update
So it has been a while since I posted last.
I have been getting social. Lets see.
Fridays I started going to Hoff/Casey's for girls night. This was dinner and guitar hero. I actually am enjoying it greatly.
Saturdays - Last Saturday was the second marathon game session. I had a very nice time. Unfortunately I was sick for the week before that so I passed out for a bit during the session.
This leads me into what has been most on my mind lately. Last I wrote I was having a hard time with body image and issues. Alice recommended I read a book called "When Women stop hating their bodies". I have only gotten to chapter 4 but it is hitting very close to home. I am starting to have to change my views on a few things, principally societies expectation on what I think of myself.
Saturday morning I was supposed to have lunch at Bear Rock with Bones but he never showed up so after waiting 45 min I got lunch and read the book. It was liberating in a way to just enjoy an early afternoon by yourself out in public. In the past Orion has encouraged me to do things by myself and I have been to shy and nervous to do so. It was amazing how I felt after the hour of reading at the restaurant. I didn't think I looked stupid. In fact I think if someone had looked over they would have thought I was sexy :) What surprised me was that I was so wrapped up in the moment that I only ate half my lunch.
Since that day I have been feeling a lot stronger.
I told Orion how I had felt when out and about and he was hoping I would be able to keep the confidence I had found. Wed. I went to the view for game night and had a wonderful time being strong, sexy, flirty. :: smiles :: had fun button smashing and beating rob a few times :) Lost a lot at pool but that was fine.
Last night I went to the club and was going mainly to try and see if I could talk to Bones but ended up reconnecting to an old friend from Enloe days. Ross (Duncan) and I had a great time playing pool. While he was playing with Brett I was having fun distracting him :: laughs innocently ::
I felt powerful, sexy, full of life and it showed. Ended up going to breakfast with Duncan and a friend of his and then hung out some more.
It was amazing how I felt and I don't want to stop.
Today I started to get depressed because I didn't know what to do tonight and also was dealing with issues of societal norms that don't really apply but are hard to shake after 30 years of conditioning.
I decided I would not allow myself to become depressed. I told myself I wouldn't let society get me down for not following the norms. I will be happy and strong and damn the world if it wants to try and hold me down. And would be a plus if the confidence makes me sexier to Orion :) That definitely would not be a bad thing.
The only blemish on everything is that I still haven't been able to get together with Bones to have him pay me back :( But I'm going to do my best not to let that pull me down either. I am stronger than all this.
I have been getting social. Lets see.
Fridays I started going to Hoff/Casey's for girls night. This was dinner and guitar hero. I actually am enjoying it greatly.
Saturdays - Last Saturday was the second marathon game session. I had a very nice time. Unfortunately I was sick for the week before that so I passed out for a bit during the session.
This leads me into what has been most on my mind lately. Last I wrote I was having a hard time with body image and issues. Alice recommended I read a book called "When Women stop hating their bodies". I have only gotten to chapter 4 but it is hitting very close to home. I am starting to have to change my views on a few things, principally societies expectation on what I think of myself.
Saturday morning I was supposed to have lunch at Bear Rock with Bones but he never showed up so after waiting 45 min I got lunch and read the book. It was liberating in a way to just enjoy an early afternoon by yourself out in public. In the past Orion has encouraged me to do things by myself and I have been to shy and nervous to do so. It was amazing how I felt after the hour of reading at the restaurant. I didn't think I looked stupid. In fact I think if someone had looked over they would have thought I was sexy :) What surprised me was that I was so wrapped up in the moment that I only ate half my lunch.
Since that day I have been feeling a lot stronger.
I told Orion how I had felt when out and about and he was hoping I would be able to keep the confidence I had found. Wed. I went to the view for game night and had a wonderful time being strong, sexy, flirty. :: smiles :: had fun button smashing and beating rob a few times :) Lost a lot at pool but that was fine.
Last night I went to the club and was going mainly to try and see if I could talk to Bones but ended up reconnecting to an old friend from Enloe days. Ross (Duncan) and I had a great time playing pool. While he was playing with Brett I was having fun distracting him :: laughs innocently ::
I felt powerful, sexy, full of life and it showed. Ended up going to breakfast with Duncan and a friend of his and then hung out some more.
It was amazing how I felt and I don't want to stop.
Today I started to get depressed because I didn't know what to do tonight and also was dealing with issues of societal norms that don't really apply but are hard to shake after 30 years of conditioning.
I decided I would not allow myself to become depressed. I told myself I wouldn't let society get me down for not following the norms. I will be happy and strong and damn the world if it wants to try and hold me down. And would be a plus if the confidence makes me sexier to Orion :) That definitely would not be a bad thing.
The only blemish on everything is that I still haven't been able to get together with Bones to have him pay me back :( But I'm going to do my best not to let that pull me down either. I am stronger than all this.