Scars Of All I've Ever Known
Thank you mrstotten again! You really are the Brian to my Justin, no wait...I want to be Brian, so you really are the Justin to my Brian!
Just realised I obviously have a thing for Gale pressing Randy up against a wall...Lets face it though, who wouldn’t!
Also, timing is all wrong (with the interviews and the end of filming and the end of Simon and Randy) on this but just go with it...its porn!
Title from The Carey Brothers beautiful song, Ride.
Randy had to admit if he was going to be totally honestly with himself he had kind of expected this. Expected it the moment he said the words out loud, sounding strange, tasting like the lie that it was.
He hadn’t seen Gale for months before he turned up on Randy's doorstep, massively drunk, if the smell of whiskey on his breath was anything to go by, and started ranting, waving his hands in the air until Randy had managed to get his front door open and hauled him inside, away from the prying eyes of neighbours.
“Do you want to calm down and tell me what the hell is going on?” He asked. Even though in the back of his mind he was sure it was about what he said. He’d almost wanted it to be about that, wanted the argument and the release of emotions. Gale narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath, swaying slightly on his feet.
“You...you...big fat liar.” Gale used one finger to poke him in the chest and Randy raised an eyebrow at the child like gesture and insult but didn’t say anything, just watched as Gale seemed to go to touch him again but stopped himself and ran his hand through his hair instead. “’I never kissed Gale in real life.’” He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers and Randy couldn’t help but smile. “It’s not funny Rand....is this payback?”
“Payback for what?” Randy asked. Honestly confused as Gale slumped against the wall in the hallway, he swayed again slightly as he toed off his shoes and Randy rolled his eyes, obviously Gale was settling in for the long haul.
“For when I said I was straight.” That surprised Randy. They had never mentioned it after the argument they had. An argument that had left Randy hurting and Gale angry. Randy had left for the post season break, desperate to get away from Gale, from the one person he thought he would never want to leave. And over the break he met Simon.
“Gale...”
“No. Listen to me. Are you listening?” Gale had his hands on his hips, his bare feet set apart. He looked pissed and something dark and instinctive coiled in Randy’s belly. At the same time as irritation boiled in his blood.
“Don’t use Brian’s words on me, Gale. I’m not Justin.” Randy walked into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge. Gale followed, looking angrier by the second.
“So, you’re just going to deny everything? Everything we shared? Everything we meant to each other all because you're scared your ‘boyfriend’ would find out you were fucking your co-star?” Gale was nearly shouting and Randy slammed the bottle on the counter, something inside him snapping at the angry and hurt look on Gale’s face. It wasn’t his right to look hurt, he wasn’t the one who had his heart ripped clean from his chest.
“Don’t you fucking dare turn this on me, Gale. Everything we meant to each other? You’re the one that wasn’t ready to admit that. You were the one that said you were straight. I was keeping your secret, you asshole. What did you want me to do? Out you to the world?” Randy was glad that Simon was out of town for the weekend. Seeing Gale like this, it was making Randy itchy for a fight, years of suppressed anger bubbling just below the surface, and the mood Gale was in would have probably made him punch Simon. Gale rounded the counter and wound his fingers around Randy’s arms, pulling him close.
“Oh and we’re back to this again. If you would just let me explain, let me apologise...” He said, still furious. Like Randy was the one that had denied them first, like Randy was the one who had thrown them away. The anger was there, as raw as if the argument they had was yesterday. So many things left unsaid between them, so many things buried and thought gone.
Randy wrenched himself free, pushing Gale back, ignoring the way his body called to help Gale as he stumbled.
“I never wanted your fucking apology.” He said as Gale caught his balance and took a step towards him. Randy took a step backwards, his back hitting the fridge, his breath catching in his throat as Gale’s eyes darkened.
“Then what the hell did you want?” Gale demanded, coming closer.
“I think you should go Gale.” Randy pressed his fingers to his forehead. He couldn’t do this again, couldn’t fall into the same trap of wanting Gale and not being able to have him.
“I don’t think so. What did you want Randy?” Gale’s hands pressed into the fridge by Randy’s head, trapping him against it, caging him in. His face came closer, the whiskey on his breath as intoxicating as if Randy had drunk it himself. Or maybe that was just Gale being this close after so long.
“Gale...” He tried, his voice coming out quiet and broken and Gale pressed his entire body in. Randy couldn’t hide the shiver than ran up his body. Gale noticed, a smirk played at the corner of his mouth but his voice lowered.
“What did you want Randy?” Randy closed his eyes, took a deep breath. He was so sick of this. So sick of feeling the need to run straight to Gale whenever he snapped his fingers, of being unable to control the want he felt whenever he saw him.
“Goddamit I wanted you. Not the secrets and the running around pretending to be just friends, pretending we were just “running lines”. You, Gale... I wanted you.” He tried to push Gale again but this time Gale stood his ground, locking his arms and pressing in closer.
“Wanted? As in, in the past. What about now Randy? What do you want now?” Gale said, rolling his hips slightly. Randy closed his eyes against the rush of lust that skittered up his spine and pushed at Gale again, this time Gale went and Randy ignored the cold feeling that ran over him at the loss of contact.
“Stop it. God. I spent ages trying to get over you, pretending that I was doing fine, that I was happy. And you know what? I was starting to be.”
“Happy? With Simon?” Gale sounded incredulous, like how could Randy have been happy with anyone that wasn’t Gale? It was tough but he’d managed it.
“Yes, with Simon. And then you come along, and you spin me around...again. And I fucking hate you for it.” He spat.
The kiss took his breath away.
He didn’t even see Gale move but he was there, mouth over Randy’s, hands around his arms, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. Randy felt the groan from Gale vibrate through his body as he kissed back, instincts kicking in, body taking over when his mind should have been in control.
“I hate you.” He groaned, fingers tangled in Gale’s hair, when Gale pulled away and bit down Randy’s jawline, his tongue darting out to sooth the skin almost immediately.
“No you don’t.” Gale murmured against the skin of Randy’s neck. “What do you want Randy?”
Randy pulled on Gale’s hair, pulled their faces level and looked him dead in the eyes, trying to make Gale understand that this couldn’t be a one time thing. That he needed all of Gale, not half of him like before. “For you to leave me alone and stop messing with my head.” Gale moved his thigh, pressing it between Randy’s and pushed up. Randy’s breath caught in his throat and Gale pressed his lips to Randy’s hammering pulse point. “For you to fuck off.” Randy managed to say as Gale’s fingers unwound from his arms and slid downwards, fingers tracing over his forearms. Randy shivered.
“Randy...what do you want?”
“Fuck...Kiss me.” But he didn’t give Gale enough time to comply. Winding his fingers into Gale’s shirt and pulling him to him. Their mouths collided, teeth clacking together and Randy could have sworn he tasted blood. But then Gale was backing them up, up against the nearest hard surface. Randy’s back hit it with a dull thud, and Gale followed, almost crushing him with the need to get closer. Randy lifted his leg, wrapped it around Gale and pulled, their hips coming together almost painfully hard. They both groaned and Gale’s hands wormed under Randy’s shirt, pressing against skin, fingers dipping below his waistband. Randy’s hands found Gale’s shirt and tugged, pulling it upwards as they broke the kiss long enough to get the shirt off. Gale fumbled at Randy’s buttons until Randy slapped his hands away, tugging the shirt over his head. And then there was skin against skin, heat from Gale’s body radiating into Randy’s and Gale pressed him into the wall, sliding his hands down Randy’s arms again, linking their fingers together. Gale lifted both their hands, pressing them into the wall above Randy’s head, long fingers wrapping round Randy’s wrist, keeping them there as Randy bucked up against Gale.
Gale’s free hand popped Randy’s button, shoving the material aside enough to work its way into his boxers. Randy groaned into Gale’s mouth when Gale wrapped his fingers around his already hard cock. His hips moved on their own accord, Gale’s mouth against his, his heart pounding in his chest.
“What do you want?” Gale asked again, his hand twisting around Randy’s cock. Randy sucked in a breath, his wrists straining against Gale’s strong hold.
“God...would you just shut up and fuck me.” He blurted out, words coming out by instinct. Gale froze, his eyes searching Randy’s. Randy tugged against Gale’s hold again but his fingers just tightened. “Don’t do this me Gale, don’t you dare back out now.”
Gale kissed him again then, slow this time. Slow and gentle and full of promise as his tongue licked into Randy’s mouth. His hand left Randy’s pants, played along his jaw. His thumb pressed into the soft skin under his chin, forcing Randy to look up into his eyes.
“I was a fucking idiot.” He said. Randy tried to look away, feeling stripped bare and vulnerable, his jeans open, his hands trapped by Gale’s strong hold, his cock hard and aching. He swallowed and Gale followed the movement with his thumb.
“Yeah you were.”
“But so were you.” Gale replied. Randy frowned. “You should’ve...” Gale faltered, words stopping, and Randy tugged on his hands. Gale's grasp on his wrists just got tighter, edging towards painful and Randy winced slightly.
“Should’ve what Gale? Forced you to admit it? Fought harder? What?” He practically shouted, straining upwards to meet Gale's body. Trying to get free, trying to get closer, get Gale's hands off him. Get them back on him, back touching. His mind and body arguing over what he needed, what he wanted.
“I love you.” That stopped him short. Gale's words quite in the kitchen. But they were loud and clear to Randy, his whole body freezing, his heart stopping. The only noise to be heard in the almost screaming silence was the hum of the fridge.
“What?” It had taken Randy only a few months of secret meetings with Gale to realise those were the words he had wanted t hear. It had taken him months to try to forget ever wanting Gale to say them to him.
“Fuck...” Gale ran his free hand through his hair. His face was set when his eyes came back to Randy, an almost challenging glint shining in them. “I love you Randy.” It wasn't sweet and romantic like Randy had always dreamt about. It wasn’t Gale on one knee, it wasn't a picnic in a secluded field followed by slow love making, whispered declarations of love and forever. It was honest and open, almost brutal, and so much better than Randy could have ever thought. But a slow chill of worry ran down his back. Gale moved a tiny bit closer.
Randy struggled again. He needed space. He needed time to process the declaration. He needed to get away from Gale because he couldn't think straight around him, he had never been able to. Gale turned him inside out and upside down.
“Don’t play with me. Christ, Gale would you let me go?” Gale narrowed his eyes and his hold tightened even more. Randy knew there was no way he would be able to explain the bruises to Simon but part of him was glad he would have a reminded of this. A reminder of Gale saying that he loved him, even if it was all down to alcohol. Randy knew he would press his fingers to those marks in the new few days, push until it hurt, remember the feel of Gale’s hands on him.
“I’m not playing with you,” Gale said, the thumb of his free hand pressing under his chin again, “and it’s taken me too long to figure it out and I am not about to let you go without me saying it. So stop struggling and listen to me.”
“I am listening.”
“Are you?” Gale leaned closer, his mouth millimetres from Randy's, “Are you hearing me? I’m telling you that I love you.” Randy opened his mouth to speak, even though he had no idea what to say. The phone ringing made them both jump apart, Randy’s heart rate sped up at the same time as the tingling on his skin from where Gale’s hands had been, worsened with guilt and panic.
He couldn’t look at Gale, just continued to stare at the phone as if Simon was about to come through the receiver and find them, both shirtless, Randy’s jeans undone and falling down his hips, lips kissed and cheeks flush from the proximity of Gale and the argument. Randy made to answer the phone, lifting his hand towards it. Gale’s fingers around his wrist hurt in the same way that pressing at a new bruise hurts, but he stopped, his eyes finding Gale’s then.
“Answer that phone and I am out of the door.” Gale said, his voice low and dangerous.
“I have to...it’s Simon.”
“Don’t you fucking answer that phone, Randy. It's always Simon. Simon this, Simon that. He's not the one that makes you feel like this though...” Gale kissed him again, soft and gentle but Randy could feel the tremble in Gale’s body, as if he was holding himself back. Gale’s hands framed Randy’s face, fingers curling into the hair at the back of his neck. Randy shivered, pressing himself forward, pressing into it. There was a shine of satisfaction on Gale’s face when he pulled away. “...is he?”
Randy knew he probably looked wrecked, eyes half closed, lips kiss swollen. He closed his eyes against the look on Gale’s face.
The phone stopped ringing.
“Gale, Simon’s....” Randy began.
“Hey babe, it’s me. Just ringing to see how you were and to tell you I miss you. So...I miss you.” Simon chuckled into the phone and Randy pulled against Gale, wanting to lift the receiver and tell Simon that he was sorry, wanting to stop the answer phone, erase Simon’s voice from his head. “I guess you’re not in so I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Love you.” Gale’s fingers tightened around his arms.
“You know, I am so sick of hearing his name, of seeing pictures of you and him laughing and smiling and being all ‘coupley.’” Randy would have laughed if the situation hadn’t been so un-amusing. Would have smiled at the jealousy in Gale, would have chuckled at the way Gale made quotation marks with his fingers again. “It should be me Randy.” Gale sounded hurt and small, yet the anger still rolled off him in waves.
The whole situation was spinning out of control and it wasn’t fair that Gale had put this all on him, wasn’t fair that the blame seemed to be lying with Randy.
Randy snapped.
“You don’t think I fucking know that?” He shouted, spinning out of Gale’s grasp. “But it isn’t you, Gale. It’s him. He’s the one that gets to touch me.” Randy knew he had pushed too far when Gale’s eyes narrowed and something primal and dark swam in them. Randy took a step back when Gale got closer. His whole body was screaming to be close to Gale, but his mind, the answer machine message still ringing in it, was telling him to step back, be the adult he was and stop this before it went too far.
“I get to touch you Randy and this time I'm gonna make sure that if you ever let him tough you again all you'll feel is me. ” Gale threatened, promised, right before he grabbed Randy and pulled him close, chest to chest with Gale. Randy’s hands came up automatically, wrapped around Gale’s arms, skin smooth under his hands and he’d missed it. Missed the feel of Gale next to him, the feel of Gale’s heartbeat through his chest, Gale’s hard muscle under his skin.
“Gale...” Randy didn’t know if he was begging Gale to stop, or begging him to continue but there was a plea in his voice and Gale heard it, moved his face closer, mouth over Randy’s again. Not quite touching, ghosting kisses along Randy’s jaw.
“Go on Randy, tell me to stop.” Gale pulled back. Looked at Randy in the eyes, the darkness still there, his body still humming with barely controlled anger and lust. Randy’s eyes landed on the answer machine, the little red light flashing at him, taunting him.
“Look at me...” Randy’s eyes snapped back to Gale. “Time’s up.” Gale announced. Before Randy knew it, he was on his back on the floor, Gale’s familiar weight covering him, Gale’s mouth over his. Randy felt his head spin when Gale got is hand back in his pants, wrapping long, deft fingers around his cock. Randy was almost instantly hard and he closed his eyes, letting his head hit the kitchen floor with a thud that reverberated around his brain. Gale’s breath was hot against his neck, ragged and harsh and his hand was burning around his cock.
“I want you to know it’s me doing this to you. I want you to know you’re mine.” Gale said, branding the words onto Randy’s neck with his lips, tongue, his hands on him. Randy kept his eyes closed, didn’t want to see, seeing would make it real and if he opened his eyes, the red light on the answer machine would be there. He could feel Gale’s cock against his thigh, feel as Gale rutted against him, his fingers twisting around Randy’s cock, sending sparks up Randy’s spine, making him arch upwards.
Gale stopped, pulled away and Randy couldn’t help the whimper that escaped his throat. Gale pressed the heal of his hand into Randy’s crotch, Randy bit down on his lip. If he heard Gale fumbling around, one handed, looking for his pants, Randy didn’t notice, didn’t open his eyes, just continued to feel the way Gale’s fingers whispered over Randy’s skin. Randy didn’t fail to notice the unmistakable sound of a condom being rolled down a cock, and kept his eyes squeezed shut as Gale’s body heat surrounded him again. Gale’s hand ran down his legs, tugging the jeans down, the boxer shorts with them. Gale lifted Randy’s leg, pressed a finger to his hole. Randy’s whole body tensed, arched upwards and Gale pressed another one in.
“Look at me Randy.” The tone of Gale’s voice was dark and there was no way Randy could, would argue with it. He opened his eyes, stared straight into Gale’s as Gale pulled his fingers out, lined himself up and pressed in.
It hurt. There wasn’t enough prep, not even remotely enough lube, but God it felt good. Gale so deep inside, so full, and Gale groaned, the groan that sounded like he was dying, snapping his hips forward. His eyes burned with passion and straight into Randy’s, but Randy couldn’t look away, stared straight back, wincing with each thrust, ignoring the tears that escaped his eyes and slid down his face.
He wasn’t crying, not really, but Gale was there, and so deep inside him, and the answer machine was still flashing and there were so many emotions running through his head. He clutched at Gale’s shoulders, felt the muscles under his skin ripple with every thrust of his hips, felt it when Gale it that spot right inside him that made him see stars, arch his back and wrap his legs tight around Gale’s waist. He urged him on with his eyes, not daring to break the spell of intensity that Gale had seemed to cast around them, begging for more, more harder, God for anything other than the hard burn that had settled in his belly.
“Come for me Randy...just me.” Gale said, his fingers moving over Randy’s cock. And Randy did, hard, his whole body seizing as he continued to stare at Gale, their eyes never leaving each other. Gale bit off a muttered curse, pushed forward once and came with a grunt, biting down on Randy’s shoulder.
Gale just breathed. Kept his face pressed into Randy’s neck. Randy kept still, his fingers itching to card through Gale’s hair, to run through the sweat on Gale’s spine but he lay still, listening to his heart beat loudly in his chest.
“Randy...” Gale lifted his head, took in the tears on Randy’s face, the bite mark on his shoulder. His eyes lost their intensity and he moved, pulling out so quickly Randy hissed in a breath.
“Jesus Randy...fuck, I'm so sorry..well no that's a lie, I can't be sorry, I won't be sorry but I know you lo.. I know you..... God I should go” Gale put his hand down, holding it out to Randy to help him up. Randy just watched him. Gale ran it through it hair and pulled his jeans on. “Yeah.... yeah I better go.”
Randy stood, took his jeans from Gale’s shaking hand, pulled them on. Gale looked broken, angry at himself for losing control. He gave Randy one last apologetic look, made to touch him. Randy took a step back and Gale let his hand drop.
Randy watched as Gale walked through the hall, pausing to shove his feet into his shoes.
Randy was with Simon. He had spent years trying to get over Gale. He cared for Simon deeply. He hated hurting people and there was no way that at least one of them wouldn’t get hurt by this. But he couldn’t watch Gale walk out of his life, he couldn’t let that happen, not again, not now.
“Gale...don’t go.” Gale froze, his hand on the door handle. He turned slowly, his face shocked.
“After what I did, you want me to stay? Jesus I must have hurt you, I’m so sorry.” Randy reached him then, stood tall and ran his fingers down Gale’s face. Gale’s eyes fluttered closed for a second, his hand closing over Randy’s. Their fingers entwined.
“You think I couldn’t have made you stop if I wanted you too?” Randy asked. Gale looked up, a frown on his face and Randy smiled. “You’re not as tough as you think you are.” A smile played on Gale’s lips, pulling the corners up and Randy stood on tiptoes, pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you too, you know? Kinda always have.”
Gale smiled properly then, wound his arms around him and pulled him upwards, Randy’s toes barely grazing the ground, kissed him hard
“Guess you just needed reminding, huh?”
“Mmm...” Randy agreed, jumping slightly and wrapping his legs around Gale’s waist. Gale stumbled slightly but smiled again as he pressed a hand to the wall behind Randy to steady them both. “Everything's kinda hazy though.”
“Need me to remind you again already?” Gale pushed off from the wall, dragging on hand up Randy’s spine, burying it in his hair.
“Yeah...how about at least a couch this time though?” Randy suggested, nodding towards the living room. Gale made a show of carrying him, huffing through the hallway and dumping Randy on the couch. Randy looked up at him, at the man he had loved for years and Gale smiled, crawling onto of Randy and kissing him slowly.
“Sounds good to me.”
.
Just realised I obviously have a thing for Gale pressing Randy up against a wall...Lets face it though, who wouldn’t!
Also, timing is all wrong (with the interviews and the end of filming and the end of Simon and Randy) on this but just go with it...its porn!
Title from The Carey Brothers beautiful song, Ride.
Randy had to admit if he was going to be totally honestly with himself he had kind of expected this. Expected it the moment he said the words out loud, sounding strange, tasting like the lie that it was.
He hadn’t seen Gale for months before he turned up on Randy's doorstep, massively drunk, if the smell of whiskey on his breath was anything to go by, and started ranting, waving his hands in the air until Randy had managed to get his front door open and hauled him inside, away from the prying eyes of neighbours.
“Do you want to calm down and tell me what the hell is going on?” He asked. Even though in the back of his mind he was sure it was about what he said. He’d almost wanted it to be about that, wanted the argument and the release of emotions. Gale narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath, swaying slightly on his feet.
“You...you...big fat liar.” Gale used one finger to poke him in the chest and Randy raised an eyebrow at the child like gesture and insult but didn’t say anything, just watched as Gale seemed to go to touch him again but stopped himself and ran his hand through his hair instead. “’I never kissed Gale in real life.’” He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers and Randy couldn’t help but smile. “It’s not funny Rand....is this payback?”
“Payback for what?” Randy asked. Honestly confused as Gale slumped against the wall in the hallway, he swayed again slightly as he toed off his shoes and Randy rolled his eyes, obviously Gale was settling in for the long haul.
“For when I said I was straight.” That surprised Randy. They had never mentioned it after the argument they had. An argument that had left Randy hurting and Gale angry. Randy had left for the post season break, desperate to get away from Gale, from the one person he thought he would never want to leave. And over the break he met Simon.
“Gale...”
“No. Listen to me. Are you listening?” Gale had his hands on his hips, his bare feet set apart. He looked pissed and something dark and instinctive coiled in Randy’s belly. At the same time as irritation boiled in his blood.
“Don’t use Brian’s words on me, Gale. I’m not Justin.” Randy walked into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge. Gale followed, looking angrier by the second.
“So, you’re just going to deny everything? Everything we shared? Everything we meant to each other all because you're scared your ‘boyfriend’ would find out you were fucking your co-star?” Gale was nearly shouting and Randy slammed the bottle on the counter, something inside him snapping at the angry and hurt look on Gale’s face. It wasn’t his right to look hurt, he wasn’t the one who had his heart ripped clean from his chest.
“Don’t you fucking dare turn this on me, Gale. Everything we meant to each other? You’re the one that wasn’t ready to admit that. You were the one that said you were straight. I was keeping your secret, you asshole. What did you want me to do? Out you to the world?” Randy was glad that Simon was out of town for the weekend. Seeing Gale like this, it was making Randy itchy for a fight, years of suppressed anger bubbling just below the surface, and the mood Gale was in would have probably made him punch Simon. Gale rounded the counter and wound his fingers around Randy’s arms, pulling him close.
“Oh and we’re back to this again. If you would just let me explain, let me apologise...” He said, still furious. Like Randy was the one that had denied them first, like Randy was the one who had thrown them away. The anger was there, as raw as if the argument they had was yesterday. So many things left unsaid between them, so many things buried and thought gone.
Randy wrenched himself free, pushing Gale back, ignoring the way his body called to help Gale as he stumbled.
“I never wanted your fucking apology.” He said as Gale caught his balance and took a step towards him. Randy took a step backwards, his back hitting the fridge, his breath catching in his throat as Gale’s eyes darkened.
“Then what the hell did you want?” Gale demanded, coming closer.
“I think you should go Gale.” Randy pressed his fingers to his forehead. He couldn’t do this again, couldn’t fall into the same trap of wanting Gale and not being able to have him.
“I don’t think so. What did you want Randy?” Gale’s hands pressed into the fridge by Randy’s head, trapping him against it, caging him in. His face came closer, the whiskey on his breath as intoxicating as if Randy had drunk it himself. Or maybe that was just Gale being this close after so long.
“Gale...” He tried, his voice coming out quiet and broken and Gale pressed his entire body in. Randy couldn’t hide the shiver than ran up his body. Gale noticed, a smirk played at the corner of his mouth but his voice lowered.
“What did you want Randy?” Randy closed his eyes, took a deep breath. He was so sick of this. So sick of feeling the need to run straight to Gale whenever he snapped his fingers, of being unable to control the want he felt whenever he saw him.
“Goddamit I wanted you. Not the secrets and the running around pretending to be just friends, pretending we were just “running lines”. You, Gale... I wanted you.” He tried to push Gale again but this time Gale stood his ground, locking his arms and pressing in closer.
“Wanted? As in, in the past. What about now Randy? What do you want now?” Gale said, rolling his hips slightly. Randy closed his eyes against the rush of lust that skittered up his spine and pushed at Gale again, this time Gale went and Randy ignored the cold feeling that ran over him at the loss of contact.
“Stop it. God. I spent ages trying to get over you, pretending that I was doing fine, that I was happy. And you know what? I was starting to be.”
“Happy? With Simon?” Gale sounded incredulous, like how could Randy have been happy with anyone that wasn’t Gale? It was tough but he’d managed it.
“Yes, with Simon. And then you come along, and you spin me around...again. And I fucking hate you for it.” He spat.
The kiss took his breath away.
He didn’t even see Gale move but he was there, mouth over Randy’s, hands around his arms, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. Randy felt the groan from Gale vibrate through his body as he kissed back, instincts kicking in, body taking over when his mind should have been in control.
“I hate you.” He groaned, fingers tangled in Gale’s hair, when Gale pulled away and bit down Randy’s jawline, his tongue darting out to sooth the skin almost immediately.
“No you don’t.” Gale murmured against the skin of Randy’s neck. “What do you want Randy?”
Randy pulled on Gale’s hair, pulled their faces level and looked him dead in the eyes, trying to make Gale understand that this couldn’t be a one time thing. That he needed all of Gale, not half of him like before. “For you to leave me alone and stop messing with my head.” Gale moved his thigh, pressing it between Randy’s and pushed up. Randy’s breath caught in his throat and Gale pressed his lips to Randy’s hammering pulse point. “For you to fuck off.” Randy managed to say as Gale’s fingers unwound from his arms and slid downwards, fingers tracing over his forearms. Randy shivered.
“Randy...what do you want?”
“Fuck...Kiss me.” But he didn’t give Gale enough time to comply. Winding his fingers into Gale’s shirt and pulling him to him. Their mouths collided, teeth clacking together and Randy could have sworn he tasted blood. But then Gale was backing them up, up against the nearest hard surface. Randy’s back hit it with a dull thud, and Gale followed, almost crushing him with the need to get closer. Randy lifted his leg, wrapped it around Gale and pulled, their hips coming together almost painfully hard. They both groaned and Gale’s hands wormed under Randy’s shirt, pressing against skin, fingers dipping below his waistband. Randy’s hands found Gale’s shirt and tugged, pulling it upwards as they broke the kiss long enough to get the shirt off. Gale fumbled at Randy’s buttons until Randy slapped his hands away, tugging the shirt over his head. And then there was skin against skin, heat from Gale’s body radiating into Randy’s and Gale pressed him into the wall, sliding his hands down Randy’s arms again, linking their fingers together. Gale lifted both their hands, pressing them into the wall above Randy’s head, long fingers wrapping round Randy’s wrist, keeping them there as Randy bucked up against Gale.
Gale’s free hand popped Randy’s button, shoving the material aside enough to work its way into his boxers. Randy groaned into Gale’s mouth when Gale wrapped his fingers around his already hard cock. His hips moved on their own accord, Gale’s mouth against his, his heart pounding in his chest.
“What do you want?” Gale asked again, his hand twisting around Randy’s cock. Randy sucked in a breath, his wrists straining against Gale’s strong hold.
“God...would you just shut up and fuck me.” He blurted out, words coming out by instinct. Gale froze, his eyes searching Randy’s. Randy tugged against Gale’s hold again but his fingers just tightened. “Don’t do this me Gale, don’t you dare back out now.”
Gale kissed him again then, slow this time. Slow and gentle and full of promise as his tongue licked into Randy’s mouth. His hand left Randy’s pants, played along his jaw. His thumb pressed into the soft skin under his chin, forcing Randy to look up into his eyes.
“I was a fucking idiot.” He said. Randy tried to look away, feeling stripped bare and vulnerable, his jeans open, his hands trapped by Gale’s strong hold, his cock hard and aching. He swallowed and Gale followed the movement with his thumb.
“Yeah you were.”
“But so were you.” Gale replied. Randy frowned. “You should’ve...” Gale faltered, words stopping, and Randy tugged on his hands. Gale's grasp on his wrists just got tighter, edging towards painful and Randy winced slightly.
“Should’ve what Gale? Forced you to admit it? Fought harder? What?” He practically shouted, straining upwards to meet Gale's body. Trying to get free, trying to get closer, get Gale's hands off him. Get them back on him, back touching. His mind and body arguing over what he needed, what he wanted.
“I love you.” That stopped him short. Gale's words quite in the kitchen. But they were loud and clear to Randy, his whole body freezing, his heart stopping. The only noise to be heard in the almost screaming silence was the hum of the fridge.
“What?” It had taken Randy only a few months of secret meetings with Gale to realise those were the words he had wanted t hear. It had taken him months to try to forget ever wanting Gale to say them to him.
“Fuck...” Gale ran his free hand through his hair. His face was set when his eyes came back to Randy, an almost challenging glint shining in them. “I love you Randy.” It wasn't sweet and romantic like Randy had always dreamt about. It wasn’t Gale on one knee, it wasn't a picnic in a secluded field followed by slow love making, whispered declarations of love and forever. It was honest and open, almost brutal, and so much better than Randy could have ever thought. But a slow chill of worry ran down his back. Gale moved a tiny bit closer.
Randy struggled again. He needed space. He needed time to process the declaration. He needed to get away from Gale because he couldn't think straight around him, he had never been able to. Gale turned him inside out and upside down.
“Don’t play with me. Christ, Gale would you let me go?” Gale narrowed his eyes and his hold tightened even more. Randy knew there was no way he would be able to explain the bruises to Simon but part of him was glad he would have a reminded of this. A reminder of Gale saying that he loved him, even if it was all down to alcohol. Randy knew he would press his fingers to those marks in the new few days, push until it hurt, remember the feel of Gale’s hands on him.
“I’m not playing with you,” Gale said, the thumb of his free hand pressing under his chin again, “and it’s taken me too long to figure it out and I am not about to let you go without me saying it. So stop struggling and listen to me.”
“I am listening.”
“Are you?” Gale leaned closer, his mouth millimetres from Randy's, “Are you hearing me? I’m telling you that I love you.” Randy opened his mouth to speak, even though he had no idea what to say. The phone ringing made them both jump apart, Randy’s heart rate sped up at the same time as the tingling on his skin from where Gale’s hands had been, worsened with guilt and panic.
He couldn’t look at Gale, just continued to stare at the phone as if Simon was about to come through the receiver and find them, both shirtless, Randy’s jeans undone and falling down his hips, lips kissed and cheeks flush from the proximity of Gale and the argument. Randy made to answer the phone, lifting his hand towards it. Gale’s fingers around his wrist hurt in the same way that pressing at a new bruise hurts, but he stopped, his eyes finding Gale’s then.
“Answer that phone and I am out of the door.” Gale said, his voice low and dangerous.
“I have to...it’s Simon.”
“Don’t you fucking answer that phone, Randy. It's always Simon. Simon this, Simon that. He's not the one that makes you feel like this though...” Gale kissed him again, soft and gentle but Randy could feel the tremble in Gale’s body, as if he was holding himself back. Gale’s hands framed Randy’s face, fingers curling into the hair at the back of his neck. Randy shivered, pressing himself forward, pressing into it. There was a shine of satisfaction on Gale’s face when he pulled away. “...is he?”
Randy knew he probably looked wrecked, eyes half closed, lips kiss swollen. He closed his eyes against the look on Gale’s face.
The phone stopped ringing.
“Gale, Simon’s....” Randy began.
“Hey babe, it’s me. Just ringing to see how you were and to tell you I miss you. So...I miss you.” Simon chuckled into the phone and Randy pulled against Gale, wanting to lift the receiver and tell Simon that he was sorry, wanting to stop the answer phone, erase Simon’s voice from his head. “I guess you’re not in so I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Love you.” Gale’s fingers tightened around his arms.
“You know, I am so sick of hearing his name, of seeing pictures of you and him laughing and smiling and being all ‘coupley.’” Randy would have laughed if the situation hadn’t been so un-amusing. Would have smiled at the jealousy in Gale, would have chuckled at the way Gale made quotation marks with his fingers again. “It should be me Randy.” Gale sounded hurt and small, yet the anger still rolled off him in waves.
The whole situation was spinning out of control and it wasn’t fair that Gale had put this all on him, wasn’t fair that the blame seemed to be lying with Randy.
Randy snapped.
“You don’t think I fucking know that?” He shouted, spinning out of Gale’s grasp. “But it isn’t you, Gale. It’s him. He’s the one that gets to touch me.” Randy knew he had pushed too far when Gale’s eyes narrowed and something primal and dark swam in them. Randy took a step back when Gale got closer. His whole body was screaming to be close to Gale, but his mind, the answer machine message still ringing in it, was telling him to step back, be the adult he was and stop this before it went too far.
“I get to touch you Randy and this time I'm gonna make sure that if you ever let him tough you again all you'll feel is me. ” Gale threatened, promised, right before he grabbed Randy and pulled him close, chest to chest with Gale. Randy’s hands came up automatically, wrapped around Gale’s arms, skin smooth under his hands and he’d missed it. Missed the feel of Gale next to him, the feel of Gale’s heartbeat through his chest, Gale’s hard muscle under his skin.
“Gale...” Randy didn’t know if he was begging Gale to stop, or begging him to continue but there was a plea in his voice and Gale heard it, moved his face closer, mouth over Randy’s again. Not quite touching, ghosting kisses along Randy’s jaw.
“Go on Randy, tell me to stop.” Gale pulled back. Looked at Randy in the eyes, the darkness still there, his body still humming with barely controlled anger and lust. Randy’s eyes landed on the answer machine, the little red light flashing at him, taunting him.
“Look at me...” Randy’s eyes snapped back to Gale. “Time’s up.” Gale announced. Before Randy knew it, he was on his back on the floor, Gale’s familiar weight covering him, Gale’s mouth over his. Randy felt his head spin when Gale got is hand back in his pants, wrapping long, deft fingers around his cock. Randy was almost instantly hard and he closed his eyes, letting his head hit the kitchen floor with a thud that reverberated around his brain. Gale’s breath was hot against his neck, ragged and harsh and his hand was burning around his cock.
“I want you to know it’s me doing this to you. I want you to know you’re mine.” Gale said, branding the words onto Randy’s neck with his lips, tongue, his hands on him. Randy kept his eyes closed, didn’t want to see, seeing would make it real and if he opened his eyes, the red light on the answer machine would be there. He could feel Gale’s cock against his thigh, feel as Gale rutted against him, his fingers twisting around Randy’s cock, sending sparks up Randy’s spine, making him arch upwards.
Gale stopped, pulled away and Randy couldn’t help the whimper that escaped his throat. Gale pressed the heal of his hand into Randy’s crotch, Randy bit down on his lip. If he heard Gale fumbling around, one handed, looking for his pants, Randy didn’t notice, didn’t open his eyes, just continued to feel the way Gale’s fingers whispered over Randy’s skin. Randy didn’t fail to notice the unmistakable sound of a condom being rolled down a cock, and kept his eyes squeezed shut as Gale’s body heat surrounded him again. Gale’s hand ran down his legs, tugging the jeans down, the boxer shorts with them. Gale lifted Randy’s leg, pressed a finger to his hole. Randy’s whole body tensed, arched upwards and Gale pressed another one in.
“Look at me Randy.” The tone of Gale’s voice was dark and there was no way Randy could, would argue with it. He opened his eyes, stared straight into Gale’s as Gale pulled his fingers out, lined himself up and pressed in.
It hurt. There wasn’t enough prep, not even remotely enough lube, but God it felt good. Gale so deep inside, so full, and Gale groaned, the groan that sounded like he was dying, snapping his hips forward. His eyes burned with passion and straight into Randy’s, but Randy couldn’t look away, stared straight back, wincing with each thrust, ignoring the tears that escaped his eyes and slid down his face.
He wasn’t crying, not really, but Gale was there, and so deep inside him, and the answer machine was still flashing and there were so many emotions running through his head. He clutched at Gale’s shoulders, felt the muscles under his skin ripple with every thrust of his hips, felt it when Gale it that spot right inside him that made him see stars, arch his back and wrap his legs tight around Gale’s waist. He urged him on with his eyes, not daring to break the spell of intensity that Gale had seemed to cast around them, begging for more, more harder, God for anything other than the hard burn that had settled in his belly.
“Come for me Randy...just me.” Gale said, his fingers moving over Randy’s cock. And Randy did, hard, his whole body seizing as he continued to stare at Gale, their eyes never leaving each other. Gale bit off a muttered curse, pushed forward once and came with a grunt, biting down on Randy’s shoulder.
Gale just breathed. Kept his face pressed into Randy’s neck. Randy kept still, his fingers itching to card through Gale’s hair, to run through the sweat on Gale’s spine but he lay still, listening to his heart beat loudly in his chest.
“Randy...” Gale lifted his head, took in the tears on Randy’s face, the bite mark on his shoulder. His eyes lost their intensity and he moved, pulling out so quickly Randy hissed in a breath.
“Jesus Randy...fuck, I'm so sorry..well no that's a lie, I can't be sorry, I won't be sorry but I know you lo.. I know you..... God I should go” Gale put his hand down, holding it out to Randy to help him up. Randy just watched him. Gale ran it through it hair and pulled his jeans on. “Yeah.... yeah I better go.”
Randy stood, took his jeans from Gale’s shaking hand, pulled them on. Gale looked broken, angry at himself for losing control. He gave Randy one last apologetic look, made to touch him. Randy took a step back and Gale let his hand drop.
Randy watched as Gale walked through the hall, pausing to shove his feet into his shoes.
Randy was with Simon. He had spent years trying to get over Gale. He cared for Simon deeply. He hated hurting people and there was no way that at least one of them wouldn’t get hurt by this. But he couldn’t watch Gale walk out of his life, he couldn’t let that happen, not again, not now.
“Gale...don’t go.” Gale froze, his hand on the door handle. He turned slowly, his face shocked.
“After what I did, you want me to stay? Jesus I must have hurt you, I’m so sorry.” Randy reached him then, stood tall and ran his fingers down Gale’s face. Gale’s eyes fluttered closed for a second, his hand closing over Randy’s. Their fingers entwined.
“You think I couldn’t have made you stop if I wanted you too?” Randy asked. Gale looked up, a frown on his face and Randy smiled. “You’re not as tough as you think you are.” A smile played on Gale’s lips, pulling the corners up and Randy stood on tiptoes, pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you too, you know? Kinda always have.”
Gale smiled properly then, wound his arms around him and pulled him upwards, Randy’s toes barely grazing the ground, kissed him hard
“Guess you just needed reminding, huh?”
“Mmm...” Randy agreed, jumping slightly and wrapping his legs around Gale’s waist. Gale stumbled slightly but smiled again as he pressed a hand to the wall behind Randy to steady them both. “Everything's kinda hazy though.”
“Need me to remind you again already?” Gale pushed off from the wall, dragging on hand up Randy’s spine, burying it in his hair.
“Yeah...how about at least a couch this time though?” Randy suggested, nodding towards the living room. Gale made a show of carrying him, huffing through the hallway and dumping Randy on the couch. Randy looked up at him, at the man he had loved for years and Gale smiled, crawling onto of Randy and kissing him slowly.
“Sounds good to me.”
.