2022: Can I Just Not Wake Up Anymore So That Jake Immediately Gets His Rights and Privileges Back?
Things have not improved since we last left off. I’m still pretending everything is fine while I’m dead inside at best, I’ve stopped being my eccentric self so that my boss won’t be angry with me anymore, and my family is still angry with me for becoming my own person in August.
I’m also still getting those ‘reminders’ from my boss that are in lieu of Jake’s staff, the administrators of where he lives, his parents/guardians, and former providers who’ve worked with him before he was institutionalized. The ‘reminders’ are everything from ‘Jake will hurt you if he ever got the chance’ to ‘The only way things will improve for Jake and his roommates is if you’re six feet under’. They’re sporadic for now, however, I expect them to intensify dramatically on January 1st as Jake will officially be expelled from self-advocacy in North Dakota. I can’t take anymore of this!! I’m continually ruining his life and causing him to lose the few rights and privileges he has to his name by existing!! He’s barely allowed to acknowledge people’s existence, let alone leave the institution because I’m still existing!! He’s not even allowed to see his family over the holidays because of me!! I’m done, no more!! What the fuck am I supposed to be to 100% ensure that he gets all of his rights and privileges back, gets immediately released from LSTC, and is able to actually see his family again?! I’ve tried all the normal conventions and that didn’t work, I’m up to attempt #20 and that hasn’t worked, and I don’t have the income needed to have someone brutally end me so that’s not an option for me either!! I’m out of ideas and I don’t care how it happens, I want him to get everything back and then some because he deserves to have freedom and an actual future!!