LJ Idol 10 - Week 8 - No Comment
“Mr Howard, Mr Howard,” a small, red headed journalist waves at him from the middle of the crowd. Ryan was waiting for this. He just wondered which one of them would have the balls to bring it up first.
“Any romantic connections you can share with us?” She asks and Ryan groans internally.
“No comment,” he points to the next hand that’s shot up and he can practically hear the collective sigh from the gaggle of journalists before him.
The rest of the press conference goes as normal, questions on foreign policy, how he was going to fix the mistakes of the one before him, etcetera etcetera, till he’s blissfully alone.
Well as alone as he can ever be with a security detail posted outside the door.
Governor Howard pinches the bridge of his nose as there’s a small knock on the door. Alexander Mishnev pushes open the door and backs into the Office with a tinkling tray of coffee.
“You looked like you needed one,” he says with a lopsided grin on his face. Ryan feels himself relax for the first time in a while and watches as he busies himself pouring coffee. Alex, that’s what he Calls himself, moves with an ease that Ryan’s not seen in many before and for a glorified waiter he has a nasty habit of distracting Ryan.
...
It happened months ago when Ryan was being sworn in, one of the youngest Governors in all of the United States had ever seen, and Alex had been in the line-up of H Street staff ready to meet their new boss and leader of their country.
He’d stumbled over words in a way that Ryan could only describe as adorable if he ever used that word. Alex had even managed to cuss and Ryan had felt himself blush as a red colour painted itself across Alex’s cheeks.
It wasn’t until weeks later that Ryan realised he wanted to kiss Alex. And if that hadn’t come to him like a bolt of lighting to the brain.
Alex had been pouring coffee for a meeting and one of the senior members of staff had glanced at his hands a little too long for Ryan’s liking and Alex had noticed, smiled sweetly and had tugged his hand away before their fingers could touch. He’d caught Ryan’s eye and one corner of his mouth had quirked upwards briefly and Ryan had found himself wondering what his lips tasted like. Highly unprofessional.
Ryan had always been able to appreciate the male form, but had always managed to find himself with women instead, if he wanted to make his dream of being the youngest President of the United States he had to. Burying himself into soft curves instead of hard muscle. There had always been something missing in his relationships, and the public had started to notice.
Each press conference now was littered with questions about his personal life and Ryan so far had been able to deflect them with more important things.
...
Alex rounds the side of the desk and places the coffee gently in front of Ryan. Alex always tried not to notice the papers littered across Ryan’s desk and Ryan always smiles at him for it.
“How was the press conference?” Alex asks, wiping his hands on the front of his pants. Ryan swallows and shrugs in the most un-Governor-like way he can.
“Usual,” he says and takes a sip of the perfect coffee. “How do you always make it so good?”
Alex shrugs himself but a pleased smile graces his lips and a faint blush colours his cheeks.
“This are my gift,” he says holding his hands up and wiggling his fingers. Ryan swallows again, and he must be tired if all he can think about is Alex’s hands on him. “Do you need anything else?”
Ryan wants him to stay, wants him to sit and curl up in the chair opposite and talk to him. He wants to have a conversation that's not full of ulterior motives and leading, probing questions.
He shakes his head instead.
And if he catches Alex looking at him a little too long before nodding and walking out neither of them say anything about it.
…
Two weeks after Coffee Gate (yes that’s what Ryan’s calling it), Ryan had found himself heading towards the kitchens at some ungodly hour, the need for caffeine pulsing through his veins and his eyes gritty with sleep.
The faint beat of a baseline of some unknown song had been floating down the corridors and Ryan had caught a glimpse of a flash of white slide across the far end. A flash of white followed by laughing and a very out of tune voice doing what Ryan could only guess was singing but sounded more like wringing a cat.
Ryan had always been light on his feet and the flash of white slid across the corridor again but stalled halfway across and laughed to whoever was in the kitchen. Alex’ back was turned, his movements relaxed and idiotic, a lot of finger pointing and grinding. Alex had backed up until Ryan could reach out and touch him. Ryan should have said something, should have coughed, made more noise walking down the echoy corridor, but he was enjoying the movements too much.
Alex spun to face Ryan and for a second Ryan thought he was going to faint. His face went white, the music still floating from the kitchen and a head appeared from the doorway.
“Oh God...Mr Governor, Sir, can I get you anything?” Scott, Ryan thought his name was Scott and made a mental note to learn as many names as he could, asked, going beetroot red.
“I was looking for coffee,” Ryan said, trying not to look at Alex.
“I’ll make a fresh pot,” Scott disappears and despite wanting to laugh out loud at the situation, Ryan feels sorry for Alex.
“I’m so sorry, Sir,” Alex said, managing to recover enough for words and a tug on his crisp white shirt.
“This is your home too, Mr Mish…”
“Alex, it’s easier,” Alex said with a grin and a hand through his hair. “When I was a kid, I used to think my last name was mischief.”
“Suits you,” Ryan said before he could help himself and Alex blushed again and he really needed to stop doing that for Ryan’s sanity.
“Alex...this is your home too Alex.” He said and Alex had nodded and reached out to brush something from Ryan’s shirt.
“You had some…” Alex trailed off, waving his hand uselessly in front of him in the general vicinity of Ryan’s chest. “Um…”
That had been when Ryan had wanted to know what Alex’s hands felt like on his skin.
God he needed coffee.
“I’ll bring it up for you, Sir,” Alex had said as if reading his mind. There had been something on Ryan’s lips, words unspoken and Ryan couldn’t even remember what they were but he’d nodded.
“Thank you Alex.”
“You’re welcome, Sir.”
“Why are you blushing?” Ryan had heard Scott say, he’d always been blessed with superior hearing.
“Shut up.” Alex had replied and Ryan had smiled, despite himself, all the way back to his office.
…
Ryan knows his personal life is on show, or lack of to be precise. No family to move into H Street had meant that the first press conference had him fielding questions about his personal life in between questions about his policies and promises from his campaign.
He can’t just push a member of H Street Domestic staff against the wall of the Office and kiss the life out of him, no matter how much he wants to.
And he really wants to. God help him he wants to.
He’s constantly on show, constantly scrutinised for every choice he makes, every outfit he wears, every word he says. He knew this was going to be the case but he wanted to make a difference, and had worked his entire life to get where he is now.
“There are rumours starting to fly,” his press secretary says the next day as Alex mills around the background with his trolley of drinks.
“There are always rumours. What are these ones about?” Ryan asks and Boyd takes a seat on one of the couches.
“Your love life,” he says simply and Alex stifles a cough. Ryan really wants to look at him right now but he keeps his eyes on Boyd.
“I don’t suppose no comment would work?” He asks and Boyd shakes his head.
“It’s worked so far, but not now. I can only keep a lid on things like this for so long. You need to seem interested in someone at least.” Boyd raises an eyebrow at Ryan as if he caught Ryan’s eyes flicking across the room to Alex. Alex places coffee in front of him, and a green tea in front of Boyd. “I can get some potential names?”
“God, is this Britain in the middle ages? Do I have to be partnered off to run the state effectively?” Ryan feels his irritation rising and swallows a mouthful of scalding coffee to try and push it back down.
“Mr Governor, the country loves a First Lady, and they love a First Lady of California.” Boyd says and Ryan sighs. “I don’t think they’re ready yet for a First Man…” Boyd says quietly and Ryan raises his own eyebrow. He’s known Boyd for too long for Boyd to pussy foot around issues. “Of would it be First Lord?”
“No comment,” Ryan says.
“It would be Lord,” Alex pipes up from the corner, his back still turned to both of them. “The Lady affectionately comes from the British Peerage system so it would be First Lord…” he trails off and turns slowly to them both. “I’m so sorry Sir.”
Boyd laughs and Ryan smiles at him, despite wanting to push Boyd out of the office and draw the blinds.
“First Lord then,” Boyd says and shakes his head slightly. Ryan feels his cheeks warming as Alex excuses himself. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan says truthfully. He has no idea. In a different life, a different office, he would kiss Alex. This isn’t the life for that.
This is the life for duty.
…
Alex sings whilst he works. When he thinks no one else is around. Its under his breath and quiet enough that you either have to be listening for it or tuned into him to notice.
Ryan has found more than once that he’s tuned into Alex.
It’s another late evening (or early morning if you will) and Ryan is roaming the halls with note cards in his hands. He has a speech to make tomorrow and he uses the halls to practise. Some many of these hallways are filled with memories of great men. Ryan wants to be remembered as a great man.
He hears Alex singing before he sees him, a low hum of noise like a far off radio floating down the corridor and Ryan halts in his step, the cards gripped in his hands.
The song is familiar but not enough that he can catch the words but the noise stops when Alex rounds a corner into the hallway and spots him.
“Mr Governor,” he nods his head politely and Ryan rolls his eyes.
“I shouldn’t say this but its Ryan,” Alex raises an eyebrow at him. “Well, it’s Ryan at 2 am.” Alex huffs out a small laugh.
“You must get bored of Mr Governor, huh?” Alex shoves a dish cloth half into his pocket and runs a hand through his hair. He looks tired and Ryan tries to ignore the pang of guilt in his stomach.
“Don’t you get bored of serving coffee?” Ryan meant it as a joke, but a look crosses Alex’ face and he instantly feels terrible.
“I make more money here than I would anywhere else,” there is an edge of defence in his voice, just under the surface. “It’s a good job, and I like it. Someone like me working in H Street? It’s practically unheard of.” He manages to rein in his anger and Ryan wants to punch himself.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, “I just…”
“No, it’s ok,” Alex shrugs and Ryan feels like the moment has gone.
It’s there again, the unsaid words, hanging between them as Alex waits, looking at him 6 feet away. Ryan takes a step forward and Alex flinches.
“It’s a good job,” he says again and Ryan takes another step. Four feet between them now and Alex looks like he’s going to run. Ryan has no idea what he’s going to do when he get to him.
“You said that,” he says and Alex swallows.
“Sir…” Three feet and Ryan’s still moving.
“Why do I…” Ryan starts and has no idea how to finish that thought.
“Why do you what?” Two feet and Alex looks terrified. But there’s something else under his eyes, something akin to want.
Ryan shakes his head and there’s a foot of space between them now and he can feel it against his lips as Alex huffs out a shaky breath.
There’s nothing Ryan can say right now, nothing to make it ok that he’s coming on to a member of his domestic staff, that this kid who haunts his dreams looks terrified, exhilarated, and aroused all at the same time. No words will justified this. Alex sways towards him slightly and Ryan winds a hand around the back of his neck and tugs him forward.
He’s going for light, a brush of lips against lips but Alex opens up under him and Ryan finds himself plastered against him, with Alex’s back against the wall and one of his legs between Alex’s.
It’s one of those kisses that leaves you wanting more, that you never want to end, that’s hot, heavy and barely started before it’s over and he’s wrenching his mouth away from Alex’s. Alex hums in the back of his throat and Ryan runs a thumb across his bottom lip and steps away.
“Shit,” he mutters and Alex pushes himself off from the wall.
“Um…”
“Alexander, I’m…” He starts and Alex shakes his head.
“Please don’t say you’re sorry,” there’s a hint of pleading in Alex’s voice and Ryan presses two fingers to the middle of his forehead. “If it helps...I...wanted…” He trails off and Ryan looks at him. There’s a blush across his cheeks that is probably more to do with embarrassment than the kiss.
“It helps...some. But…” Alex smiles gently at him.
“I’ve never heard you lost for words,” he says and Ryan huffs out a half sigh, half bitter laugh. “Look,” Alex side steps around him, “that was...well...that was awesome and believe me I would love to shout that from the rooftops but,” he pulls his fingers across his lips and mimes locking them, “no comment right?”
“No comment.”
…
It’s weeks before Ryan sees Alex again, and the childish part of his mind thinks that Alexander is avoiding him. He knows it’s because Alexander is busy elsewhere and Ryan’s had meetings on meetings on press conferences on dinners and lunches and he’s exhausted.
It’s nearing midnight when there’s a soft knock on his door and Alexander’s backside pushes it open.
Ryan’s got to stop him from doing that.
“Hi,” Alex says, a little sheepishly and Ryan wants to go to him, wants to cross the space between them and pull Alex close.
He’s in deep and he knows it.
“You looked tired,” Alex says and Ryan raises an eyebrow at him. “Not in a bad way.” He grins and Ryan accepts the coffee gladly. Ryan brushes his fingers over Alex’s and Alex looks across the desk at him. His eyes close briefly. “Sir…”
“Sorry,” Ryan shakes his head.
“Permission to speak freely?” Alex asks and Ryan stifles a laugh.
“I’m not an Military Officer but go ahead,” he closes the lid of his laptop and links his fingers together on top of it.
“I know we said ‘no comment’ but it’s been driving me crazy these last few weeks. I know that nothing more can happen, if you even want that, but it wasn’t just that moment was it?” Alex spills the words out between them and Ryan wants to lock the door and keep the world out until it stops spinning.
“No...it wasn’t just that moment but Alex, I…”
“I know, I know. I’m not asking for anything,” Ryan stands and Alex rubs his left shoulder with his right hand, putting a barrier between them.
“I would give you anything if you asked,” he says and is shocked at the strength of his own words.
“That’s why I would never ask,” Alex says and Ryan reaches him. Alex drops his hand from his shoulder and places it in the middle of Ryan’s chest.
It’s Alex that starts it this time. Alex who curls his fingers into Ryan’s shirt and tugs him forward, Alex who licks into Ryan’s mouth. Alex who winds his other hand around Ryan and pulls their hips together. Alex’s teeth scrape across the soft inner skin of Ryan’s mouth when he pulls away.
“I have a job here Alex, I can’t…”
“I get it,” Alex says and God help Ryan, he really does. “I can still kiss you every now and then though right?” Alex says and there’s a gleam in his eye that Ryan can’t help but fall a little bit harder for. “You want me to.”
“No comment.”
Alex snorts and pulls him closer.
...
It’s like that for months. Stolen kisses in empty hallways, a hurried hand down Alex’s pants after a tough meeting that leaves them both shaking, secret touches when they think no one’s looking and each time Ryan is asked about his love life, the answers the same, “no comment.”
It become a thing between them. When one of them wants to say the three words that keep wanting to rise to the surface, no comment is said instead. Two words instead of three but the meaning is the same. A hidden secret between them both and when Ryan manages to get Alex into his bed at some ungodly hour of the morning for a blissful 2 hours, he whispers “no comment” into Alex’s mouth as Alex comes between them.
It’s easy when they’re together, Alex talks with a passion that Ryan rarely hears from anyone, a strong understanding of right and wrong and it makes Ryan want him all the more.
“Governor Howard?” A hand shoots up from the crowd and Ryan nods at the journalist.
“Do you have a date for the Valentine's Day Charity Ball?” Ryan resists the urge to smile as a flash of Alex’s face rises to his mind's eyes.
“Why is my love life always such a talking point?” He asks to the crowd and a few laugh.
“Well do you?” The reporter asks. Ryan smiles.
“...No comment.”
There will come a day when either Alex will leave or demand that Ryan comes clean. That day is far away though and for the moment Ryan will keep saying no comment knowing that Alex is watching.
Knowing that Alex knows the real meaning.
“Any romantic connections you can share with us?” She asks and Ryan groans internally.
“No comment,” he points to the next hand that’s shot up and he can practically hear the collective sigh from the gaggle of journalists before him.
The rest of the press conference goes as normal, questions on foreign policy, how he was going to fix the mistakes of the one before him, etcetera etcetera, till he’s blissfully alone.
Well as alone as he can ever be with a security detail posted outside the door.
Governor Howard pinches the bridge of his nose as there’s a small knock on the door. Alexander Mishnev pushes open the door and backs into the Office with a tinkling tray of coffee.
“You looked like you needed one,” he says with a lopsided grin on his face. Ryan feels himself relax for the first time in a while and watches as he busies himself pouring coffee. Alex, that’s what he Calls himself, moves with an ease that Ryan’s not seen in many before and for a glorified waiter he has a nasty habit of distracting Ryan.
...
It happened months ago when Ryan was being sworn in, one of the youngest Governors in all of the United States had ever seen, and Alex had been in the line-up of H Street staff ready to meet their new boss and leader of their country.
He’d stumbled over words in a way that Ryan could only describe as adorable if he ever used that word. Alex had even managed to cuss and Ryan had felt himself blush as a red colour painted itself across Alex’s cheeks.
It wasn’t until weeks later that Ryan realised he wanted to kiss Alex. And if that hadn’t come to him like a bolt of lighting to the brain.
Alex had been pouring coffee for a meeting and one of the senior members of staff had glanced at his hands a little too long for Ryan’s liking and Alex had noticed, smiled sweetly and had tugged his hand away before their fingers could touch. He’d caught Ryan’s eye and one corner of his mouth had quirked upwards briefly and Ryan had found himself wondering what his lips tasted like. Highly unprofessional.
Ryan had always been able to appreciate the male form, but had always managed to find himself with women instead, if he wanted to make his dream of being the youngest President of the United States he had to. Burying himself into soft curves instead of hard muscle. There had always been something missing in his relationships, and the public had started to notice.
Each press conference now was littered with questions about his personal life and Ryan so far had been able to deflect them with more important things.
...
Alex rounds the side of the desk and places the coffee gently in front of Ryan. Alex always tried not to notice the papers littered across Ryan’s desk and Ryan always smiles at him for it.
“How was the press conference?” Alex asks, wiping his hands on the front of his pants. Ryan swallows and shrugs in the most un-Governor-like way he can.
“Usual,” he says and takes a sip of the perfect coffee. “How do you always make it so good?”
Alex shrugs himself but a pleased smile graces his lips and a faint blush colours his cheeks.
“This are my gift,” he says holding his hands up and wiggling his fingers. Ryan swallows again, and he must be tired if all he can think about is Alex’s hands on him. “Do you need anything else?”
Ryan wants him to stay, wants him to sit and curl up in the chair opposite and talk to him. He wants to have a conversation that's not full of ulterior motives and leading, probing questions.
He shakes his head instead.
And if he catches Alex looking at him a little too long before nodding and walking out neither of them say anything about it.
…
Two weeks after Coffee Gate (yes that’s what Ryan’s calling it), Ryan had found himself heading towards the kitchens at some ungodly hour, the need for caffeine pulsing through his veins and his eyes gritty with sleep.
The faint beat of a baseline of some unknown song had been floating down the corridors and Ryan had caught a glimpse of a flash of white slide across the far end. A flash of white followed by laughing and a very out of tune voice doing what Ryan could only guess was singing but sounded more like wringing a cat.
Ryan had always been light on his feet and the flash of white slid across the corridor again but stalled halfway across and laughed to whoever was in the kitchen. Alex’ back was turned, his movements relaxed and idiotic, a lot of finger pointing and grinding. Alex had backed up until Ryan could reach out and touch him. Ryan should have said something, should have coughed, made more noise walking down the echoy corridor, but he was enjoying the movements too much.
Alex spun to face Ryan and for a second Ryan thought he was going to faint. His face went white, the music still floating from the kitchen and a head appeared from the doorway.
“Oh God...Mr Governor, Sir, can I get you anything?” Scott, Ryan thought his name was Scott and made a mental note to learn as many names as he could, asked, going beetroot red.
“I was looking for coffee,” Ryan said, trying not to look at Alex.
“I’ll make a fresh pot,” Scott disappears and despite wanting to laugh out loud at the situation, Ryan feels sorry for Alex.
“I’m so sorry, Sir,” Alex said, managing to recover enough for words and a tug on his crisp white shirt.
“This is your home too, Mr Mish…”
“Alex, it’s easier,” Alex said with a grin and a hand through his hair. “When I was a kid, I used to think my last name was mischief.”
“Suits you,” Ryan said before he could help himself and Alex blushed again and he really needed to stop doing that for Ryan’s sanity.
“Alex...this is your home too Alex.” He said and Alex had nodded and reached out to brush something from Ryan’s shirt.
“You had some…” Alex trailed off, waving his hand uselessly in front of him in the general vicinity of Ryan’s chest. “Um…”
That had been when Ryan had wanted to know what Alex’s hands felt like on his skin.
God he needed coffee.
“I’ll bring it up for you, Sir,” Alex had said as if reading his mind. There had been something on Ryan’s lips, words unspoken and Ryan couldn’t even remember what they were but he’d nodded.
“Thank you Alex.”
“You’re welcome, Sir.”
“Why are you blushing?” Ryan had heard Scott say, he’d always been blessed with superior hearing.
“Shut up.” Alex had replied and Ryan had smiled, despite himself, all the way back to his office.
…
Ryan knows his personal life is on show, or lack of to be precise. No family to move into H Street had meant that the first press conference had him fielding questions about his personal life in between questions about his policies and promises from his campaign.
He can’t just push a member of H Street Domestic staff against the wall of the Office and kiss the life out of him, no matter how much he wants to.
And he really wants to. God help him he wants to.
He’s constantly on show, constantly scrutinised for every choice he makes, every outfit he wears, every word he says. He knew this was going to be the case but he wanted to make a difference, and had worked his entire life to get where he is now.
“There are rumours starting to fly,” his press secretary says the next day as Alex mills around the background with his trolley of drinks.
“There are always rumours. What are these ones about?” Ryan asks and Boyd takes a seat on one of the couches.
“Your love life,” he says simply and Alex stifles a cough. Ryan really wants to look at him right now but he keeps his eyes on Boyd.
“I don’t suppose no comment would work?” He asks and Boyd shakes his head.
“It’s worked so far, but not now. I can only keep a lid on things like this for so long. You need to seem interested in someone at least.” Boyd raises an eyebrow at Ryan as if he caught Ryan’s eyes flicking across the room to Alex. Alex places coffee in front of him, and a green tea in front of Boyd. “I can get some potential names?”
“God, is this Britain in the middle ages? Do I have to be partnered off to run the state effectively?” Ryan feels his irritation rising and swallows a mouthful of scalding coffee to try and push it back down.
“Mr Governor, the country loves a First Lady, and they love a First Lady of California.” Boyd says and Ryan sighs. “I don’t think they’re ready yet for a First Man…” Boyd says quietly and Ryan raises his own eyebrow. He’s known Boyd for too long for Boyd to pussy foot around issues. “Of would it be First Lord?”
“No comment,” Ryan says.
“It would be Lord,” Alex pipes up from the corner, his back still turned to both of them. “The Lady affectionately comes from the British Peerage system so it would be First Lord…” he trails off and turns slowly to them both. “I’m so sorry Sir.”
Boyd laughs and Ryan smiles at him, despite wanting to push Boyd out of the office and draw the blinds.
“First Lord then,” Boyd says and shakes his head slightly. Ryan feels his cheeks warming as Alex excuses himself. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan says truthfully. He has no idea. In a different life, a different office, he would kiss Alex. This isn’t the life for that.
This is the life for duty.
…
Alex sings whilst he works. When he thinks no one else is around. Its under his breath and quiet enough that you either have to be listening for it or tuned into him to notice.
Ryan has found more than once that he’s tuned into Alex.
It’s another late evening (or early morning if you will) and Ryan is roaming the halls with note cards in his hands. He has a speech to make tomorrow and he uses the halls to practise. Some many of these hallways are filled with memories of great men. Ryan wants to be remembered as a great man.
He hears Alex singing before he sees him, a low hum of noise like a far off radio floating down the corridor and Ryan halts in his step, the cards gripped in his hands.
The song is familiar but not enough that he can catch the words but the noise stops when Alex rounds a corner into the hallway and spots him.
“Mr Governor,” he nods his head politely and Ryan rolls his eyes.
“I shouldn’t say this but its Ryan,” Alex raises an eyebrow at him. “Well, it’s Ryan at 2 am.” Alex huffs out a small laugh.
“You must get bored of Mr Governor, huh?” Alex shoves a dish cloth half into his pocket and runs a hand through his hair. He looks tired and Ryan tries to ignore the pang of guilt in his stomach.
“Don’t you get bored of serving coffee?” Ryan meant it as a joke, but a look crosses Alex’ face and he instantly feels terrible.
“I make more money here than I would anywhere else,” there is an edge of defence in his voice, just under the surface. “It’s a good job, and I like it. Someone like me working in H Street? It’s practically unheard of.” He manages to rein in his anger and Ryan wants to punch himself.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, “I just…”
“No, it’s ok,” Alex shrugs and Ryan feels like the moment has gone.
It’s there again, the unsaid words, hanging between them as Alex waits, looking at him 6 feet away. Ryan takes a step forward and Alex flinches.
“It’s a good job,” he says again and Ryan takes another step. Four feet between them now and Alex looks like he’s going to run. Ryan has no idea what he’s going to do when he get to him.
“You said that,” he says and Alex swallows.
“Sir…” Three feet and Ryan’s still moving.
“Why do I…” Ryan starts and has no idea how to finish that thought.
“Why do you what?” Two feet and Alex looks terrified. But there’s something else under his eyes, something akin to want.
Ryan shakes his head and there’s a foot of space between them now and he can feel it against his lips as Alex huffs out a shaky breath.
There’s nothing Ryan can say right now, nothing to make it ok that he’s coming on to a member of his domestic staff, that this kid who haunts his dreams looks terrified, exhilarated, and aroused all at the same time. No words will justified this. Alex sways towards him slightly and Ryan winds a hand around the back of his neck and tugs him forward.
He’s going for light, a brush of lips against lips but Alex opens up under him and Ryan finds himself plastered against him, with Alex’s back against the wall and one of his legs between Alex’s.
It’s one of those kisses that leaves you wanting more, that you never want to end, that’s hot, heavy and barely started before it’s over and he’s wrenching his mouth away from Alex’s. Alex hums in the back of his throat and Ryan runs a thumb across his bottom lip and steps away.
“Shit,” he mutters and Alex pushes himself off from the wall.
“Um…”
“Alexander, I’m…” He starts and Alex shakes his head.
“Please don’t say you’re sorry,” there’s a hint of pleading in Alex’s voice and Ryan presses two fingers to the middle of his forehead. “If it helps...I...wanted…” He trails off and Ryan looks at him. There’s a blush across his cheeks that is probably more to do with embarrassment than the kiss.
“It helps...some. But…” Alex smiles gently at him.
“I’ve never heard you lost for words,” he says and Ryan huffs out a half sigh, half bitter laugh. “Look,” Alex side steps around him, “that was...well...that was awesome and believe me I would love to shout that from the rooftops but,” he pulls his fingers across his lips and mimes locking them, “no comment right?”
“No comment.”
…
It’s weeks before Ryan sees Alex again, and the childish part of his mind thinks that Alexander is avoiding him. He knows it’s because Alexander is busy elsewhere and Ryan’s had meetings on meetings on press conferences on dinners and lunches and he’s exhausted.
It’s nearing midnight when there’s a soft knock on his door and Alexander’s backside pushes it open.
Ryan’s got to stop him from doing that.
“Hi,” Alex says, a little sheepishly and Ryan wants to go to him, wants to cross the space between them and pull Alex close.
He’s in deep and he knows it.
“You looked tired,” Alex says and Ryan raises an eyebrow at him. “Not in a bad way.” He grins and Ryan accepts the coffee gladly. Ryan brushes his fingers over Alex’s and Alex looks across the desk at him. His eyes close briefly. “Sir…”
“Sorry,” Ryan shakes his head.
“Permission to speak freely?” Alex asks and Ryan stifles a laugh.
“I’m not an Military Officer but go ahead,” he closes the lid of his laptop and links his fingers together on top of it.
“I know we said ‘no comment’ but it’s been driving me crazy these last few weeks. I know that nothing more can happen, if you even want that, but it wasn’t just that moment was it?” Alex spills the words out between them and Ryan wants to lock the door and keep the world out until it stops spinning.
“No...it wasn’t just that moment but Alex, I…”
“I know, I know. I’m not asking for anything,” Ryan stands and Alex rubs his left shoulder with his right hand, putting a barrier between them.
“I would give you anything if you asked,” he says and is shocked at the strength of his own words.
“That’s why I would never ask,” Alex says and Ryan reaches him. Alex drops his hand from his shoulder and places it in the middle of Ryan’s chest.
It’s Alex that starts it this time. Alex who curls his fingers into Ryan’s shirt and tugs him forward, Alex who licks into Ryan’s mouth. Alex who winds his other hand around Ryan and pulls their hips together. Alex’s teeth scrape across the soft inner skin of Ryan’s mouth when he pulls away.
“I have a job here Alex, I can’t…”
“I get it,” Alex says and God help Ryan, he really does. “I can still kiss you every now and then though right?” Alex says and there’s a gleam in his eye that Ryan can’t help but fall a little bit harder for. “You want me to.”
“No comment.”
Alex snorts and pulls him closer.
...
It’s like that for months. Stolen kisses in empty hallways, a hurried hand down Alex’s pants after a tough meeting that leaves them both shaking, secret touches when they think no one’s looking and each time Ryan is asked about his love life, the answers the same, “no comment.”
It become a thing between them. When one of them wants to say the three words that keep wanting to rise to the surface, no comment is said instead. Two words instead of three but the meaning is the same. A hidden secret between them both and when Ryan manages to get Alex into his bed at some ungodly hour of the morning for a blissful 2 hours, he whispers “no comment” into Alex’s mouth as Alex comes between them.
It’s easy when they’re together, Alex talks with a passion that Ryan rarely hears from anyone, a strong understanding of right and wrong and it makes Ryan want him all the more.
“Governor Howard?” A hand shoots up from the crowd and Ryan nods at the journalist.
“Do you have a date for the Valentine's Day Charity Ball?” Ryan resists the urge to smile as a flash of Alex’s face rises to his mind's eyes.
“Why is my love life always such a talking point?” He asks to the crowd and a few laugh.
“Well do you?” The reporter asks. Ryan smiles.
“...No comment.”
There will come a day when either Alex will leave or demand that Ryan comes clean. That day is far away though and for the moment Ryan will keep saying no comment knowing that Alex is watching.
Knowing that Alex knows the real meaning.