(no subject)
i know what i am not supposed to tell myself. but what if it is something i need to hear and no one else will tell me so i keep telling myself. and i am concerned i am not listening. to any. either good or bad. advice from myself. *hums* i give myself very good advice but seldom seem to follow it...*commence weeping hot salty tears here* but both my good advices seem to bite off each others finger and made each other useless for holding egg shells or threading needles. an ostentatious lack of phone calls blares like big yellow road sign spells *yeild!* to other possibilities you might possibly have a chance at being...what. i've come too far and now i am lost. do i subject myself to the ruination of my spirit for the possibility of...what. can i stand this? do i want to? will there be enough positive to counteract the negative or will i be dragged down into the red without a sigh, without a sign. i wonder if there is a sign, as you pass into the pink the red the lavendar the black, warning you that the way you are going is down. and you don't know where you are because you are going to fast. and the colors blurrrr. if there is a sign, i doubt i could see it, moving so fast.