Its not all bad.
Its more about perspective.
I was without any social or interactive event, other than work. I managed to find a class to do Tai Chi, which used to really chill me out and help with life in general. Even better, Hubby wanted to join too so I had time with him and exercise and social. This was 'very good'.
I was also short of money (like 'can we have your house back please' short) and a job comes up, close to home and easy to do and relatively pleasant, in a 'meet my neighbours and kids from school in a subservient role' pleasant way. However, ego aside, I'm earning pennies, so this is 'good'.
Its not all bad.
However it involved working on a Tuesday, which was Tai Chi night. I wept a bit but understood that I am a 'grownup' and have to prioritise and there might be another class somewhere else on another day. I went to work and tried not to resent the lack of Tai Chi too much *sniff*. Its not all bad, you see.
I am however, working a 56 hour week now, which could be good as long as I'm well. I'm still a bit scared of pushing things, but compared to doing nothing and being scared of losing everything, I vote that 'doing something' wins hands down. Its an empowering kind of knackered.
Then they changed the days around for the shifts and I have to give up other things. I don't get Tuesdays back, but I also now work Mondays and Fridays instead of Saturdays (which was ok before because Saturday 6am until 2pm is when Hubby works also, so we'd both get up and do the dressing in the dark thing). They explained that this is 'good' for me because I now have a 'day off' each week, whereas perhaps they felt that a month of 7 day weeks was starting to show.
They also started the new shifts after I had planned to go out for a meal with Hubby (just a cheap meal in the Tapas Bar) to celebrate having been together through lots for 10 years and married for 8. Date for meal had to be cancelled. But we can choose another day, when we are both here, maybe.
And the new Friday shift meant that I could no longer attend my bestest girlfriend's Birthday/Halloween Party, which was probably brilliant and I hope she had much fun.
But I'm trying to see the positives, cus at least I have this Saturday off, even though I woke with Hubby at 4.30 this morning, couldn't go back to sleep after he'd gone, so read until knackered, dozed until neighbours began drilling the wall at 9am and now am sitting at the computer feeling sorry for myself with a head that feels like someone unpacked my brain and then shoved it back in all wrong.
But its not all bad.
Cus this afternoon we get to look after our extended family until her father arrives to 'spend the weekend with her'. We will watch her sit by herself or play on the pc whilst her Dad sits in our conservatory drinking beer and smoking cigars and moans to us about his life. And we can't criticise because 5 years ago we told him it would be ok to use us as a base until he got himself somewhere to live.
But its not all bad.
Because this was my week of half term holiday and I should have enjoyed my time without the cares of work. I've achieved making some muffins, dying my hair (and forehead) and reading books.
I'm not sure what I should be feeling but I think I shall try to stop seeing things as 'good' or 'bad' for the time being.
Being resistant makes me unhappy, and there's nothing to really resist. I've just got to let go of the spoiled brat in my head who keeps proclaiming 'its not fair!' like 'Life's not Fair' isn't something I already know.
But this job gives me more control over what happens to me in the long term. I can pay off some of my yawning debts. I can breathe now they have stopped sending nasty letters. Its just perspective.
Its not all bad.
I was without any social or interactive event, other than work. I managed to find a class to do Tai Chi, which used to really chill me out and help with life in general. Even better, Hubby wanted to join too so I had time with him and exercise and social. This was 'very good'.
I was also short of money (like 'can we have your house back please' short) and a job comes up, close to home and easy to do and relatively pleasant, in a 'meet my neighbours and kids from school in a subservient role' pleasant way. However, ego aside, I'm earning pennies, so this is 'good'.
Its not all bad.
However it involved working on a Tuesday, which was Tai Chi night. I wept a bit but understood that I am a 'grownup' and have to prioritise and there might be another class somewhere else on another day. I went to work and tried not to resent the lack of Tai Chi too much *sniff*. Its not all bad, you see.
I am however, working a 56 hour week now, which could be good as long as I'm well. I'm still a bit scared of pushing things, but compared to doing nothing and being scared of losing everything, I vote that 'doing something' wins hands down. Its an empowering kind of knackered.
Then they changed the days around for the shifts and I have to give up other things. I don't get Tuesdays back, but I also now work Mondays and Fridays instead of Saturdays (which was ok before because Saturday 6am until 2pm is when Hubby works also, so we'd both get up and do the dressing in the dark thing). They explained that this is 'good' for me because I now have a 'day off' each week, whereas perhaps they felt that a month of 7 day weeks was starting to show.
They also started the new shifts after I had planned to go out for a meal with Hubby (just a cheap meal in the Tapas Bar) to celebrate having been together through lots for 10 years and married for 8. Date for meal had to be cancelled. But we can choose another day, when we are both here, maybe.
And the new Friday shift meant that I could no longer attend my bestest girlfriend's Birthday/Halloween Party, which was probably brilliant and I hope she had much fun.
But I'm trying to see the positives, cus at least I have this Saturday off, even though I woke with Hubby at 4.30 this morning, couldn't go back to sleep after he'd gone, so read until knackered, dozed until neighbours began drilling the wall at 9am and now am sitting at the computer feeling sorry for myself with a head that feels like someone unpacked my brain and then shoved it back in all wrong.
But its not all bad.
Cus this afternoon we get to look after our extended family until her father arrives to 'spend the weekend with her'. We will watch her sit by herself or play on the pc whilst her Dad sits in our conservatory drinking beer and smoking cigars and moans to us about his life. And we can't criticise because 5 years ago we told him it would be ok to use us as a base until he got himself somewhere to live.
But its not all bad.
Because this was my week of half term holiday and I should have enjoyed my time without the cares of work. I've achieved making some muffins, dying my hair (and forehead) and reading books.
I'm not sure what I should be feeling but I think I shall try to stop seeing things as 'good' or 'bad' for the time being.
Being resistant makes me unhappy, and there's nothing to really resist. I've just got to let go of the spoiled brat in my head who keeps proclaiming 'its not fair!' like 'Life's not Fair' isn't something I already know.
But this job gives me more control over what happens to me in the long term. I can pay off some of my yawning debts. I can breathe now they have stopped sending nasty letters. Its just perspective.
Its not all bad.