Wishes don't count for spit
There are times when I wish with all my heart I hadn't fucked up my credit to hell and back when I was 18. Seriously, like you would not believe. Along those lines I wish I had a steady job. I want my own place. Condo would work for now. I just need my own space. I love my godmom, like you would not believe, but I can't handle living with someone for much longer and I'll have no choice. I just...need my own place to enjoy and live. I want my own kitchen, living room, whatever. I want a dog to go with the cat, I just want my place. Where I can call it home, and know it's mine. I want a fulltime job, a degree worth spit, and just my own area of space. And I have a feeling I won't get that for quite a while, like years and years.
I know I say that a lot, but I mean it. I want that so badly that I can't see straight. I don't like that feeling, it's making me edgy, but I'm 25 and I feel like I should be on my own. In a lot of ways, I have been all my life. I've had family to depend on, but emotionally, it's been a hit-or-miss with a lot of misses in there. I don't want to get into that now, but I think that's why I went crazy in college. I had freedom, not that I did anything bad, because this is me, but I did stupid things because my parents hadn't prepared me for the real world. They failed on teaching me how to balance a checking account, how to not spend to the limit on the credit cards. I'm not giving them full blame because I should have asked what I didn't understand, and that's all on me. I'm just saying that if you have a kid, you should prepare them for the big bad world you're throwing them out into.
I'm sliding into a depressive bout. I refuse to say depression since I haven't been diagnosed, but I am sliding into a very miserable place. I really just wish I had my own place, so I could do that without feeling like I'm under a microscope. 1 bedroom, 1 bath. Nothing fancy. Condo would work. I just need my own area, without people speculating on my life. I do enough carefully looking now. I don't need any more help.
I'm stuck and can't seem to get out of it. That's not good.
I know I say that a lot, but I mean it. I want that so badly that I can't see straight. I don't like that feeling, it's making me edgy, but I'm 25 and I feel like I should be on my own. In a lot of ways, I have been all my life. I've had family to depend on, but emotionally, it's been a hit-or-miss with a lot of misses in there. I don't want to get into that now, but I think that's why I went crazy in college. I had freedom, not that I did anything bad, because this is me, but I did stupid things because my parents hadn't prepared me for the real world. They failed on teaching me how to balance a checking account, how to not spend to the limit on the credit cards. I'm not giving them full blame because I should have asked what I didn't understand, and that's all on me. I'm just saying that if you have a kid, you should prepare them for the big bad world you're throwing them out into.
I'm sliding into a depressive bout. I refuse to say depression since I haven't been diagnosed, but I am sliding into a very miserable place. I really just wish I had my own place, so I could do that without feeling like I'm under a microscope. 1 bedroom, 1 bath. Nothing fancy. Condo would work. I just need my own area, without people speculating on my life. I do enough carefully looking now. I don't need any more help.
I'm stuck and can't seem to get out of it. That's not good.