The Secrets of the Dizzy Damsel
I'm so dizzy right now. . .I have no idea why, but this feeling has lingered all day. It's terrible. I don't know what's wrong with me. I felt ill at work, too. I hope I'm not coming down with some weird virus because I could really do without that and I don't want to sleep because I slept after my 9 hr shift at work. I just want to feel better without having to take anything for it. Because I don't want to rely on pills all the time. . .
Anyway, Russell and I got into another fight last night. He drove me to tears. I have news for him. Just because I don't feel like doing something with his father does not make me lazy. It means that I don't want to do something with HIS father because he is my mere stepfather. Most people would say I should be grateful to the person who raised me when my mother was gone. But you have no idea. My stepfather has and always will be a heartless, emotionless monster who is emotionally abusive and doesn't give a damn about how I feel about anything. Which is good, I suppose, because I don't care how he feels, either. If only he could keep his stupid mouth shut -- but no, he has to keep on going on and on and being a jerk about everything. He never has a positive word about me. No, it's merely complaints, telling me to do some chore, or asking what I want because I simply walked into a room. It's like he blames me for even being born. Well, buddy it's not my fault that I'm not your daughter and I'm glad that I'm not. Otherwise I'd have to shoot myself. Seriously. Mum said I was 'hurtful' yesterday b/c I said that I called Chelsie my half-sister because that was what she was. I usually say sister, but if God wants us to be honest, then she's my half-sister. Sorry the bloody truth hurts mum, but what the hell? Do you want me to lie? I guess so, you've lied to Chelsie all these years. Why would you expect me to be any different than you? I'm sorry, I'm no liar. I do not feel right living a lie, maybe you don't care if you do, but I am not you. I am Linda and I don't want to be anything like you because your flaws are far more worse than your great points. Yes, I love you, yes, I will respect you, but don't expect me to want to be anything like you. Because I don't. You support me yet you tear me apart. You married Russell and whilst you were neglecting me for work and exercise programs he was emotionally abusing me. You say that he loves me and agree with him when he thoughtlessly says it. But I know the truth. I know better. Stop lying to yourself, Margaret. He hates me. If you truly loved someone you would not say 'damn her' when in earshot of them, you would not emotionally abuse them, you would not try to replace the father that they had never met you would admit that you were merely the substitute, you would not cry over your wife not letting you punish your step-daughter, and you would not be an over all bastard the way he is.
I can't wait until I get my license and finally move out of this place. Because when I do I'll never come back to visit him, and that's a fact. I don't want him to be a part of my life and I doubt he wants to be a part of mine, which is fine with me because I never really wanted him to be a part of my life in the first place.
Anyway, Russell and I got into another fight last night. He drove me to tears. I have news for him. Just because I don't feel like doing something with his father does not make me lazy. It means that I don't want to do something with HIS father because he is my mere stepfather. Most people would say I should be grateful to the person who raised me when my mother was gone. But you have no idea. My stepfather has and always will be a heartless, emotionless monster who is emotionally abusive and doesn't give a damn about how I feel about anything. Which is good, I suppose, because I don't care how he feels, either. If only he could keep his stupid mouth shut -- but no, he has to keep on going on and on and being a jerk about everything. He never has a positive word about me. No, it's merely complaints, telling me to do some chore, or asking what I want because I simply walked into a room. It's like he blames me for even being born. Well, buddy it's not my fault that I'm not your daughter and I'm glad that I'm not. Otherwise I'd have to shoot myself. Seriously. Mum said I was 'hurtful' yesterday b/c I said that I called Chelsie my half-sister because that was what she was. I usually say sister, but if God wants us to be honest, then she's my half-sister. Sorry the bloody truth hurts mum, but what the hell? Do you want me to lie? I guess so, you've lied to Chelsie all these years. Why would you expect me to be any different than you? I'm sorry, I'm no liar. I do not feel right living a lie, maybe you don't care if you do, but I am not you. I am Linda and I don't want to be anything like you because your flaws are far more worse than your great points. Yes, I love you, yes, I will respect you, but don't expect me to want to be anything like you. Because I don't. You support me yet you tear me apart. You married Russell and whilst you were neglecting me for work and exercise programs he was emotionally abusing me. You say that he loves me and agree with him when he thoughtlessly says it. But I know the truth. I know better. Stop lying to yourself, Margaret. He hates me. If you truly loved someone you would not say 'damn her' when in earshot of them, you would not emotionally abuse them, you would not try to replace the father that they had never met you would admit that you were merely the substitute, you would not cry over your wife not letting you punish your step-daughter, and you would not be an over all bastard the way he is.
I can't wait until I get my license and finally move out of this place. Because when I do I'll never come back to visit him, and that's a fact. I don't want him to be a part of my life and I doubt he wants to be a part of mine, which is fine with me because I never really wanted him to be a part of my life in the first place.