quitting was the friends he made. They became brothers, yet never met face to face.
How do you make friends? Damn, I wish I knew. If I knew the answer to that question, I'd undoubtedly get rich off the lonely. But somehow I've managed to make a good number of friends. For the kid who was always unpopular and picked on through school, I seem to have done all right for myself when it comes to having a large group of people I can trust and hang out with. But I don't know how you do it. Sometimes, you just hit it off with people.
Camaraderie can't be forced. But extreme situations are a nutrient soil for extreme friendships. And being in the middle of the desert, "at war" is nothing if not extreme. I'm not claiming that we have it hard here. "War" has quickly become the sarcastic joke around here, as none of us feel we are in one. We just sit around wondering why we're here. We are told stories, many have even been in them, of being shelled daily and seeing hundreds of combat casualties. I'm still convinced I'm on a compound in Arizona.
One of the largest complaints I have about the military is the hierarchy. But it's only a problem back home. Despite education, competency, experience or intelligence levels, the highest ranking is always in charge. Even if he's 21 years old, fresh out of college and never seen a real problem in his life, he's a Lieutenant, and therefore in charge of the Chief who's been doing his job and leading men into battle for 30 years. If that Lieutenant is smart, he'll learn something from the Chief. Nothing leads to more trouble than the new guy with some rank being in charge when he's clueless.
But out here it makes sense. You see the military hierarchy wasn't designed to sit around at home and go to meetings and run useless programs and have clueless boards. The hierarchy was designed so that you could have a large group of people go all over the world and do some rather strange stuff like take over countries or get shot at and still manage to live with each other. The hierarchy has rules for a reason. Officers aren't allowed to fraternize with enlisted, friendships are monitored and regulated. But friendship isn't forged through hierarchy, it's forged through experience.
And there is nothing in the world more bond forming than being forced to live together for months at a time with nothing to do. The military tries to entertain you, which you grasp onto with the aching desperation of the truly bored. For Fuck's sake, we play BINGO here together because it's the funnest thing to do. I won a printer for a digital camera last week. I'm holding out to win a digital camera to go with it. There are movies in the theater, used paperback books free for the taking, a pool, a gym. The Med group has formed a dodgeball team, and tonight we beat the Aussies. We work together and we play together, because we are all in this together.
Bonds are forming. A community is being built. The hardest part about going on deployments isn't the environment, the job, the extreme events, it's leaving your friends in the end. The bonds built in the military are bonds of a strong community. It's not always a fun community, and many people really hate it. But whether they love it, hate it, accept it, or (as I did for many years) deny it, there is a place for everyone, and everyone knows their place.
6,000 people trapped on a compound no larger than 8 square blocks, with very little to do, you start to get to know each other. Within weeks you find yourself laying on the floor, sprawled out in front of a group of friends saying things that start out with: "And then...when I was four..."
But there's a dark side to this. Get a group of men and women together with nothing to do for months, and soon you start seeing a lot of STDs and pregnant women. I'm impressed, though not surprised, by how many people come in to the clinic needing an STD check. Married or not, everybody around is constantly jockeying for position and trying to get laid. There comes a point when groups have devolved back into a high school mentality: "Don't sit next to her at breakfast, I'm dating her", "What were you doing with that girl? You're MY boyfriend."
Woody, a SSgt under me, is one of the biggest flirts I've seen. He's young, in shape, good looking and outgoing. He's constantly talking to the cutest girl around. He also has a wife and two kids at home. Every time I see him talking to a woman, I ask him how his kids are doing, just to piss him off. In his defense, I don't know that he does anything other than flirt, but I doubt that'll last long.
In the other corner, you have some really good people here. Last night after BINGO, we were all sitting around bullshitting and a good looking girl bought Dr. Maldonado a beer out of nowhere. We told him to ditch us and go hang with her, but he didn't leave our group, nor did he ask her to join us. He just thanked her politely for the beer and kept bullshitting with us. When we asked him what was up with that, he just raised his hand and showed us his wedding ring. Completely unashamed. I respected him as a good doctor before, now I really respect him as a person.
The ironic case is my own. I'm one of the very few guys here with no wife, no kids, no girlfriend, and I'm also the one here who's least likely to play those games while I'm here. Casual sex can be fun, but in the end it's meaningless and leaves me unsatisfied.
I would love to fall in love with a beautiful woman out here. But the same can be said of me back home, and the competition here is much stiffer. Everyone talks about their husband, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, sons, daughters and loved ones. I start to feel left out because I have no one to go back to. And with that, I start to thrive on the friendships I've formed over the years. I read email from friends at home and spend evenings at the plaza with friends here, and I use the sense of community to carry along. After a 12 hour shift seeing a constant stream of injuries and illnesses, I'm dead on my feet and there's nothing better than hanging out in the evening and having a drink with my friends (Coke for me, please).
There are no hospice wards here, but working in medicine, you have to spend some of your time working with the dying. The old and experienced, their bodies betraying them in their final days. And they want to talk. Telling you their stories may not save them, but it makes them more comfortable as they die. The bond of stories is subtle but strong (I never met George Seldes, but I know his story, and I feel close to him in my own way). And if you listen to their stories, you'll learn that the most important thing in life was never the money or the power, but the people in our lives that made it worth living.
The bonds.
So what brings all this on? I guess I'm just in a good mood because I'm making some friends. After two weeks of living in the deserts of the middle east (unless it's Arizona), I'm starting to make some pretty good bonds. Harding the lab tech. with the jovial smile and wicked dodgeball arm, Donaghy the "Young Buck" with his New Bedford accent and wisecracks, Harder the parole officer who misses his kids fiercely, Jackson the systems guy who's never around when the computer is broken, Campos the Transport Bitch who you never see in uniform.
I'm working with some good guys out here, and I feel lucky to be a part of such a good crew. We work together, play together, live together and even save the occasional life together. Nothing else like it in the world.
End Transmission
17Sep04-Friday-1448
On Human Bondage
Psychologists tell us humans are a social animal. Even Aristotle said the human soul was a social soul (actually, he said a political soul, but that has such connotations now that weren't meant then. The equivalent today is that we have a social soul).
We never talk about friendship anymore. In fact, I wonder if we ever really did. Every once and a while you read some article about how friendships and strong community help us live longer and happier lives, but we never talk about them in themselves. Why is that? I could go into various philosophers and how they thought friendship is just a mutual way of getting what you want, or friends are just people it's easier to use than others, or "love conquers all", but where does that get us?
Friends are very important to me. Not having a girlfriend or spouse, I have no real strong connection to anyone outside of my friends. So I like to make friends and I try to be a good one. I have no one else to support me when I fall on my ass.
Modern friendships seem to be changing. Computers may isolate us from each other at times, but look at me now, the only connection I have to my friends outside this compound is the internet. The internet is a powerful way of making new communities. Friendster, chat rooms, blogs, threads, dating services, online games. A friend of mine lived a year and a half of his life on an online computer game. The only thing he seems to have really gotten out of it, or seems to regret about quitting was the friends he made. They became brothers, yet never met face to face.
How do you make friends? Damn, I wish I knew. If I knew the answer to that question, I'd undoubtedly get rich off the lonely. But somehow I've managed to make a good number of friends. For the kid who was always unpopular and picked on through school, I seem to have done all right for myself when it comes to having a large group of people I can trust and hang out with. But I don't know how you do it. Sometimes, you just hit it off with people.
Camaraderie can't be forced. But extreme situations are a nutrient soil for extreme friendships. And being in the middle of the desert, "at war" is nothing if not extreme. I'm not claiming that we have it hard here. "War" has quickly become the sarcastic joke around here, as none of us feel we are in one. We just sit around wondering why we're here. We are told stories, many have even been in them, of being shelled daily and seeing hundreds of combat casualties. I'm still convinced I'm on a compound in Arizona.
One of the largest complaints I have about the military is the hierarchy. But it's only a problem back home. Despite education, competency, experience or intelligence levels, the highest ranking is always in charge. Even if he's 21 years old, fresh out of college and never seen a real problem in his life, he's a Lieutenant, and therefore in charge of the Chief who's been doing his job and leading men into battle for 30 years. If that Lieutenant is smart, he'll learn something from the Chief. Nothing leads to more trouble than the new guy with some rank being in charge when he's clueless.
But out here it makes sense. You see the military hierarchy wasn't designed to sit around at home and go to meetings and run useless programs and have clueless boards. The hierarchy was designed so that you could have a large group of people go all over the world and do some rather strange stuff like take over countries or get shot at and still manage to live with each other. The hierarchy has rules for a reason. Officers aren't allowed to fraternize with enlisted, friendships are monitored and regulated. But friendship isn't forged through hierarchy, it's forged through experience.
And there is nothing in the world more bond forming than being forced to live together for months at a time with nothing to do. The military tries to entertain you, which you grasp onto with the aching desperation of the truly bored. For Fuck's sake, we play BINGO here together because it's the funnest thing to do. I won a printer for a digital camera last week. I'm holding out to win a digital camera to go with it. There are movies in the theater, used paperback books free for the taking, a pool, a gym. The Med group has formed a dodgeball team, and tonight we beat the Aussies. We work together and we play together, because we are all in this together.
Bonds are forming. A community is being built. The hardest part about going on deployments isn't the environment, the job, the extreme events, it's leaving your friends in the end. The bonds built in the military are bonds of a strong community. It's not always a fun community, and many people really hate it. But whether they love it, hate it, accept it, or (as I did for many years) deny it, there is a place for everyone, and everyone knows their place.
6,000 people trapped on a compound no larger than 8 square blocks, with very little to do, you start to get to know each other. Within weeks you find yourself laying on the floor, sprawled out in front of a group of friends saying things that start out with: "And then...when I was four..."
But there's a dark side to this. Get a group of men and women together with nothing to do for months, and soon you start seeing a lot of STDs and pregnant women. I'm impressed, though not surprised, by how many people come in to the clinic needing an STD check. Married or not, everybody around is constantly jockeying for position and trying to get laid. There comes a point when groups have devolved back into a high school mentality: "Don't sit next to her at breakfast, I'm dating her", "What were you doing with that girl? You're MY boyfriend."
Woody, a SSgt under me, is one of the biggest flirts I've seen. He's young, in shape, good looking and outgoing. He's constantly talking to the cutest girl around. He also has a wife and two kids at home. Every time I see him talking to a woman, I ask him how his kids are doing, just to piss him off. In his defense, I don't know that he does anything other than flirt, but I doubt that'll last long.
In the other corner, you have some really good people here. Last night after BINGO, we were all sitting around bullshitting and a good looking girl bought Dr. Maldonado a beer out of nowhere. We told him to ditch us and go hang with her, but he didn't leave our group, nor did he ask her to join us. He just thanked her politely for the beer and kept bullshitting with us. When we asked him what was up with that, he just raised his hand and showed us his wedding ring. Completely unashamed. I respected him as a good doctor before, now I really respect him as a person.
The ironic case is my own. I'm one of the very few guys here with no wife, no kids, no girlfriend, and I'm also the one here who's least likely to play those games while I'm here. Casual sex can be fun, but in the end it's meaningless and leaves me unsatisfied.
I would love to fall in love with a beautiful woman out here. But the same can be said of me back home, and the competition here is much stiffer. Everyone talks about their husband, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, sons, daughters and loved ones. I start to feel left out because I have no one to go back to. And with that, I start to thrive on the friendships I've formed over the years. I read email from friends at home and spend evenings at the plaza with friends here, and I use the sense of community to carry along. After a 12 hour shift seeing a constant stream of injuries and illnesses, I'm dead on my feet and there's nothing better than hanging out in the evening and having a drink with my friends (Coke for me, please).
There are no hospice wards here, but working in medicine, you have to spend some of your time working with the dying. The old and experienced, their bodies betraying them in their final days. And they want to talk. Telling you their stories may not save them, but it makes them more comfortable as they die. The bond of stories is subtle but strong (I never met George Seldes, but I know his story, and I feel close to him in my own way). And if you listen to their stories, you'll learn that the most important thing in life was never the money or the power, but the people in our lives that made it worth living.
The bonds.
So what brings all this on? I guess I'm just in a good mood because I'm making some friends. After two weeks of living in the deserts of the middle east (unless it's Arizona), I'm starting to make some pretty good bonds. Harding the lab tech. with the jovial smile and wicked dodgeball arm, Donaghy the "Young Buck" with his New Bedford accent and wisecracks, Harder the parole officer who misses his kids fiercely, Jackson the systems guy who's never around when the computer is broken, Campos the Transport Bitch who you never see in uniform.
I'm working with some good guys out here, and I feel lucky to be a part of such a good crew. We work together, play together, live together and even save the occasional life together. Nothing else like it in the world.
End Transmission