The women need commitment to have sex myth
Of course I can't speak for every woman, but I keep hearing and seeing that women need a deep emotional commitment to have sex. No doubt this is true of some women, hell, likely even most of them. But there's a certain percentage of us who just plain enjoy sex. No, it's not commitment phobia, given that I'm seriously involved with 2 men and peripherally involved with 2 others. That's a commitment of time and emotion that cuts far more into my life than being involved with just one man ever did. (Oh yeah, I'm polyamorous, in case you hadn't guessed) Part of why I'm poly is that I like sex - I like it with different men (and women (bi, too), if the opportunity arises) - because each partner I keep, meaning whom I sleep with regularly, offers me something a little different in and out of bed. One is sweet and not terribly bright, but a hell of a lot of fun to be with and willing to try anything to make me happy. He's surprised both of us with his aptitude for certain things. Another is brilliant and moody, borderline kinky, but he keeps me on my toes. Another is your average Joe on the surface, but scratch a little and I've found very unusual ways of thinking and perceiving the world - he treats me like a queen sometimes, a whore others - he knows my moods before I do.
Back to the sex without commitment topic, no I don't need a commitment to have sex, although I respect other people who do. I'm just not built that way. One thing I AM finding is that as time goes by, my one night stands get fewer and farther between - exactly two in the past year. Although I enjoy sex and I'm often in the mood to fuck, give or receive oral sex, or just fool around, unless one of my main guys is available, it's unlikely that I will find someone I'm willing to sleep with. I've gotten choosier because most sex only really gets good with age - the more you do it with someone, the more you enjoy it as you each learn to please the other. And the list of people I'm willing to "test the waters with" so to speak, gets smaller every year as my criteria changes. I've learned from one night stands that some people aren't good at sex and can't or won't learn, some are just plain lazy and don't care about pleasing their partner and others are utterly clueless all the way around. If my partner falls into any of the above categories, they're not likely to get a call or email, unless it's to say, "That was fun - let's not do it again." The last is only necessary if someone gets pushy about going out again. I had to laugh when someone said years ago they would, in effect, sully my name by saying what a slut I am. I laughed because I travel in three circles. In two of those circles I'm known to be a good natured, fun loving slut - in the third I'm known to be a good girl so the person wouldn't be believed and would quite likely get run out of town (make friends with your local cops - it helps).
Oh yeah, off topic again, but that's me. Why would I want words of love and deep emotion to have sex? Even before I knew what polyamory was, I had no problem with finding a guy I thought attractive and bringing him back to the apartment for a little fun. Of course, that's when I learned the importance of always using protection - condoms are a must, birth control pills pretty much another must. It was only later that I learned to love lube, but that's a whole 'nother story. The only time I was bothered by the commitment issue was senior year in college, finals week. The jerk I was seeing long distance just stopped calling that week, so I had to call him and ask "Is it over?" The long winded answer ended up pretty short - he went back to his ex wife and didn't have the guts to call me. This was about a month after he'd asked me to marry him and I'd said yes - to this day I don't know why. I knew I wasn't in love when I realized I was more pissed that he'd screwed up my study time for finals than that we weren't getting married.
Plain and simple - sex is natural, it's fun, and I swear it's good for the complexion. A weekend of good sex is better than getting a professional facial for me. I enjoy sex in its many forms and will likely be going at it until I die. Of course, I go with The Who's line from My Generation, "Hope I die before I get old" fully realizing that Townshend said a couple years ago at 60, "Hope they don't notice I got old" laughing at himself. That too, is another topic - chronological age not mattering worth a damn as long as you can still do what you want.
Back to the sex without commitment topic, no I don't need a commitment to have sex, although I respect other people who do. I'm just not built that way. One thing I AM finding is that as time goes by, my one night stands get fewer and farther between - exactly two in the past year. Although I enjoy sex and I'm often in the mood to fuck, give or receive oral sex, or just fool around, unless one of my main guys is available, it's unlikely that I will find someone I'm willing to sleep with. I've gotten choosier because most sex only really gets good with age - the more you do it with someone, the more you enjoy it as you each learn to please the other. And the list of people I'm willing to "test the waters with" so to speak, gets smaller every year as my criteria changes. I've learned from one night stands that some people aren't good at sex and can't or won't learn, some are just plain lazy and don't care about pleasing their partner and others are utterly clueless all the way around. If my partner falls into any of the above categories, they're not likely to get a call or email, unless it's to say, "That was fun - let's not do it again." The last is only necessary if someone gets pushy about going out again. I had to laugh when someone said years ago they would, in effect, sully my name by saying what a slut I am. I laughed because I travel in three circles. In two of those circles I'm known to be a good natured, fun loving slut - in the third I'm known to be a good girl so the person wouldn't be believed and would quite likely get run out of town (make friends with your local cops - it helps).
Oh yeah, off topic again, but that's me. Why would I want words of love and deep emotion to have sex? Even before I knew what polyamory was, I had no problem with finding a guy I thought attractive and bringing him back to the apartment for a little fun. Of course, that's when I learned the importance of always using protection - condoms are a must, birth control pills pretty much another must. It was only later that I learned to love lube, but that's a whole 'nother story. The only time I was bothered by the commitment issue was senior year in college, finals week. The jerk I was seeing long distance just stopped calling that week, so I had to call him and ask "Is it over?" The long winded answer ended up pretty short - he went back to his ex wife and didn't have the guts to call me. This was about a month after he'd asked me to marry him and I'd said yes - to this day I don't know why. I knew I wasn't in love when I realized I was more pissed that he'd screwed up my study time for finals than that we weren't getting married.
Plain and simple - sex is natural, it's fun, and I swear it's good for the complexion. A weekend of good sex is better than getting a professional facial for me. I enjoy sex in its many forms and will likely be going at it until I die. Of course, I go with The Who's line from My Generation, "Hope I die before I get old" fully realizing that Townshend said a couple years ago at 60, "Hope they don't notice I got old" laughing at himself. That too, is another topic - chronological age not mattering worth a damn as long as you can still do what you want.