(no subject)
I hate the curve balls life tosses sometimes. i feel like i'm trying to process eight million completely insane things at one time. i woke up yesterday and life was normal. i showered, got ready for work, drank two diet cokes, and walked to my coffee shop. it was unseasonably warm. i should have known then. warm weather in november will forever equate life changes. today is yet another testament to just such an occurance.
i've kept in contact with one person in my past. the one that i've loved more than anyone since sixth grade. we lost contact over the summer, but due to the persistant urging of my mother, we made contact again.
my best friend.
my partner in crime.
the beautiful one.
the one who understood the overwhelming fear of food.
my running buddy.
we will forever be 13.
swapping clothes.
talking on the phone for hours.
fighting.
picking on boys.
writing notes for each other.
my childhood shattered yesterday.
i'm not sure why it feels that way. but it does.
how can she be pregnant?
my first reaction was, oh, well that can be taken care of.
that's what we do when we're kids.
but we're not anymore.
we are adults.
people have babies at our age.
they have babies when they're way younger then us.
people have careers.
and get married.
and it's funny because a friend of mine and i had a conversation the night before about the pressure we feel to follow our parent's timeline. and how we don't feel that.
i hate not having the answers, but more then that, i hate feeling like i do and then realizing that i really don't. not at all. it makes me feel stupid. and useless.
and now.
my mom is going to mississippi to take care of abandoned hurrican katrina animals.
she's never been to the south.
does she know what she's getting into?
that it's not going to be as romantic as she thinks?
i'm angry because i can't let go. i'm tired of being responsible for all of my feelings. i wish i could release and watch people grow. i loved that. i did it for three years in college. watching someone change and evolve and become something more than they thought they could ever be is more amazing then anything in life. so, why can't i do that for the two people in the world that i would die for? let go and let them live without questioning.
feeling like you've made it so far and then realizing that you're still a little girl in a big world with a lot of unanswered questions certainly puts you in your place.
i've kept in contact with one person in my past. the one that i've loved more than anyone since sixth grade. we lost contact over the summer, but due to the persistant urging of my mother, we made contact again.
my best friend.
my partner in crime.
the beautiful one.
the one who understood the overwhelming fear of food.
my running buddy.
we will forever be 13.
swapping clothes.
talking on the phone for hours.
fighting.
picking on boys.
writing notes for each other.
my childhood shattered yesterday.
i'm not sure why it feels that way. but it does.
how can she be pregnant?
my first reaction was, oh, well that can be taken care of.
that's what we do when we're kids.
but we're not anymore.
we are adults.
people have babies at our age.
they have babies when they're way younger then us.
people have careers.
and get married.
and it's funny because a friend of mine and i had a conversation the night before about the pressure we feel to follow our parent's timeline. and how we don't feel that.
i hate not having the answers, but more then that, i hate feeling like i do and then realizing that i really don't. not at all. it makes me feel stupid. and useless.
and now.
my mom is going to mississippi to take care of abandoned hurrican katrina animals.
she's never been to the south.
does she know what she's getting into?
that it's not going to be as romantic as she thinks?
i'm angry because i can't let go. i'm tired of being responsible for all of my feelings. i wish i could release and watch people grow. i loved that. i did it for three years in college. watching someone change and evolve and become something more than they thought they could ever be is more amazing then anything in life. so, why can't i do that for the two people in the world that i would die for? let go and let them live without questioning.
feeling like you've made it so far and then realizing that you're still a little girl in a big world with a lot of unanswered questions certainly puts you in your place.