kate is is in a state of less positiveness then normal
my lungs wheeze when i awake to the phone ringing with a boy 2079.10 miles away from my arms.
he tells me something that makes my heart ache.
i can sleep in his bed once i arrive but for only a week and then i must find a pillow top pallet of my own. i knew that sleeping next to this boy couldnt last. part of me wasnt thinking about landlords not taking kindly to ladies not on their lease squatting in there dwellings.
i hate that now i feel like have no place to go. i cant stay here and now im not so sure of how everything will be out there. i feel helpless and hopeless and i dont like feeling this way.
my girliness is currently assaulting all of my sensibilities. when im bleeding my brain is dysfunctional. all of these ridiculously frustrating pessimistic thoughts that have been swimming in my brain cavity for the last week. im running off to be with a boy that i love and makes me happy but my body isnt taking it well.
my brain is tired of me sleeping all day.
my brain is tired of thinking about all the things that might not happen.
my brain is tired of thinking about all of the options and outcomes that might come along with things not going as originally planned.
my brain just wants to hear something from americorp.
my brain wants to hear that john will be standing at a gate waiting for me to step off of a plane.
my heart wants to prove to everyone that i can be a okay on my own.
my heart doesnt want to return the ticket i bought for a new one thats a couple of months later.
my heart doesnt want to hear maybe you should i think of this only as spending a couple of months out there to see if it will work.
my heart wants me to not be standing here anymore.
i dont want to run around all night throwing money at strangers for their goods and services. i dont want to write songs about zombie unicorn princess. i dont want to pretend like im okay with things as they currently stand. i dont want to leave this house until all of the details that are killing me slowly are all sorted out. i need to do this for my own sanity.
{now its time to worry}
he tells me something that makes my heart ache.
i can sleep in his bed once i arrive but for only a week and then i must find a pillow top pallet of my own. i knew that sleeping next to this boy couldnt last. part of me wasnt thinking about landlords not taking kindly to ladies not on their lease squatting in there dwellings.
i hate that now i feel like have no place to go. i cant stay here and now im not so sure of how everything will be out there. i feel helpless and hopeless and i dont like feeling this way.
my girliness is currently assaulting all of my sensibilities. when im bleeding my brain is dysfunctional. all of these ridiculously frustrating pessimistic thoughts that have been swimming in my brain cavity for the last week. im running off to be with a boy that i love and makes me happy but my body isnt taking it well.
my brain is tired of me sleeping all day.
my brain is tired of thinking about all the things that might not happen.
my brain is tired of thinking about all of the options and outcomes that might come along with things not going as originally planned.
my brain just wants to hear something from americorp.
my brain wants to hear that john will be standing at a gate waiting for me to step off of a plane.
my heart wants to prove to everyone that i can be a okay on my own.
my heart doesnt want to return the ticket i bought for a new one thats a couple of months later.
my heart doesnt want to hear maybe you should i think of this only as spending a couple of months out there to see if it will work.
my heart wants me to not be standing here anymore.
i dont want to run around all night throwing money at strangers for their goods and services. i dont want to write songs about zombie unicorn princess. i dont want to pretend like im okay with things as they currently stand. i dont want to leave this house until all of the details that are killing me slowly are all sorted out. i need to do this for my own sanity.
{now its time to worry}