(no subject)
Ok this is getting really annoying that I post only when I am sad...I am pissing myself off but I JUST CAN'T seem to be ok. I know that life isn't bad, that a whole lot more could be going wrong, that I should appreciate what I have. I'm just having a hard time being ok...I can't shake all the emotions I recently went through and panic a bout my relationship...again. I cry a lot...or want to cry. I want to be supportive of Eric but want to scream...I want to jump out the car window out of parental annoyance but at the same time am grateful for ride to work...I curse the MBTA and every day of my commuting life but am happy that I have a job. I HATED the Red Sox Coorporation for not paying me and just being overall bitches and then I had a meeting tonight and got to walk the field...my oh my, what a way to feel good for like .2 seconds. It was so peacful, beautiful, euphoric...I walked away skipping with dirt from Fenway Park :) and was suckered into working again. THEN....I get in the car and ask my mom about my sister and TAHDHA!!!! She is losing her house...and my mother is losing her mind over it. I can't even begin to desribe my sisters situation online but some of you out there know what I am talking about. I don't know what she is going to do and she hinted that Jesse wanted to kill himself again "because we all hate him" FUCK HIM!!!! I am NOT going to let him make me or my loved ones feel guilty for his suicidal thoughts or actions FUCK HIM!!!!!
I wish that I could have her back...I miss my sister and I want to cry about that now. She has one of the saddest lives I've ever known, no real happiness or worth to speak of and it sucks. I want to be able to talk to her, see her, look at her and know she is happy and ok. I can't remember the last time I saw her REALLY happy. And I now when she is really happy. When we were younger we had this chair in our living room that spun around. She used to wrap a blanket around herself so only her eyes were peaking out and spin while making demonic noises...THAT was Erin happy. She used to tickle my back when I was scared and would crawl into bed with her so that I would fall asleep. I miss her...sniff Who is rubbing her back? WHO THE HELL IS WATCHING OUT FOR MY SISTER!!!!!
Crap Crap Crap
Thank you Amy Jo for laughing with me and trying to keep my head above water. I really do feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do...
here come the tears again. I just wish I would bleed...crazy to say but it might relieve me of some sadness, anger, and whatever evil creatures are inside.
G'Night----hope to dream of the field )my .2 seconds of peace all day)
I wish that I could have her back...I miss my sister and I want to cry about that now. She has one of the saddest lives I've ever known, no real happiness or worth to speak of and it sucks. I want to be able to talk to her, see her, look at her and know she is happy and ok. I can't remember the last time I saw her REALLY happy. And I now when she is really happy. When we were younger we had this chair in our living room that spun around. She used to wrap a blanket around herself so only her eyes were peaking out and spin while making demonic noises...THAT was Erin happy. She used to tickle my back when I was scared and would crawl into bed with her so that I would fall asleep. I miss her...sniff Who is rubbing her back? WHO THE HELL IS WATCHING OUT FOR MY SISTER!!!!!
Crap Crap Crap
Thank you Amy Jo for laughing with me and trying to keep my head above water. I really do feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do...
here come the tears again. I just wish I would bleed...crazy to say but it might relieve me of some sadness, anger, and whatever evil creatures are inside.
G'Night----hope to dream of the field )my .2 seconds of peace all day)