I'm tired.
My life. My choices. My direction.
I'm not happy. I can't remember the last time I was happy. I don't even recall what it is that I'm supposed to do in order to make myself happy. For months anytime anyone has asked me how I am (except for when I'm at work, I've learned to fake it while on the clock), my answer has been an automatic, "okay."
My life is on hold. Figuratively or literally, it doesn't matter. I'm too afraid to take too many steps forward.
I feel alone. Those who I might confide in, have their own lives and their own stuff. I'm simply not a priority for them and that's just how the cookie crumbles.
Twice in the last week I have, uncharacteristically, shared something uniquely, intimately personal with someone I don't know very well. After each encounter, I felt a little lighter. Perhaps a little liberated. At the same time, this person now knows something about me which I normally keep to myself & I'm not 100% my own any longer. It's bittersweet.
If I don't like the direction of my life, I need to take a turn for the better. Or, at the very least, the different.
I'm not happy. I can't remember the last time I was happy. I don't even recall what it is that I'm supposed to do in order to make myself happy. For months anytime anyone has asked me how I am (except for when I'm at work, I've learned to fake it while on the clock), my answer has been an automatic, "okay."
My life is on hold. Figuratively or literally, it doesn't matter. I'm too afraid to take too many steps forward.
I feel alone. Those who I might confide in, have their own lives and their own stuff. I'm simply not a priority for them and that's just how the cookie crumbles.
Twice in the last week I have, uncharacteristically, shared something uniquely, intimately personal with someone I don't know very well. After each encounter, I felt a little lighter. Perhaps a little liberated. At the same time, this person now knows something about me which I normally keep to myself & I'm not 100% my own any longer. It's bittersweet.
If I don't like the direction of my life, I need to take a turn for the better. Or, at the very least, the different.