Fractured Fairy Tale-My 2010 Ficathon Entry
C'mon, if you didn't know it was me by the end of the first page, you must have a nail sticking out of your brain like Happy Gilmore.
( Rated NC-17 for a mermaid BJ )
( Rated NC-17 for a mermaid BJ )
It had been a long, grueling campaign, and they had tired of the rough touches of slatternly barmaids and jaded courtesans.
I LOVE this setup. How they just came from a campaign and every one of them is weary and desperate. Especially Endy, who knew he had a girl waiting for him and probably avoided the wench-breast, poor sap.
“I can’t do this! Not with what happened!”
Knowing now that she planned this from the beginning, I'm guessing she ALSO planned to wait until right at this moment to tell him. Meaning she LET him build up all that expectation and get blueballed at the last minute. I suppose she figured that would make him extra-desperate to find her missing ladies, and also extra surly in making his men go along with him. It totally worked! But oh Serenity, what a cruel mistress you will be.
“I’m busy,” Nereus said, his mouth full of wench-breast.
THIS IS THE GREATEST LINE EVER WRITTEN IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. WHENEVER ANYBODY ASKS ME TO DESCRIBE NEPHRITE'S CHARACTER IN UNDER 10 WORDS, I SHALL QUOTE THIS SENTENCE TO THEM.
“Zephyr, don’t you dare throw up on that horse. He never did anything to you.”
Ha! Seriously, spare the poor horse.
Nereus was thinking ahead. “Should we go ahead and kill it while it’s sleeping?”
“I should hope not; that’s quite cowardly, don’t you think? Also rude.”
LOL!
“No,” Kastor said, taking the lead. “First we make a sweep. I don’t want to fall in the same curse as the lady.”
“Are you kidding?” Jason scoffed. “Heroes never fall into the curse! Damsels do! That’s why they need rescuing all the damn time.”
Kastor's sure smart to be cautious, but Jason obviously speaks the truth.
He reached out and prodded her still body. “Hey, wake up.”
Nothing. He breathed a sigh. “All right, I’m tired, and she’s not going anywhere. Let’s hit the hay and deal with this tomorrow.”
AFTER HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC ANALYSIS OF THE SITUATION... yeah she's asleep.
“Inconceivable!”
I do not think that means what you think it means.
“Could a dream do... this?”
A moan escaped his throat as Daisy pulled her nightgown up and pressed her warm cunt against him, folding him into her wetness. “Probably, yes,” Kastor gasped, and shoved forward and into her.
Bahaha. Good answer.
Ewwwwww, I can't believe Artemis watched. You're like her dad or cranky dragon-feline uncle, dude. I mean, nice and all that he could provide Kastor with an alibi, but still. Ew.
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Ahaha! Yes!
Also the wolf and the gingerbread house is HILARITY. Especially:
“OW!” the wolf keeled over. Nereus scrambled to his feet and held the beast off. It staggered on its hind legs, holding its testicles. “Holy shit man, did you have to go for my junk? You’ve just killed my future litters!”
and
“The girl,” the wolf said, pointing. “Do you really think she’s a little girl? What do you think, I run a daycare or something?”
“Your house is pretty fruity.”
“Yes, I know, douchebag! The housing market’s down right now. You don’t turn down a rent-controlled house, even if it’s made of gingerbread.”
Nereus broke off. “Lady, it seems we are about to--”
“Yes,” she affirmed. “It’s all right. You saved me. You’re my true love.”
He cleared his throat. “Lady, you are the most exquisite creature I’ve seen, and I can’t do this without at least um, knowing something about you.”
I love this exchange. Love love love it.
She stole another kiss, and then asked, “How many children do you want?”
“Twelve.”
Her eyes widened. “I guess I could do that.”
WELP, BETTER GET STARTED THEN. Those two. They could populate their OWN kingdom.
The naval fleet had just left Mariner, so....” She turned beet red and clapped her hands over her face.
Lily was the first to catch on. “I don’t think she meant that kind of uh, seamen.”
Amaryllis peeked through her fingers and gave Zephyr a shy smile. “You have a very nice naval fleet.”
*giggles forever*
“If I told you over crudites at a ball, that my Lady Rose was your soul mate and that you two were destined to be together, would you believe me or would you think that I was setting you up because you’re an overgrown manchild who can’t commit to a proper lady so instead he fucks slews of wenches to fill the hole in his gaping, lonely heart?”
Preach it, Serenity!
Finally, I love the kids, and how they're all from their own fairy tales. I love how you combined all these different stories and made them work so well together!
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Oh good thanks! I stalled a bit when it came to writing this part, which is bullshit since I love M/N and their turbo-fucking.
WELP, BETTER GET STARTED THEN. Those two. They could populate their OWN kingdom.
YES. I cannot WAIT until they start singlehandedly repopulating Canada in Monstersocks. Neil's mom will have so many new hungry dudes to bake cookies for! The dog can go crazy! Mamoru will have a gajillion nieces and nephews crawling all over him and forcing him to play hocky!
And lemme guess: Kain has the average 2.5 sprog and a dog.
Preach it, Serenity!
Nereus doesn't even try to defend himself.
Finally, I love the kids, and how they're all from their own fairy tales. I love how you combined all these different stories and made them work so well together!
Aw thanks!! After I realized how many fairy tales I was sticking in, I decided to go for broke. The only (popular) one missing is strangely, Cinderella.
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Oh my goodness you're a lifesaver XD
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Haha, what are the chances??
I LOVE this setup. How they just came from a campaign and every one of them is weary and desperate. Especially Endy, who knew he had a girl waiting for him and probably avoided the wench-breast, poor sap
Why do I love cockblocking Endymion? It's horrible what I do to that poor guy.
I suppose she figured that would make him extra-desperate to find her missing ladies, and also extra surly in making his men go along with him.
That was the plan! If she gave it up, he'd turn into a sitcom house husband that has to clean the garage. "Oh, honey, I'll rescue your friends this weekend. After the game. Can I get another beer?" Serenity ain't no fool.
THIS IS THE GREATEST LINE EVER WRITTEN IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
BULLSHIT. The greatest line ever written was in FIFTEEN TO MIDNIGHT. You shut your whore mouth!
Kastor's sure smart to be cautious, but Jason obviously speaks the truth.
And he's a flaming hypocrite since his first reaction after Daisy wakes up is: "AAAAH WTF IMMA GONNA BE CURSED!"
AFTER HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC ANALYSIS OF THE SITUATION... yeah she's asleep.
Only after writing this did I realize how similar it was to Shrek. And I hate Shrek. Self-loathing, go.
I do not think that means what you think it means.
:D You picked up on that too! And it was supposed to be ironic since Daisy gets knocked the fuck up that night.
Ewwwwww, I can't believe Artemis watched. You're like her dad or cranky dragon-feline uncle, dude. I mean, nice and all that he could provide Kastor with an alibi, but still. Ew.
Yeah that was purely to exonerate Kastor of being a sleep-rapist. I couldn't think of how to get him off the hook otherwise.
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