Thoughts: What I Say Is True (And That Means You Should Believe It)
[Trigger warning for discussion of sexual assault.]
So, choice.
I've been following, off and on, the abortion debates that are going on in the United States. Like most American things, I kind of watch these things with a bemused distance, because the alternative is endless frustration with a system that's not even mine. And most of the time, I can watch with a bemused distance, because when it comes to equal rights, they're quite far behind us. (Sorry, USians. It's true.)
Abortion debates about tax payers' money? Not really something I have to worry about with our right wing, racist-nutcase-loving government. What in the US is precendent in the form of Roe vs. Wade is law over here, and law you can't easily change. In fact, we tried that a while ago. You see, over here, the law says you can have an abortion. If you want to. But you have to wait. Five days.
These five days were found to be 'unnecessarily burdening' to the women having abortions. And they also rarely changed women's minds. But when it came to a vote, they decided not to change it.
Because you see, we might be bemusedly looking at the US anxiety over abortions, but we have the same problem. We don't really believe women when they say something.
Like that time last year when I went to the police station to report a sexual assault. I went the day after, because when I got home and phoned the police, they wouldn't take a report. (This had sound reasons, but left me in a legal bind nonetheless.) Because the next morning, they couldn't take my report. Because if I didn't report it immediately, I must have had a reason. And so I needed to think about it for a day.
I had roughly the same response to the vice detective telling me that, as I had when she was taking the actual report and asked me the legally necessary question of why I considered the assault a crime. I was mostly calm throughout this entire week of statements, paperwork, phone calls, and the final identity line up, but that question made me angry. Someone grabs me, assaults me, and I'm supposed to explain why that's wrong? And by the way, why can't I walk into a police station, and be believed?
Unnecessarily burdening. Funny set of words, that, because after she'd taken my statement and told me I couldn't make it official till later, I, the former legal student, understood. I understood about rules and regulations and the fact that I was accusing someone of a serious felony. I was glad to be seen by a vice detective, which I hadn't been sure would actually be the case, and glad that she'd taken her time and offered me coffee, and pulled out a map to be sure about where it had happened, because I didn't know the street name.
Until the next phone call. Until the next time that I had to tell people what had happened. The most difficult thing about this whole affair was telling people. Because you have to tell everyone. Time and again. And most people are shocked, and they ask you if you're okay, and they believe you. They believed me. Why would they not? And I know that the vice detective believed me. But legally, she wasn't allowed to believe me. So when it came to making the official report, it was five days later, and I really, really didn't need to go into the details of the whole affair. How I'd felt. What I thought the intentions of my assailant had been. And why what he'd done was actually wrong?
Unnecessarily burdening. I've never had an abortion, and I hope I'll never have to. For personal reasons, I know that if I ever find myself pregnant, I will have one. And I won't be pleased that the government has decided that my decision, made for private reasons, reasons which matter to me, which I've thought about, which I'm sure about, doesn't need to be believed. I can't be sure? I have to think about it for five days, because well, apparently I just can't be trusted.
Yes, in cases of serious felonies, waiting periods apply to men, too. I know that. But when it comes to felonious sexual assaults, women tend to be victims way more often than men. I said at the time that I never wanted to become a statistic. I did want to be believed. And as a woman, I don't think there's any ground to believe me less.
So fuck abortion laws. In the US, or here.
--
Sources, as always: Melissa McEwan's Helpful Hints for Dudes, Part I and Andrea Grimes' I Used To Be A Pro-Life Republican. Feel free to link to this piece from anywhere, by the way.
So, choice.
I've been following, off and on, the abortion debates that are going on in the United States. Like most American things, I kind of watch these things with a bemused distance, because the alternative is endless frustration with a system that's not even mine. And most of the time, I can watch with a bemused distance, because when it comes to equal rights, they're quite far behind us. (Sorry, USians. It's true.)
Abortion debates about tax payers' money? Not really something I have to worry about with our right wing, racist-nutcase-loving government. What in the US is precendent in the form of Roe vs. Wade is law over here, and law you can't easily change. In fact, we tried that a while ago. You see, over here, the law says you can have an abortion. If you want to. But you have to wait. Five days.
These five days were found to be 'unnecessarily burdening' to the women having abortions. And they also rarely changed women's minds. But when it came to a vote, they decided not to change it.
Because you see, we might be bemusedly looking at the US anxiety over abortions, but we have the same problem. We don't really believe women when they say something.
Like that time last year when I went to the police station to report a sexual assault. I went the day after, because when I got home and phoned the police, they wouldn't take a report. (This had sound reasons, but left me in a legal bind nonetheless.) Because the next morning, they couldn't take my report. Because if I didn't report it immediately, I must have had a reason. And so I needed to think about it for a day.
I had roughly the same response to the vice detective telling me that, as I had when she was taking the actual report and asked me the legally necessary question of why I considered the assault a crime. I was mostly calm throughout this entire week of statements, paperwork, phone calls, and the final identity line up, but that question made me angry. Someone grabs me, assaults me, and I'm supposed to explain why that's wrong? And by the way, why can't I walk into a police station, and be believed?
Unnecessarily burdening. Funny set of words, that, because after she'd taken my statement and told me I couldn't make it official till later, I, the former legal student, understood. I understood about rules and regulations and the fact that I was accusing someone of a serious felony. I was glad to be seen by a vice detective, which I hadn't been sure would actually be the case, and glad that she'd taken her time and offered me coffee, and pulled out a map to be sure about where it had happened, because I didn't know the street name.
Until the next phone call. Until the next time that I had to tell people what had happened. The most difficult thing about this whole affair was telling people. Because you have to tell everyone. Time and again. And most people are shocked, and they ask you if you're okay, and they believe you. They believed me. Why would they not? And I know that the vice detective believed me. But legally, she wasn't allowed to believe me. So when it came to making the official report, it was five days later, and I really, really didn't need to go into the details of the whole affair. How I'd felt. What I thought the intentions of my assailant had been. And why what he'd done was actually wrong?
Unnecessarily burdening. I've never had an abortion, and I hope I'll never have to. For personal reasons, I know that if I ever find myself pregnant, I will have one. And I won't be pleased that the government has decided that my decision, made for private reasons, reasons which matter to me, which I've thought about, which I'm sure about, doesn't need to be believed. I can't be sure? I have to think about it for five days, because well, apparently I just can't be trusted.
Yes, in cases of serious felonies, waiting periods apply to men, too. I know that. But when it comes to felonious sexual assaults, women tend to be victims way more often than men. I said at the time that I never wanted to become a statistic. I did want to be believed. And as a woman, I don't think there's any ground to believe me less.
So fuck abortion laws. In the US, or here.
--
Sources, as always: Melissa McEwan's Helpful Hints for Dudes, Part I and Andrea Grimes' I Used To Be A Pro-Life Republican. Feel free to link to this piece from anywhere, by the way.