bipolarity owns me.
so he calls me, expecting to go see him. how teh fuck am i supposed to do that. i have no means. and of course he manages to guilt trip me :(. i really really do wanna see him, but i have no means to get to him. on the other hand, he can get over here. but i guess that would be asking for too much, since according to him, he's always the one making the effort. why doesn't he just let me be then, if it bothers him to make the effort, if it's such a fucken burden to him. cause he can't. just like i can't. if i were to tell him like that, he would, just cause i said it. and he wouldn't think twice, wouldn't look back. he wouldn't let it bother him. i like how he sees only the effort he puts in. never what i've put up with him, making an effort to get to know him. to hang around and really see what he's about. cause he's turned me away a couple of times. but he comes back. i can't help but feel bad though. i really wanna see him, but what can i do. not a damn thing. my options weren't gonna work out, even if i got in touch with them earlier. and i hate it when he just hangs up on me, I wanna be the one to have the last word. we're a bad combination. i've thought, i've said it, and it's true. we're both stubborn. too much pride there. and we have the same kind of temper. we get mad at that moment, then if we're left alone, we'll get over it on our own. that's why i just wanna let him be. i wanted to call him, and at least talk to him, but i don't think that would work. maybe later.
:(
how is this ever gonna work. i don't know. we're too different. or too alike. something. point is we clash most of the time. but not all the time. i think in some sense, we balance each other out. but still. this is not working out right now. well, not that it's not working out. it's just hard. i don't see him driving over here either. i care about him, a whole fucken lot. i almost wanna say i love him. not as in, i'm in love with the bastard. but i just love him, HIM. i don't wanna talk about him anymore. he's so impossible. i like it that way and i don't. i just want things to be a little more tangible.
the end. i'll call him later.
:(
how is this ever gonna work. i don't know. we're too different. or too alike. something. point is we clash most of the time. but not all the time. i think in some sense, we balance each other out. but still. this is not working out right now. well, not that it's not working out. it's just hard. i don't see him driving over here either. i care about him, a whole fucken lot. i almost wanna say i love him. not as in, i'm in love with the bastard. but i just love him, HIM. i don't wanna talk about him anymore. he's so impossible. i like it that way and i don't. i just want things to be a little more tangible.
the end. i'll call him later.