(no subject)
so...
i've been moved out for a month (tomorrow, the 24th). let me tell you one thing. it's not everything everyone makes it out to be. i totally feel like i'm out of place and uncomfortable. it's not better than it was at my mom and dad's, yet it's not worse either. it's indescribable. i don't feel i have any more freedom than i did at my parents. everything's pretty much the same...i don't get to watch t.v when i want, i can't go out and smoke a cigarette without getting bitched at, i have to hide my 'pot habit', i have to clean up other people's messes, and hassle to get to work everyday. the only plus is my mom not nagging at me to go to bed. sure...i get to go to sleep when i want, kinda, but i mean other than that. don't listen to the hypeness everyone plays it out to be. live at home for as long as you can.
work has sucked so bad lately. i'm honestly scared to leave my job and work somewhere else simply because that was/is my first job, and i'm so comfortable there, and i'm not always the one who deals with change that well, buuuuuut it's to the point where i can't take it anymore, and even calling in, or leaving shifts early seems better than making a few more bucks. i hate it at work, being at home isn't always the best enviornment for me either.
i wish i had a car. maybe i SHOULD have saved for a car. a lot of the time i just feel like taking a drive, but can't. i'd take a walk, but fuck...i'm on my feet all fucking day. besides, driving to me is soothing. put on some good music, go where ever, drive away. i've actually never got to do THAT, but i have driven, and i go into a zone where i block out everyone else who's in the car.
i'm so emotional lately. i don't even know what the deal is. alycia hates it. (along with everything else). living with her is what i've always wanted, but it's not exactly what i thought it'd be. i don't neccessarily know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i don't really like thinking OR talking about it because my head gets full and i don't like that. i like being stress free, but lately, i've been everything but.
damn, after not posting in hella long and then writing all of this...it kinda sounds pretty depressing, huh? don't get me wrong. i guess i'm making it seem like things have been worse than they actually have, but everyone has their problems, right?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ just a thought ~*~*~*~*~*~*
for two people who have been together a long time and know it's not (and wasn't) going to last forever...how would one tell the other when it's time, and their feelings just aren't the same anymore? :( i think about this a lot, and i'm not looking forward to the day when i have to hear that. then again, i don't think it's something that should be kept from the person when that time does come. it's going to hurt like hell to hear that when the day comes, but for the day to come when you find that out in a way you should not have had to, other than hearing it from the other, that would just be heartbreak for life. especially when you know that your feelings for them will never change no matter who you're with in the future, or where you two go. you know you'll always love them, and shit. yeah.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*
i've been moved out for a month (tomorrow, the 24th). let me tell you one thing. it's not everything everyone makes it out to be. i totally feel like i'm out of place and uncomfortable. it's not better than it was at my mom and dad's, yet it's not worse either. it's indescribable. i don't feel i have any more freedom than i did at my parents. everything's pretty much the same...i don't get to watch t.v when i want, i can't go out and smoke a cigarette without getting bitched at, i have to hide my 'pot habit', i have to clean up other people's messes, and hassle to get to work everyday. the only plus is my mom not nagging at me to go to bed. sure...i get to go to sleep when i want, kinda, but i mean other than that. don't listen to the hypeness everyone plays it out to be. live at home for as long as you can.
work has sucked so bad lately. i'm honestly scared to leave my job and work somewhere else simply because that was/is my first job, and i'm so comfortable there, and i'm not always the one who deals with change that well, buuuuuut it's to the point where i can't take it anymore, and even calling in, or leaving shifts early seems better than making a few more bucks. i hate it at work, being at home isn't always the best enviornment for me either.
i wish i had a car. maybe i SHOULD have saved for a car. a lot of the time i just feel like taking a drive, but can't. i'd take a walk, but fuck...i'm on my feet all fucking day. besides, driving to me is soothing. put on some good music, go where ever, drive away. i've actually never got to do THAT, but i have driven, and i go into a zone where i block out everyone else who's in the car.
i'm so emotional lately. i don't even know what the deal is. alycia hates it. (along with everything else). living with her is what i've always wanted, but it's not exactly what i thought it'd be. i don't neccessarily know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i don't really like thinking OR talking about it because my head gets full and i don't like that. i like being stress free, but lately, i've been everything but.
damn, after not posting in hella long and then writing all of this...it kinda sounds pretty depressing, huh? don't get me wrong. i guess i'm making it seem like things have been worse than they actually have, but everyone has their problems, right?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ just a thought ~*~*~*~*~*~*
for two people who have been together a long time and know it's not (and wasn't) going to last forever...how would one tell the other when it's time, and their feelings just aren't the same anymore? :( i think about this a lot, and i'm not looking forward to the day when i have to hear that. then again, i don't think it's something that should be kept from the person when that time does come. it's going to hurt like hell to hear that when the day comes, but for the day to come when you find that out in a way you should not have had to, other than hearing it from the other, that would just be heartbreak for life. especially when you know that your feelings for them will never change no matter who you're with in the future, or where you two go. you know you'll always love them, and shit. yeah.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*