My Generation
For those of you who don't follow my myspace blog, I have composed an entry of personal thoughts I would like to share with you all. If you take offense to this then you are not my friend. If you do and you know you are my friend, then don't take offense, it's not about you.
Sometimes no matter how good my life is in general I will always find something to hate and to feel bad about. Maybe that's just how life is but I wish I would stop being a whiner...to myself. There is this uncontrollable urge to conform...to be a part of a mass. To feel a togetherness with not 1,2, or 3 people, but many, many more. I feel like the gap in my self has a chance of being filled with the connections of humanity, with those who will also open themselves. Maybe it's me or maybe it's....just me...but there is an unavoidable feeling of empty loneliness when I arrive every morning. I do the same thing everyday for 3 years so far and with no friendships formed I feel like maybe I don't belong there in that mass of thousands of bodies. You may say..."Hey, wait, i'm your friend! How dare you exclude me!" Well, if by friend you mean "person I talk to at school sometimes", then yes, I have many people that talk to me at school sometimes. But by now, everybody has either found a group of friends, or a best friend. I have found neither and now it is too late. You can't intrude upon 2 best friends because you will never be a better friend than either of them are to eachother. Of course I have a best friend, she just doesn't accompany me daily to this institutionalized palace of "knowledge". Besides a few (you know who you are), most people in my life float in and out, claiming ultimate friendship, love and communication with no contact for weeks on end. "To belong is to understand the tacit codes of the people you live with." I sit everyday and observe people, yet I still do not understand why they do or say certain things. I also do not understand the aforementioned mass that plagues the hallways and rooms, how does it claim friendship with so many people? Never in my life have I experienced the extreme social connection that I observe. I contemplate whether it is a disease or not. The human being continues to amaze me. I continue to amaze myself with the lengths I might go to to feel such widespread acceptance. The point of life is not love, but acceptance. Love requires acceptance, acceptance does not always require love. Acceptance is a purely social maneuver. Acceptance requires understanding.
-Fin
Any relating thoughts?
I don't need anyone telling me things like "well you ARE kind of unapproachable".
I know I am.
This is simply a composition, an outpouring of feeling and want, a thought-provoking entry, not a call for help. For you it is an opportunity to relate or continue a thought.
Sometimes no matter how good my life is in general I will always find something to hate and to feel bad about. Maybe that's just how life is but I wish I would stop being a whiner...to myself. There is this uncontrollable urge to conform...to be a part of a mass. To feel a togetherness with not 1,2, or 3 people, but many, many more. I feel like the gap in my self has a chance of being filled with the connections of humanity, with those who will also open themselves. Maybe it's me or maybe it's....just me...but there is an unavoidable feeling of empty loneliness when I arrive every morning. I do the same thing everyday for 3 years so far and with no friendships formed I feel like maybe I don't belong there in that mass of thousands of bodies. You may say..."Hey, wait, i'm your friend! How dare you exclude me!" Well, if by friend you mean "person I talk to at school sometimes", then yes, I have many people that talk to me at school sometimes. But by now, everybody has either found a group of friends, or a best friend. I have found neither and now it is too late. You can't intrude upon 2 best friends because you will never be a better friend than either of them are to eachother. Of course I have a best friend, she just doesn't accompany me daily to this institutionalized palace of "knowledge". Besides a few (you know who you are), most people in my life float in and out, claiming ultimate friendship, love and communication with no contact for weeks on end. "To belong is to understand the tacit codes of the people you live with." I sit everyday and observe people, yet I still do not understand why they do or say certain things. I also do not understand the aforementioned mass that plagues the hallways and rooms, how does it claim friendship with so many people? Never in my life have I experienced the extreme social connection that I observe. I contemplate whether it is a disease or not. The human being continues to amaze me. I continue to amaze myself with the lengths I might go to to feel such widespread acceptance. The point of life is not love, but acceptance. Love requires acceptance, acceptance does not always require love. Acceptance is a purely social maneuver. Acceptance requires understanding.
-Fin
Any relating thoughts?
I don't need anyone telling me things like "well you ARE kind of unapproachable".
I know I am.
This is simply a composition, an outpouring of feeling and want, a thought-provoking entry, not a call for help. For you it is an opportunity to relate or continue a thought.