Mine
I know I haven't been talking much about the asexual side of things here that much recently. Partially because it's becoming less and less relevant to the day to day activities. We've settled into nice comfort where we've found all the broad edges of things, still exploring some hidden coves, but the shape is there and it doesn't come up in a regular basis.
But last night we found another trigger that ties into how I feel about relationships as an asexual person: possessiveness.
Mine.
I like my relationships, and they fit in my life and fill my needs. But there's been this lingering feeling that because I'm not willing to sacrifice for a 'normal' relationship, I don't get the benefits of a 'normal' relationship. Like stability. Or expectations for the future.
I'm living with roommate, and she's a roommate. We have no broader social structures tying us together. When the lease comes up, she could leave. She could leave before assuming she covers her obligations in the lease. Roommates shift apart, it's what happens. It's a relationship of convenience. Except it's not, not really.
I've got my gentleman caller, a poly non-'primary' D/s relationship, with romantic friendship thing. Whatver you want to call it. It's a relationship that, from the outside, looks more casual than committed.
But neither of them are casual to me. Right now, they're what my significant relationships look like.
So the idea of my people moving away terrifies me. Which is borrowing trouble, as far as I know, no one's going to move any time soon, but can a asexual demi-romantic D/S friendship follow a person to a new city? And if so, how? We don't live together, we don't have financial entanglements, so I don't have the cushion of moving as part of a couple where one can support the other. What about my roommate? When she finishes her program and starts looking for jobs, where's she going to look?
I guess, despite the fact that neither of them have made me feel casual, as a culturally Single person, I'm fighting the cultural scripts that make me feel like I'm not allowed to expect 'non-casual' from these relationships. Since I don't (know if I) want the entanglement and commitment of forever, I have to be prepared for it to end at any time with zero notice. Like anything otherwise would be expecting too much out of a relationship, presuming, acting unreasonably, being weirdly clingy, like a person deciding to go to a University solely because that's where their crush is going.
I feel like I have scripts for casual-friends-fun, and scripts for forever-and-always, the but not for the space in between of "I don't know if I want to be with you for the rest of my life, because that's a lot time for a lot of potential changes and I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but this now can continue forever then I will be very well pleased."
So 'Mine' is reassuring.
'Mine' says that even if there aren't any physical entanglements, there are emotional ones.
'Mine'
This entry was originally posted at http://verbs-not-nouns.dreamwidth.org/35597.html. There are <
> comments there.
But last night we found another trigger that ties into how I feel about relationships as an asexual person: possessiveness.
Mine.
I like my relationships, and they fit in my life and fill my needs. But there's been this lingering feeling that because I'm not willing to sacrifice for a 'normal' relationship, I don't get the benefits of a 'normal' relationship. Like stability. Or expectations for the future.
I'm living with roommate, and she's a roommate. We have no broader social structures tying us together. When the lease comes up, she could leave. She could leave before assuming she covers her obligations in the lease. Roommates shift apart, it's what happens. It's a relationship of convenience. Except it's not, not really.
I've got my gentleman caller, a poly non-'primary' D/s relationship, with romantic friendship thing. Whatver you want to call it. It's a relationship that, from the outside, looks more casual than committed.
But neither of them are casual to me. Right now, they're what my significant relationships look like.
So the idea of my people moving away terrifies me. Which is borrowing trouble, as far as I know, no one's going to move any time soon, but can a asexual demi-romantic D/S friendship follow a person to a new city? And if so, how? We don't live together, we don't have financial entanglements, so I don't have the cushion of moving as part of a couple where one can support the other. What about my roommate? When she finishes her program and starts looking for jobs, where's she going to look?
I guess, despite the fact that neither of them have made me feel casual, as a culturally Single person, I'm fighting the cultural scripts that make me feel like I'm not allowed to expect 'non-casual' from these relationships. Since I don't (know if I) want the entanglement and commitment of forever, I have to be prepared for it to end at any time with zero notice. Like anything otherwise would be expecting too much out of a relationship, presuming, acting unreasonably, being weirdly clingy, like a person deciding to go to a University solely because that's where their crush is going.
I feel like I have scripts for casual-friends-fun, and scripts for forever-and-always, the but not for the space in between of "I don't know if I want to be with you for the rest of my life, because that's a lot time for a lot of potential changes and I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but this now can continue forever then I will be very well pleased."
So 'Mine' is reassuring.
'Mine' says that even if there aren't any physical entanglements, there are emotional ones.
'Mine'
This entry was originally posted at http://verbs-not-nouns.dreamwidth.org/35597.html. There are <
> comments there.