ludibrium
Ludibrium - toy, plaything; object of derision, butt of ridicule; frivolous behavoir; sham, pretense. AKA, writing Rikku like Yuffie in " Tastes Like Green."
Jecht's grave is on the left and Braska's grave is on the right and there in the middle is the stupid, crumby shack that the Legendary Guardian has turned into his own mausoleum. Stupid stupid stupid - Rikku's mantra is an everlasting river in her mind and she kicks loose stones to the beat of the words - stupid stupid stupid.
She makes three full circles - leaving and returning and leaving and returning again - her indecision spinning her around. Finally she curses (in Spiran and in Al Bhed because she needs as many words as she can possibly get) and she marches forward, down the path and past the graves and pushes open the door without knocking.
He looks at her with mild disinterest (which is infuriating since any thought of him inspires within her unyielding passion) and slowly sets the mug in his hand on his table. And thne he waits for her to speak (he's always waiting, waiting, waiting).
"I'm seventeen," she announces the accomplishment in a voice more suited for the stadium at Luca then a small, rickedity cabin in the middle of the woods, "It just happened. My birthday, that is. The other day. The other day was my birthday."
Auron's long fingers slide into his sleeve as he pulls himself into his coat, as if it were armor and she a fiend, and then finally he looks toward her (but not at, he's found something more interesting to stare at and it exists somewhere over her shoulder). "I heard," he says (which isn't half as good as "I remembered" or "I should have been there" or "I have a present for you"). And he doesn't say anything else, which is terrible because that leaves Rikku to to carry the conversation, and all those words that she controlled before have left her.
And for a while she thinks of all the witty and charming things that she never learned how to say, but the train of thought collapses because she's never been good at being demure or subtle, and the proofs in her stupid bikini which she wears as protection against childhood. "I'm an adult," she tells her bikini and him, and it's probably a lie, because she still feels like she's stuck in her awkward fifteen-body, with knobby scabby knees and pointing elbows and little-boy chest. Things have changed (she can hold her breath longer than she could two years prior and she beat Brother in a speeder race without even trying and she's had an almost-kiss with Gippal, and that's gotta count for something), but apparently, things haven't changed enough, because Auron's still looking at a spot floating behind her somewhere and isn't at all admiring her maturity.
"Not yet," he replies with a twist of the lips which is the best smile she can get from him. And finally finally he looks at her and Rikku wastes the opportunity by quickly pointing her own eyes at the ground and at her feet and notices the cuts on her ankles and she's so stupid stupid stupid like a child still and he's right, as usual.
"An adult," someone corrects him, and it takes her an extra moment to realize that it was her because usually her tongue's to heavy and her sentences are too flimsy to speak. "At least, almost. I'm getting there." And then she grins; she's gotten her foothold at last. She leans against the wall (he never offered her a seat) and returns his stare, holding it as long as she can manage.
"What do you want?"
She tugs at one of her braids (which she had Lulu do for her in hopes that some of the other woman's strength and sophistication and general awesomeness would somehow be passed down to her through osmosis or something) and swallows to contain her answer of: you, you, you, you, you naked. "We're going on another adventure, me and Yunie and Paine who you haven't met and I think you'd get along great because you'd both never talk and you have swords. We're going to find Tidus I think, I hope. Lulu and Wakka are out of the running since she's all pregnant and he might as well be, too, because all he does is sit around and worry. And Kilmahri's busy on his mountain doing a lot of stuff that I'm not allowed to see because of tradition and stupid lame-itudes like that which I thought we'd gotten rid of." She's said a lot, but she hasn't really said anything, and she hates when she does that. "And so, you're invited," she finishes, at long last.
He shifts slightly, rolling his shoulders because stretching out wounded muscles is more important than answering her. And he waits a bit before answering (always, always waiting), and when he finally does, it's the same stupid thing he said two years ago when they had won and evil rued the day it had met them and all the world was celebrating except him, "Spira's future belongs in the hands of the living."
And that's not the answer she wanted, but it is what she expected. She had practiced her response for days, marching around with a dictionary and a thesaurus to get the whole thing right, but her articulation slips away, water through her fingers, and she feels the heat of anger rather than cool rationality beating her heart.
Jecht's grave is on the left and Braska's grave is on the right and there in the middle is the stupid, crumby shack that the Legendary Guardian has turned into his own mausoleum. Stupid stupid stupid - Rikku's mantra is an everlasting river in her mind and she kicks loose stones to the beat of the words - stupid stupid stupid.
She makes three full circles - leaving and returning and leaving and returning again - her indecision spinning her around. Finally she curses (in Spiran and in Al Bhed because she needs as many words as she can possibly get) and she marches forward, down the path and past the graves and pushes open the door without knocking.
He looks at her with mild disinterest (which is infuriating since any thought of him inspires within her unyielding passion) and slowly sets the mug in his hand on his table. And thne he waits for her to speak (he's always waiting, waiting, waiting).
"I'm seventeen," she announces the accomplishment in a voice more suited for the stadium at Luca then a small, rickedity cabin in the middle of the woods, "It just happened. My birthday, that is. The other day. The other day was my birthday."
Auron's long fingers slide into his sleeve as he pulls himself into his coat, as if it were armor and she a fiend, and then finally he looks toward her (but not at, he's found something more interesting to stare at and it exists somewhere over her shoulder). "I heard," he says (which isn't half as good as "I remembered" or "I should have been there" or "I have a present for you"). And he doesn't say anything else, which is terrible because that leaves Rikku to to carry the conversation, and all those words that she controlled before have left her.
And for a while she thinks of all the witty and charming things that she never learned how to say, but the train of thought collapses because she's never been good at being demure or subtle, and the proofs in her stupid bikini which she wears as protection against childhood. "I'm an adult," she tells her bikini and him, and it's probably a lie, because she still feels like she's stuck in her awkward fifteen-body, with knobby scabby knees and pointing elbows and little-boy chest. Things have changed (she can hold her breath longer than she could two years prior and she beat Brother in a speeder race without even trying and she's had an almost-kiss with Gippal, and that's gotta count for something), but apparently, things haven't changed enough, because Auron's still looking at a spot floating behind her somewhere and isn't at all admiring her maturity.
"Not yet," he replies with a twist of the lips which is the best smile she can get from him. And finally finally he looks at her and Rikku wastes the opportunity by quickly pointing her own eyes at the ground and at her feet and notices the cuts on her ankles and she's so stupid stupid stupid like a child still and he's right, as usual.
"An adult," someone corrects him, and it takes her an extra moment to realize that it was her because usually her tongue's to heavy and her sentences are too flimsy to speak. "At least, almost. I'm getting there." And then she grins; she's gotten her foothold at last. She leans against the wall (he never offered her a seat) and returns his stare, holding it as long as she can manage.
"What do you want?"
She tugs at one of her braids (which she had Lulu do for her in hopes that some of the other woman's strength and sophistication and general awesomeness would somehow be passed down to her through osmosis or something) and swallows to contain her answer of: you, you, you, you, you naked. "We're going on another adventure, me and Yunie and Paine who you haven't met and I think you'd get along great because you'd both never talk and you have swords. We're going to find Tidus I think, I hope. Lulu and Wakka are out of the running since she's all pregnant and he might as well be, too, because all he does is sit around and worry. And Kilmahri's busy on his mountain doing a lot of stuff that I'm not allowed to see because of tradition and stupid lame-itudes like that which I thought we'd gotten rid of." She's said a lot, but she hasn't really said anything, and she hates when she does that. "And so, you're invited," she finishes, at long last.
He shifts slightly, rolling his shoulders because stretching out wounded muscles is more important than answering her. And he waits a bit before answering (always, always waiting), and when he finally does, it's the same stupid thing he said two years ago when they had won and evil rued the day it had met them and all the world was celebrating except him, "Spira's future belongs in the hands of the living."
And that's not the answer she wanted, but it is what she expected. She had practiced her response for days, marching around with a dictionary and a thesaurus to get the whole thing right, but her articulation slips away, water through her fingers, and she feels the heat of anger rather than cool rationality beating her heart.