Life (Or lack thereof)
So I don't know what there is to tell you
Frankly, this lack of updates is not due to a life altering experience, severe depression and/or my death. It is simply the lack of anything happening in my life that I see as any importance in any way shape or form. I have been very... anti-social minus any interactions within school, school related activities, and Jakob.
My anti-social-ism is mainly living on two basic reasons
1) I am lacking in really good friends at the moment. I've really.. just grown out of certain friends, others have moved far away, some are just fucking retarded, and others don't even like me nearly as much as I like them (as people xP). Since my favorite first decided to run off to Skyview, and then the Navy, I.. really don't hear from him much, mostly because I take forever to write back to him. It's hard to stay great friends like that. And my runner up, Rachel, for one hates Jakob for no real reason, and has her own really good friends, of which I am not.
and (which was kind of mentioned earlier)
2) People are fuck-tarded. Jennifer and her dating Yoshi (Of which I'm not going to rant at the moment as to WHY that's fuck-tarded), Rachel and her life + her unreasonable hating of Jakob.. others I just lost out of contacting often.
And it is le suck. I don't really WANT to end up like my parents, who's only friends are each other. I like people.. excuse me, intelligent people. And I really don't want my whole number of people to be Jakob, and nothing else. I need .. a replacement Sean frankly. Someone that I really want to take time out of my day to hang out with. Someone that I actually call to see if they want to hang out.
There are people I really want to get to know better, but really, I don't think they have a sliver of interest in me or anything I do really. Tony's an incredible guy, but I think the only reason he talks to me at all is my relationship with his brother, and therefore being a 'part of the family'. Matt Moss, my crush back in 7th grade is becoming one my favorite people to talk to, but he only has interest in me because I'm his second alto in adv. jazz band this year, and he has to 'train' me for when I take first alto next year.
The other way around is that those who have some interest at all in knowing me, I have no interest in. I seem to attract retards of every kind. Cody and Jay are beautiful examples of that.
And right in the middle, there are those I love and who love me in turn, we just.. don't know each other that much. Like Emily, the mormon freshman that looks like me. She's wonderful, and I love her entirely, and it seems she loves me as well, but it just doesn't click I guess. I have an entire disposal of these freshman worshippers, and again, I love them all, but I don't see our friendship becoming a hard-core one.
Maybe I just need to shut myself into the internet again until I meet people, like I did before high school. I had plenty of people I would talk to that I didn't even know back then, but.. I got out of it because of how fake it was.. and absolutely ridiculous at the same time, so I doubt that would satisfy me now.
I guess I just need to make friends with myself for the time being via journal (i.e. just posting whatever again) until something happens and I have a life again.
Frankly, this lack of updates is not due to a life altering experience, severe depression and/or my death. It is simply the lack of anything happening in my life that I see as any importance in any way shape or form. I have been very... anti-social minus any interactions within school, school related activities, and Jakob.
My anti-social-ism is mainly living on two basic reasons
1) I am lacking in really good friends at the moment. I've really.. just grown out of certain friends, others have moved far away, some are just fucking retarded, and others don't even like me nearly as much as I like them (as people xP). Since my favorite first decided to run off to Skyview, and then the Navy, I.. really don't hear from him much, mostly because I take forever to write back to him. It's hard to stay great friends like that. And my runner up, Rachel, for one hates Jakob for no real reason, and has her own really good friends, of which I am not.
and (which was kind of mentioned earlier)
2) People are fuck-tarded. Jennifer and her dating Yoshi (Of which I'm not going to rant at the moment as to WHY that's fuck-tarded), Rachel and her life + her unreasonable hating of Jakob.. others I just lost out of contacting often.
And it is le suck. I don't really WANT to end up like my parents, who's only friends are each other. I like people.. excuse me, intelligent people. And I really don't want my whole number of people to be Jakob, and nothing else. I need .. a replacement Sean frankly. Someone that I really want to take time out of my day to hang out with. Someone that I actually call to see if they want to hang out.
There are people I really want to get to know better, but really, I don't think they have a sliver of interest in me or anything I do really. Tony's an incredible guy, but I think the only reason he talks to me at all is my relationship with his brother, and therefore being a 'part of the family'. Matt Moss, my crush back in 7th grade is becoming one my favorite people to talk to, but he only has interest in me because I'm his second alto in adv. jazz band this year, and he has to 'train' me for when I take first alto next year.
The other way around is that those who have some interest at all in knowing me, I have no interest in. I seem to attract retards of every kind. Cody and Jay are beautiful examples of that.
And right in the middle, there are those I love and who love me in turn, we just.. don't know each other that much. Like Emily, the mormon freshman that looks like me. She's wonderful, and I love her entirely, and it seems she loves me as well, but it just doesn't click I guess. I have an entire disposal of these freshman worshippers, and again, I love them all, but I don't see our friendship becoming a hard-core one.
Maybe I just need to shut myself into the internet again until I meet people, like I did before high school. I had plenty of people I would talk to that I didn't even know back then, but.. I got out of it because of how fake it was.. and absolutely ridiculous at the same time, so I doubt that would satisfy me now.
I guess I just need to make friends with myself for the time being via journal (i.e. just posting whatever again) until something happens and I have a life again.