*gag*
so today was spent doing nothing. except really thinking alot. i am so sick of being alone. i mean, i could be in a room full of people i know and love and i still feel like i'm standing there by myself. and i just feel like i'm defective and no one is going to want me anymore. cuz of all my past mistakes and shit. it's really just bringing me down. and i try to be optimistic, but one can only be optimistic for so long. i dunno. maybe it's the fact that it's christmas time and i will be all alone for christmas. like i am every year. no special somebody to give presents to. no one to kiss under the mistletoe. no one to hold hands and cuddle with by the fire. but then again, it's been like that every year. so why should this year be any different?
so i basically got shut down by tyler tonite. we were talking online and he said he really wasn't THAT attracted to me. and then i talked to my ex last nite and he has a new g/f. and that just upset me too. i know i put up this huge front of wanting to make out with guys all the time and shit. and part of it is true. i do like to get action. but it's just getting so tedious now. i really do want a relationship. i just have no idea how to go about getting one, and keeping it.
all of this shit is my fault. i AM the defective one.
so i basically got shut down by tyler tonite. we were talking online and he said he really wasn't THAT attracted to me. and then i talked to my ex last nite and he has a new g/f. and that just upset me too. i know i put up this huge front of wanting to make out with guys all the time and shit. and part of it is true. i do like to get action. but it's just getting so tedious now. i really do want a relationship. i just have no idea how to go about getting one, and keeping it.
all of this shit is my fault. i AM the defective one.