Gasoline, BANG BANG~, prologue

[dorox]

Title: Gasoline, BANG BANG~
Chapter: 0/? (~5-7)
Rating: PG-13
Focus/Pairing: kinda~Jonghyun!centric; Pairings/Couples will be introduced/develope in the next chapters.
Appearances: Jonghyun; UPCOMING! (tell me who to put in! XD)
Genre: Action; Humor?; Crossover (Upcoming: Romance, Angst, Fluff ...)
Words: 637
Warning: Mention of a gun.

Comments

[bree_nd]

Recommended by crazyoverbishie

Wow, this storyline sounds really interesting, I don't even!

The only thing that maybe you could improve on would be using usual quotes for dialogue. The arrows thingy kinda distracted me from the actual story and as a result, I had to reread to understand some parts.

On a whole, your English is pretty good. Just remember to proof-read to catch any mistakes you might have missed and maybe get a beta reader as well. :)

I hope to see you continue with this! And if it's not too much to ask, could you inform me should you continue it? Thank you so much! :)

[dorox]

So you're the friend she recommended it to ^^ Nice~ ^^

Really? I like using these kinda individual dialogue puntuations ... But I promise thinking about it, alright? I never knew it could be a disturbance to someone o.o

Thanks for the compliment on my English ^^ Sometimes I forget to proof-read, so well ... And actually, I have a beta, it's just that she's rather busy, and she's rather a content-beta than language-beta. :D

I hope too, that people will be interested. I will at least give it a try with a first chapter, and telling possible couples - that probably will get more attention than what I did here, just saying "Jonghyun-centric" XD
Please anticipate the first chapter of this series around next weekend, or maybe in two weeks. After that, we'll have to see.

Thanks for giving me feedback, and reading of course ♥

[bree_nd]

Yeah... Cause I'm one of the people that's nice (according to her) and willing to read anything (according to me) XD

Oh, you don't have to change it for me if you like it. Another way is that you mention or explain that the words designed/styled as such are the dialogues in the author's note. :)
I'm just anal about English not that I'm perfect but yeah XD

Oh, in that case, get more than one beta reader. One for content, another for language, etc. I understand that different people have different abilities so that's what I do too. Personally, I have more content beta readers cause I naturally edit my own stuff to the best of my ability. And I still continue editing after I posted or after someone comments on a mistake I made. My readers are my beta readers, basically. :)
Though, when I ask, they never wanna say anything mean. It irks me sometimes. XD

When you do try it, I'll gladly promote it for you. One piece of advice that I could give you (this is based on a convo with crazyoverbishie) is that have a plan of the things that you want to make

[dorox]

No, now that you're saying it ... I guess I didn't see this dialogue marks anytime before in English books; I'll think about it, thanks for pointing it out to me ^^

I'm already asking around. The thing is - I'm a bit strange when it comes to beta-readers. I don't want anyone to write the story anew for me, just tell me what's good and what's bad, or what weak points the language has, or what to do better. XD But I'm still new to these things. Before, I only proof-read for myself and others, didn't let another do that for me XDD

Yeah ... plans. The thing is this: I still need to have a lot of freedom or I'll completely lose interest. Why put it on paper for others if I have it already completely for myself? But I have everything in my head, don't worry, at least in this story ^^

I will keep your hints in terms of pairings in mind; I thought of something like that, too. :D

No, they don't. It's actually fresh talking with someone who gives me advices. With me, one can always talk like that. Maybe I sound now totally arrogant, but I

[bree_nd]

You're welcome. :) Don't worry too much about it yeah? It's still you're story after all. :)

Erm, if you don't mind me doing so, I think the tenses might need improving. Mind you, I think I called it wrongly.
I meant, like the word 'motivate' can be used as motivated, motivation, motivating, etc. I think some of the errors above are due to that.
Anyway, in your case, I doubt anyone would write your story anew as your grasp of the language is pretty commendable. Mistakes are far and something - I forgot the saying but I hope you understand what I meant to say. XD

If you already have it in your head and you can remember it, then by all means. Cause for me, I have to jot down my ideas or I'd forget them. XD I must be getting old.

Good luck for it then! :)

Oh, that is rare! I usually have to hold back my words and to be able to say it like it is just makes me happy. :) If you do read my fics at any time, feel free to give me concrit. :)
Well, if you need any extra help, just ask. :) I'd willingly help you to the best of my ability.

[bree_nd]

If this irks you, I'm sorry but just entertain me while I please myself. Rated G. My comment is clean and innocent despite how it sounds. XD

If I knew … I would have tried my best to avoid it to happen.
...from happening.

I knew, if my attacker shot, I'd be either dead on the spot or dead within just a few seconds.
...if my attacker were to shoot...

I was kind of shielding the other body; if someone had to get shot, they should get me.
...had to get shot, it should be me.

There wasn't going to pop up a super hero or some kind of savior to help us.
The sentence sounds awkward but I don't think you'd want me to rewrite it for you.

»Just when I was about to leave … Jonghyun! Will you finally stop messing around with my car? «
Just when I was about to leave - I think this part wasn't supposed to be part of the dialogue, right?

Just ignore this if you think my edits have mistakes. Ask ahead if you need explanations or any of them. :)

[dorox]

Yeah~ I really have a problem with tenses, I guess. XD
English is kind of my ... third language, and I only started learning it whole-heartedly around 1 year ago...
Okay, that doesn't make it better, but maybe you'll understand why I ask:

Can you explain to my why in: "(...)if my attacker shot(...)" needs to stand "were to shoot"?
I know it sounds better, but since I'm still learning English and want to understand what I'm writing/editing ...?

So far, I noticed myself this has quite a few errors. XD Now that you're pointing it out, I'm grateful. I think that before I'm posting up the Chapter I, I'm going to reread all this stuff. I must confess ... I was happy when I dumped it here. Well, anyways, thanks :D

And certainly, I'm going to give you critique too, if I ever read one of your stories and there are things I find. (Although I looked through your masterlist, and besides the fact that it's locked for me XDD I don't have THAT much interest in Onkey. No offense intended :D)

[bree_nd]

Oh God. I didn't mean to hurt you or anything. I mean, it's your third language and everything so really, you should be really proud of yourself and where you are right now. I have seen a number of people with English as their first language and sucking at it. Like I always say, practice makes perfect. :) I feel so bad now... *bows* I'm sorry

[dorox]

You haven't been hurting me by any means ^^ It's alright, I just felt like explaining why my English lacks quite a bit. XD
I also read a lot ... I hope you'll be right and once I'll be able to do it correctly at the first try ^^

Ah~ Yeah, it's like the clouds vanished in front of the moon. Now I'm hopefully gonna mind it. :D

Oh, I didn't try a second link //embarrassed
But yes, the OC one caught my interest. :D I think possible!het-fics
are a bit like precious little gems in this yaoi-bromance-world. :D
As soon as I have the time, I'm going to read the two pieces.
Hopefully your motivation is like a rocket ^^

[bree_nd]

I'm glad. I was worried I might've been too harsh or something~ I'm impressed to know that English is your third!

That's not easy but I'm sure you'll be able to edit your own fics and not have any mistakes soon! XD Hwaiting! I do have people tell me that my plot is a little out of it though not as many grammar mistakes cause I edit a lot. XD

All the best, bb~ You can do it!

I'll friend you so you can read that then. It's not even het!SHINee! XD Hahaha. It usually is! I try to post often unless I'm working on a massive fic, like now. Plus I'm kinda brain-dead and am having a little problem putting my ideas into words.

It totally sucks especially since I have the whole fic in my head!!! Gah...!

[dorox]

Actually, I also had a fourth language, French. And as a first Latin; but I'm quite happy I don't have them in classes anymore.

Thank you~ :D
Oh, and I often have the problem .. if I really make a once-over again for my fic, I feel like deleting the whole thing cause something sounds off. So I kind of made a deal with myself: I don't reread that much XD~ Means I don't edit much. //strange ^^

Thank you ^^

Oh, that's great, of course I'll friend you back. Oh, I see, a guy!OC? XD I think I've only read of male OCs ... two times, till now. I'm sorry for assuming the wrong thing. :D

... Does it sound weird if I second all the last stuff?
I'm quite busy atm, and brain-dead, and putting my thoughts into words = difficult. It's all in the brain, but putting it on the paper sometimes not works satisfying enough. ... XD

[bree_nd]

I've added you. :) So you can read.

Which one has guy!OC? The hiatus fic has two girl!OCs. Another has a guy!OC - the MinKey that I editted into OnKey.

Oh! I've learned German and plan to learn French and Korean. I only know French numbers right now. XD

Ahhh! I know the feeling! I hate that but I'm too much of a perfectionist; it drives my friends crazy! XD Don't worry, you shouldn't overthink things. I'm sure your writing isn't rubbish. :)

Oh wait! I just understood what you meant. I wrote SHINee with girls who are OCs. XD

Nope, it's not! I understand what you mean exactly cause yeah! I don't feel satisfied even after people comment that they like what I write. XD *shakes fist*

[dorox]

Oh, you learned German? o.o
Can you speak it? :D Since I'm from Germany. rofls.
Would you mind my question: Why do people in S'pore (I read you're from there?) learn German? ... it's not even a nice language, is it? XDD
Sorry, I'm just really curious ^^

OH, I understood now what you meant with the whole OC-thing. //stupid

Yeah, I'm a strange kind of perfectionist too; I don't even know sometimes if I did something great. XD And I want to get at least a little bit of ... "attention"? For example, for my stories. XD

Somebody really should invent such a fancy thing like a from-head-to-paper-projector ... XD

[bree_nd]

Really?! Woah, cool! I'm kinda out of touch but I've always been able to write and read it better than speaking or listening to it. As of now, the only thing that I can conjure up in my mind is the ABC song and numbers (again!) so yeah. I have a thing for numbers. XD

During my schooling, they gave us a choice to learn French, German or Japanese. There was a briefing and all, and I was tempted cause German was pretty much English with different spellings like milch and fisch. XD So yeah. I have friends that learned the other two subjects too. I think it's a nice language. XD

Hahaha. it's easier to get attention if you write Onew/member. Onew has many MVPs as compared to the others? I guess cause I'm not too sure myself.

Omg, that's like a great idea! Kinda like the memory scanner in The Robinsons movie only to paper instead of on a screen. XD