What Gen Means To Me
(For purposes of this post, relationships are referring to romantic ones. It gets tiresome writing "romantic relationships" repeatedly.)
I’m sure everyone’s seen the discussions on gen and what defines it. Well, at least, anyone in Stargate Atlantis fandom. If you haven’t, I’m specifically referencing Thoughts on shipping vs. gen by abyssinia4077 and When is Gen, gen? by nonniemous. We all have our definitions, but one thing I’ve noticed among the discussion posts is that slash stories are always slash, always definable, but het is not given the same turn. Why? A same sex relationship defines itself the same way a heterosexual ones, so shouldn’t they be given the same scale?
I guess what I mean is that a relationship doesn’t solely define a person, whether it’s McKay/Sheppard or Daniel/Sha're. It shapes them, changes them, but every single life experience does that. So are we, the writers, supposed to catalogue every single event and put a warning? You can have a gen story with background relationships, because it has changed who they are, but it’s not their only accomplishment in life.
Take McKay. He can be in a relationship with Sheppard, but that’s not going to change the core of who he is. He’s still going to be an odd mix of insecure and overly secure. Still going to be bark out orders and dress down anyone that annoys him. Having a relationship might alter his perceptions a bit, because being in one means learning to find common ground, but who he is isn’t defined by whose bed that he parks his boots under. He can have a prior relationship that helped him change, to see what he didn’t like and fix those areas. He can mourn an ended relationship however he sees fit, but that’s not all he is. He’s a brilliant scientist that keeps Atlantis’s butt out of the fire on a nearly basis, a friend that’d rather kill himself than risk everyone else (“Hide and Seek”), and someone that in another life did die in order to save everyone (“Before I Sleep”). And those aren’t all his facets; just ones that could be used a dozen different ways in order to make any story work. Ones that could include a relationship.
Maybe Sheppard and McKay talked about McKay’s life growing up over a cup of coffee. That could easily be a moment between friends. From what I’ve seen, romantic relationships typically have a friend level as well. Not everyone stays in bed all day, every day. To know someone, they have to talk and see if the relationship will work. Discussing Jeannie’s ballet recital when she was eight has nothing to do with who wants to top that night.
Or say Daniel is the one being examined. He was married to Sha’re, and probably had a conversation or two with her outside the marriage bed. I’m sure they discussed a lot of different things. What it was like on Earth for him. What it was liking growing up on Abydos for her. Little things people from the same culture (or planet in this case) take for granted. Those things would be brought up, and they wouldn’t be about the relationship, so why define it with a label of “het” or “slash”? It would be gen, because they’re examining something general, looking for common factors. What Little Blue Boy does on his fifteenth birthday has no impact on their first anniversary celebration unless it falls on the same day, and that still wouldn’t have any major bearing to the discussions they’re having.
It seems as if slash has gotten this reputation of having to be labeled clearly, even when it’s just a background factor. Think of it like this: if you date Mark X, does the relationship define who you are? Or do you define yourself? Why should a story be any different? I was raised to think that the story is supposed to be relatable to your life and what you know, somehow. A connection that makes you want to cheer the characters on. If a relationship is the only defining characteristic, why would I want to become involved? If I wanted to watch that, I’d just flip on Days of Our Lives or General Hospital, where it’s a regular epidemic for men and women.
Gen, to me, is about exploring characters. Figuring out how they tick, why, and what makes me connect. Usually, relationships aren’t major factor, not the romantic sense, but no person lives entirely alone. Everything from someone calling McKay a liar, to Jeannie’s lost Barbie and the fit she threw afterwards when she was four, would help define him. If he’s happening to sleep with Sheppard at some point in their life and was mentioned, does that negate all those other life experiences?
To me, a het or slash label indicates the story is clearly about the relationship between the two (or more) characters. For example, a Daniel/Sha’re story that involves a date. Maybe an AU story where they’re both on Earth, and he takes her out for a picnic. The story progresses through getting ready for the date to the end of it. Perhaps with one saying “I love you” for the first time, and the reactions and fallout of that occasion. Or a McKay/Sheppard story where John snags a piece of chocolate and he takes it to McKay in the labs, an attempt at bribery for a kiss. Granted, not the best examples, but ones that you can tell are romance related.
I wrote Lady In Red, where it mentioned Elizabeth and Simon’s past relationship, but it wasn’t a major factor in the drabble, and it didn’t get a Elizabeth/Simon or het label because it wasn’t necessary. Just something that happened in her life, something that the color red reminded her of. The story was about how she felt coming back to Atlantis. Should I have labeled it clearly because a relationship was mentioned in passing? Or does that only apply to slash?
If we label every little thing that might offend someone, then we’ll never be surprised by a story because it’ll be laid out in the notes and warnings. What’s the point of reading and leaving feedback then? Everyone knows how it begins and ends without having to read a word.
I’m not saying what I think is law, which I tend to think some of the meta very clearly states, but I do think it’s necessary for people to put their views out there and to have an open discussion. This is my attempt at it. Also, I apologize for all the comma splices. I don't pay attention to them. Grammar? Not my strong suit.
Edit: I wasn't referencing just those two posts in first line of the paragraph before, since I could point out two or more other posts from metafandom that I've disagreed with. Those linked two are ones I saw in the past couple days on sganewsletter that I read and spawned this meta prior to reading metafandom. The non-linked posts are vaguely referenced in my comments as I try and understand their points, which admittedly has been an uphill battle at times.