Are you like your birth order?
The only child develops only child characteristics from having to cope with playing alone and with having to fend off adult intrusion.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Frustration
Strategies for survival: Imaginary companions, two speeds (fast and slow) for doing things
Felt Loss: Freedom
Sense of Justice: Everyone should be treated equally
Thought Pattern: Organization
T-shirt: "Leave me alone, I'd rather do it myself"
Childhood Behavior: Emotional, Obedient
Emotional Expression: demonstrative, tantrums
Source of Anger: Intrusion
Nature of Humor: Sarcasm
Means of Relating: Projection
Spirituality: Ethical
Relational: Feels others' feelings, fixer of problems
The Child Within: Smothered
Type of Procrastination: Put off big jobs while doing little jobs
Blind spot: What others think/feel
Boundaries: Has them for self and others
A walk in the woods: Stays on the path
Careers: Radio Announcer, Finance, Teaching, Ministry, Management
Strengths: Organizing, Stability
Parenting: Allows children time and space
Marriage: Tries to meet partner's expectations
As Friend: Emotional, Considerate
Social Contributions: Organizational leadership, authors of self-help books
Expression of Love: Worry
Driving Style: As if everyone is going to do the right thing
Listening Style: Puts own meaning into others' words
Common Phrase: "You know"
Responds To: "I don't know about you but...."
FIRST BORN
The first born is an only child until the second child comes to take away mother's attention. The only becomes a first born feeling there is no love for him or her.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Guilt
Strategies for survival: Placating, Covering Up
Felt Loss: Love
Sense of Justice: People should get what they deserve
Thought Pattern: Research
T-shirt: "I don't know, what do you think?"
Childhood Behavior: Demanding, Show off
Emotional Expression: Flat
Source of Anger: Lack of Respect
Nature of Humor: Teasing
Means of Relating: Placating
Spirituality: Relational
Relational: Fears others may be offended, Placater
The Child Within: Abandoned
Type of Procrastination: Dreaming instead of doing
Blind spot: Own thoughts, feelings, desires
Boundaries: Others have absolute boundaries
A walk in the woods: Plunges into the woods pursuing distant goal
Careers: Business, Research, Counseling, Promotion, Speaking
Strengths: Goal-setting, Compromise, Leadership
Parenting: Directs children towards goals
Marriage: Goes along with what partner wants
As Friend: Compromising, Serving
Social Contributions: Discoveries, Information, Dreams
Expression of Love: Agreement
Driving Style: As if everyone is out to get him or her
Common Phrase: "I don't know"
Responds To: "You may not agree with this, but...."
SECOND BORN
The second born loses attention as the first born aggressively takes it away, leaving the second child to feel as if he or she cannot do anything well enough to merit attention.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Inadequacy
Strategies for survival: Perfectionism, Logic
Felt Loss: Emotions
Sense of Justice: Necessity
Thought Pattern: Evaluation
T-shirt: "That won't work, it's not good enough."
Childhood Behavior: Deceptive, Critical
Emotional Expression: Controlled, Intense
Source of Anger: Criticism
Nature of Humor: Dry
Means of Relating: Correction
Spirituality: Self-discipline, Living by rules
Relational: Sensitive to others' anger, Peacemaker
The Child Within: Neglected
Type of Procrastination: Puts things off till they can be done perfectly
Blind spot: Others' emotions
Boundaries: Defined by rules
A walk in the woods: Watches ground around the feet, may go around in circles
Careers: Accounting, Banking, Art, Carpentry, Decorating, Receptionist, Secretary, Teaching, Writing Novels
Strengths: Self-discipline, Honesty, Determination
Parenting: Insists of obedience to the rules
Marriage: Puts spouse, family ahead of self
As Friend: Offers constructive criticism
Social Contributions: Art, financial institutions, completed projects
Expression of Love: Constructive criticism
Driving Style: Drives angrily because others do not follow the rules
Listening Style: Listens for mistakes
Common Phrase: "You need to..."
Responds To: "This may not be perfect, but...."
THIRD BORN
The second born picks on the third in the process of trying to pass on the feeling of inadequacy. Rather than feel inadequate, the third born feels vulnerable. He or she learns to think that anyone can get to him or her.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Vulnerability
Strategies for survival: Being Strong, Attacking
Felt Loss: Protection
Sense of Justice: There is no justice, victims must be rescued
Thought Pattern: Comparison
T-shirt: "No problem, it doesn't bother me any"
Childhood Behavior: Rebellious
Emotional Expression: Sympathy, Attack
Source of Anger: Putdowns
Nature of Humor: Putdowns
Means of Relating: Rescue
Spirituality: Devotional, Strength through prayer
Relational: Pleaser, Sensitive to others' wants/needs
The Child Within: Wounded
Type of Procrastination: Puts off tasks to pursue more interesting projects
Blind spot: Cooperation
Boundaries: None for self
A walk in the woods: Only goes in the woods to help others
Careers: Sales, Police Officer, Newspaper Reporter, Inventor, Poet, Animal Trainer, Child Care
Strengths: Compassion, Practicality, Creativity
Parenting: Protective, Nurturing
Marriage: Wants to please spouse and children
As Friend: Often has only one close friend
Social Contributions: Inventions, Poetry, Inspiration
Expression of Love: Pleasing Others
Driving Style: Fearful or Fearless
Listening Style: Listens for what lies behind the words
Common Phrase: "No Problem"
Responds To: "Please"
FOURTH BORN
The third born tries to pass on the feeling of vulnerability by telling the fourth born he or she is not mature enough to play with the older children, leaving the fourth born feeling immature and unwanted.
Characteristic Bad Feeling Anger
Strategies for survival: Not listening to self, Trying hard
Felt Loss: Belonging
Sense of Justice: There is no justice, you can only get even
Thought Pattern: Analysis
T-shirt: "Life isn't easy, you have to try hard"
Childhood Behavior: Uninvolved, Secretive
Emotional Expression: Anger, Empathy
Source of Anger: Blame
Nature of Humor: Insults
Means of Relating: Entertaining
Spirituality: Mystical
Relational: Feels trapped by other's feelings, controller
The Child Within: Isolated
Type of Procrastination: Puts things off to think about the possible ramifications
Blind spot: Trust
Boundaries: Strict for self, Not allowed for others
A walk in the woods: Does not go in the woods but tells others where to go and how to get there
Careers: Management, Teaching, Comedy, Dentistry, Factory
Strengths: Thinking, Understanding, Hard worker
Parenting: A buddy to the children
Marriage: Provider
As Friend: Does not take initiative
Social Contributions: Philosophy, Managing People
Expression of Love: Giving
Driving Style: Drives slowly while gazing at the surroundings
Listening Style: Listens to self or the other, but not both at same time
Common Phrase: "Try Hard"
Responds To: "This may be hard for you to believe, but...."
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Frustration
Strategies for survival: Imaginary companions, two speeds (fast and slow) for doing things
Felt Loss: Freedom
Sense of Justice: Everyone should be treated equally
Thought Pattern: Organization
T-shirt: "Leave me alone, I'd rather do it myself"
Childhood Behavior: Emotional, Obedient
Emotional Expression: demonstrative, tantrums
Source of Anger: Intrusion
Nature of Humor: Sarcasm
Means of Relating: Projection
Spirituality: Ethical
Relational: Feels others' feelings, fixer of problems
The Child Within: Smothered
Type of Procrastination: Put off big jobs while doing little jobs
Blind spot: What others think/feel
Boundaries: Has them for self and others
A walk in the woods: Stays on the path
Careers: Radio Announcer, Finance, Teaching, Ministry, Management
Strengths: Organizing, Stability
Parenting: Allows children time and space
Marriage: Tries to meet partner's expectations
As Friend: Emotional, Considerate
Social Contributions: Organizational leadership, authors of self-help books
Expression of Love: Worry
Driving Style: As if everyone is going to do the right thing
Listening Style: Puts own meaning into others' words
Common Phrase: "You know"
Responds To: "I don't know about you but...."
FIRST BORN
The first born is an only child until the second child comes to take away mother's attention. The only becomes a first born feeling there is no love for him or her.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Guilt
Strategies for survival: Placating, Covering Up
Felt Loss: Love
Sense of Justice: People should get what they deserve
Thought Pattern: Research
T-shirt: "I don't know, what do you think?"
Childhood Behavior: Demanding, Show off
Emotional Expression: Flat
Source of Anger: Lack of Respect
Nature of Humor: Teasing
Means of Relating: Placating
Spirituality: Relational
Relational: Fears others may be offended, Placater
The Child Within: Abandoned
Type of Procrastination: Dreaming instead of doing
Blind spot: Own thoughts, feelings, desires
Boundaries: Others have absolute boundaries
A walk in the woods: Plunges into the woods pursuing distant goal
Careers: Business, Research, Counseling, Promotion, Speaking
Strengths: Goal-setting, Compromise, Leadership
Parenting: Directs children towards goals
Marriage: Goes along with what partner wants
As Friend: Compromising, Serving
Social Contributions: Discoveries, Information, Dreams
Expression of Love: Agreement
Driving Style: As if everyone is out to get him or her
Common Phrase: "I don't know"
Responds To: "You may not agree with this, but...."
SECOND BORN
The second born loses attention as the first born aggressively takes it away, leaving the second child to feel as if he or she cannot do anything well enough to merit attention.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Inadequacy
Strategies for survival: Perfectionism, Logic
Felt Loss: Emotions
Sense of Justice: Necessity
Thought Pattern: Evaluation
T-shirt: "That won't work, it's not good enough."
Childhood Behavior: Deceptive, Critical
Emotional Expression: Controlled, Intense
Source of Anger: Criticism
Nature of Humor: Dry
Means of Relating: Correction
Spirituality: Self-discipline, Living by rules
Relational: Sensitive to others' anger, Peacemaker
The Child Within: Neglected
Type of Procrastination: Puts things off till they can be done perfectly
Blind spot: Others' emotions
Boundaries: Defined by rules
A walk in the woods: Watches ground around the feet, may go around in circles
Careers: Accounting, Banking, Art, Carpentry, Decorating, Receptionist, Secretary, Teaching, Writing Novels
Strengths: Self-discipline, Honesty, Determination
Parenting: Insists of obedience to the rules
Marriage: Puts spouse, family ahead of self
As Friend: Offers constructive criticism
Social Contributions: Art, financial institutions, completed projects
Expression of Love: Constructive criticism
Driving Style: Drives angrily because others do not follow the rules
Listening Style: Listens for mistakes
Common Phrase: "You need to..."
Responds To: "This may not be perfect, but...."
THIRD BORN
The second born picks on the third in the process of trying to pass on the feeling of inadequacy. Rather than feel inadequate, the third born feels vulnerable. He or she learns to think that anyone can get to him or her.
Characteristic Bad Feeling: Vulnerability
Strategies for survival: Being Strong, Attacking
Felt Loss: Protection
Sense of Justice: There is no justice, victims must be rescued
Thought Pattern: Comparison
T-shirt: "No problem, it doesn't bother me any"
Childhood Behavior: Rebellious
Emotional Expression: Sympathy, Attack
Source of Anger: Putdowns
Nature of Humor: Putdowns
Means of Relating: Rescue
Spirituality: Devotional, Strength through prayer
Relational: Pleaser, Sensitive to others' wants/needs
The Child Within: Wounded
Type of Procrastination: Puts off tasks to pursue more interesting projects
Blind spot: Cooperation
Boundaries: None for self
A walk in the woods: Only goes in the woods to help others
Careers: Sales, Police Officer, Newspaper Reporter, Inventor, Poet, Animal Trainer, Child Care
Strengths: Compassion, Practicality, Creativity
Parenting: Protective, Nurturing
Marriage: Wants to please spouse and children
As Friend: Often has only one close friend
Social Contributions: Inventions, Poetry, Inspiration
Expression of Love: Pleasing Others
Driving Style: Fearful or Fearless
Listening Style: Listens for what lies behind the words
Common Phrase: "No Problem"
Responds To: "Please"
FOURTH BORN
The third born tries to pass on the feeling of vulnerability by telling the fourth born he or she is not mature enough to play with the older children, leaving the fourth born feeling immature and unwanted.
Characteristic Bad Feeling Anger
Strategies for survival: Not listening to self, Trying hard
Felt Loss: Belonging
Sense of Justice: There is no justice, you can only get even
Thought Pattern: Analysis
T-shirt: "Life isn't easy, you have to try hard"
Childhood Behavior: Uninvolved, Secretive
Emotional Expression: Anger, Empathy
Source of Anger: Blame
Nature of Humor: Insults
Means of Relating: Entertaining
Spirituality: Mystical
Relational: Feels trapped by other's feelings, controller
The Child Within: Isolated
Type of Procrastination: Puts things off to think about the possible ramifications
Blind spot: Trust
Boundaries: Strict for self, Not allowed for others
A walk in the woods: Does not go in the woods but tells others where to go and how to get there
Careers: Management, Teaching, Comedy, Dentistry, Factory
Strengths: Thinking, Understanding, Hard worker
Parenting: A buddy to the children
Marriage: Provider
As Friend: Does not take initiative
Social Contributions: Philosophy, Managing People
Expression of Love: Giving
Driving Style: Drives slowly while gazing at the surroundings
Listening Style: Listens to self or the other, but not both at same time
Common Phrase: "Try Hard"
Responds To: "This may be hard for you to believe, but...."