(no subject)
In the past little while, I've played a couple of times with another person. I haven't really done this since the Gentleman caller became my Gentleman caller. Not out of any external restriction or really out of any conscious decision on my part, it's just that I think I was subconsciously aware that this would be a bad idea for everyone involved. I was too busy trying to figure out what I wanted from a relationship, what I could do in a relationship, how to do a relationship, what I wanted, and what made me go squick. I couldn’t add in any new variables yet. Everything was too wobbly and if one thing went, it had the potential to take everything down with it.
But things have settled. I've figured a lot of stuff about what I want and how I work. I feel like the gentleman caller and I are have settled into something that is comfortable and secure. I have solid ground under my feet. And I have this another person, who has been in my circles for a while, and has expressed an interest in playing.
Back when this conversation first came up between the Gentleman caller and, I had explained that at that time, I was feeling happy with what I had and didn’t really need anyone else at the moment. I wasn’t going to look, but I also wasn’t going to turn down anything if anything came up.
And something kinda has. And it was fun to play. I can see a space that he can fill. I think it would be a positive addition to my social structure and my gentleman caller agrees. It’s going to add a another level of things to be aware of, but I think I can manage.
And it also brings up new interesting things to think of when it comes to play. I'm so used to my gentleman caller‘s style and feel and hands. It made me very aware of how far the Gentleman Caller and I have come. It's been baby steps, but we've had a lot of them together. So now I need to sort out what things I’m now comfortable doing as a general thing, and what things I’m just comfortable doing with Gentleman Caller (another thing that should have been an obvious consideration, but it didn’t really occur to me until I was sitting there going “That didn‘t feel right. But I like that with my Gentleman… Oh wait. It‘s not just all about sensation, it‘s also about the other person…”).
But I think it’s going to be fun. Another step on the path.
This entry was originally posted at http://verbs-not-nouns.dreamwidth.org/29476.html. There are <
> comments there.
But things have settled. I've figured a lot of stuff about what I want and how I work. I feel like the gentleman caller and I are have settled into something that is comfortable and secure. I have solid ground under my feet. And I have this another person, who has been in my circles for a while, and has expressed an interest in playing.
Back when this conversation first came up between the Gentleman caller and, I had explained that at that time, I was feeling happy with what I had and didn’t really need anyone else at the moment. I wasn’t going to look, but I also wasn’t going to turn down anything if anything came up.
And something kinda has. And it was fun to play. I can see a space that he can fill. I think it would be a positive addition to my social structure and my gentleman caller agrees. It’s going to add a another level of things to be aware of, but I think I can manage.
And it also brings up new interesting things to think of when it comes to play. I'm so used to my gentleman caller‘s style and feel and hands. It made me very aware of how far the Gentleman Caller and I have come. It's been baby steps, but we've had a lot of them together. So now I need to sort out what things I’m now comfortable doing as a general thing, and what things I’m just comfortable doing with Gentleman Caller (another thing that should have been an obvious consideration, but it didn’t really occur to me until I was sitting there going “That didn‘t feel right. But I like that with my Gentleman… Oh wait. It‘s not just all about sensation, it‘s also about the other person…”).
But I think it’s going to be fun. Another step on the path.
This entry was originally posted at http://verbs-not-nouns.dreamwidth.org/29476.html. There are <
> comments there.