Quitting
I picked today to quite smoking. So if I seem edgy or bitchy, it's probably not because of you... It's the withdrawal.
I remember the first time I hit a cigarette... I was sitting in the backseat of Jason Dean's car with Sarah Lucas, Shelby Hutchinson, and Enuj Shah, and I didn't inhale. I also remember my first cigarette to myself... (to be fair, I actually smoked like eight cigarettes that one night.) Curt Whirl bought a pack of Reds for me, Reds for Michelle and Menthols for Kim Cascucelli. We stood outside Michelle's uncle's house, whispering and puffing away. I loved cigarettes immediately. It's a wonder we didn't get caught that night. Of course, I got caught the next day! Smoking in my room, of all places to choose to smoke. Then I tried to blame the smell on candles, like my dad, a former smoker, wouldn't know the difference between the smell of cigarettes and candles.
Some people talk about their first cigarette and how they coughed. Not me. It felt like a missing piece of my hand, and I looooooved the feeling of inhaling smoke. The only downfall that night was the sore throat I had. Skip ahead 7 years, I am 20 years old, trying to fall asleep, wheezing and coughing my head off. I had been smoking nearly a pack a day for three years at that point. I had to cut back. Thus came the first serious attempts at quitting--for a while. Eventually, I just settled around a pack every two or three days. Until recently, when I was down to 3 cigarettes a day. I've also been smoking either natural tobacco or clove cigarettes, and then going on occasional two-day Camel Menthol Light binges. One such binge, I went through 3/4 of a pack in one day. Much like binge eating, after the two-day smoke fest, I would have a day or two or three of starvation: a Black & Mild or two cloves bummed from Melisa, nothing else... Then I would buy a pack of something and make it last four days. Then the process would recycle.
So... I had already smoke 3 cigarettes in the morning. But after yoga this afternoon, I felt so good... I didn't want to ruin it by buying another pack. So I committed to today being the day, and I sealed the deal by sending texts to my non-smoking supporters to not let me take it back or change my mind.
Tonight... I go to bed without a cigarette. When I wake up tomorrow, I'm eating breakfast and going straight to yoga. After yoga, I am going straight to my mom's to workout on the trainer whilst reading my articles, and then having lunch. Then it's time to work on my paper, shower, and get ready to teach. Before I know it, the day will be over, and I will only have thought about smoking 100 times. But if I can make it through tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday will be a lot easier. In two and a half weeks, I will have broken the habit. In 30 days, I can officially call myself a non-smoker.
Oh, God, this is gonna suck. But I can't give up now... It's just time.
I remember the first time I hit a cigarette... I was sitting in the backseat of Jason Dean's car with Sarah Lucas, Shelby Hutchinson, and Enuj Shah, and I didn't inhale. I also remember my first cigarette to myself... (to be fair, I actually smoked like eight cigarettes that one night.) Curt Whirl bought a pack of Reds for me, Reds for Michelle and Menthols for Kim Cascucelli. We stood outside Michelle's uncle's house, whispering and puffing away. I loved cigarettes immediately. It's a wonder we didn't get caught that night. Of course, I got caught the next day! Smoking in my room, of all places to choose to smoke. Then I tried to blame the smell on candles, like my dad, a former smoker, wouldn't know the difference between the smell of cigarettes and candles.
Some people talk about their first cigarette and how they coughed. Not me. It felt like a missing piece of my hand, and I looooooved the feeling of inhaling smoke. The only downfall that night was the sore throat I had. Skip ahead 7 years, I am 20 years old, trying to fall asleep, wheezing and coughing my head off. I had been smoking nearly a pack a day for three years at that point. I had to cut back. Thus came the first serious attempts at quitting--for a while. Eventually, I just settled around a pack every two or three days. Until recently, when I was down to 3 cigarettes a day. I've also been smoking either natural tobacco or clove cigarettes, and then going on occasional two-day Camel Menthol Light binges. One such binge, I went through 3/4 of a pack in one day. Much like binge eating, after the two-day smoke fest, I would have a day or two or three of starvation: a Black & Mild or two cloves bummed from Melisa, nothing else... Then I would buy a pack of something and make it last four days. Then the process would recycle.
So... I had already smoke 3 cigarettes in the morning. But after yoga this afternoon, I felt so good... I didn't want to ruin it by buying another pack. So I committed to today being the day, and I sealed the deal by sending texts to my non-smoking supporters to not let me take it back or change my mind.
Tonight... I go to bed without a cigarette. When I wake up tomorrow, I'm eating breakfast and going straight to yoga. After yoga, I am going straight to my mom's to workout on the trainer whilst reading my articles, and then having lunch. Then it's time to work on my paper, shower, and get ready to teach. Before I know it, the day will be over, and I will only have thought about smoking 100 times. But if I can make it through tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday will be a lot easier. In two and a half weeks, I will have broken the habit. In 30 days, I can officially call myself a non-smoker.
Oh, God, this is gonna suck. But I can't give up now... It's just time.