Leigh!fic | A Spot of Advice (1/1) | Stephen & Jonathan Cornfoot
Title: A Spot of Advice (1/1)
Author: Leigh, aka leigh_adams
Characters: Stephen & Jonathan Cornfoot
Rating: G
Word Count: 598
Summary: Stephen gives his son advice on women.
Author’s Notes: This was written for mugglechump as part of my Unemployment 2011 Drabble Meme -- which has now become my Unemployment 2011-2012 Drabble Meme. -_- After a long absence, I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Stephen is one of my RPG characters at pinksheep_wench, and Jonathan is his oldest son as played (also by me) at pink_lambs. Kate, I hope you enjoy this! I ♥ our little family.
"The most important thing to remember, son, is that women are impetuous creatures. It doesn't matter how calm or normal they seem, there will inevitably be times when something -- be it something you've done, something that happened at school or work, or just something completely random -- sets them off. When that happens, you have two options. One -- try and talk reason into her. Soothe her, tell her she's beautiful and perfect, and that no one else can compare. Your other option is to move out of throwing range and let her temper rage. That one's usually your best option.
Always remember to treat a girl right. Above all, that means respect. Never swear in front of a woman -- not even your sisters. It's ill-mannered and shows you don't respect her enough. I don't care if she curses like a sailor, you are not to do the same. A gentlemen never curses in front of a lady. And it should go without saying, but you are never ever to hit a woman -- again, not even your sisters.
Actions often speak louder than words, and you, Jonathan, have never been the most talkative of people. Hold the door for her, help her into her seat at the dinner table. If you can, fix her dinner, or take her out and show her off. Be proud of the woman you have on your arm -- she'll appreciate it more than you'll ever know.
At the same time, it's important to take care of yourself. Like I said, women are temperamental. They'll do a number on your emotions. Trust me, I know. Don't take abuse from a bird or from her relatives. It's natural that brothers will want to defend their sisters against you, but that doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be a punching bag. If they swing, you swing back and beat the fire out of them.
I'm sure your mother would prefer you not bring home a girl you met at a bar. Well, don't tell her I said this, but she has no room to talk on that score, alright? If she makes you happy enough to bring her round to meet us, then that's fine with me.
If you do something to get you into trouble -- and it's inevitable. Again women are a emotionally dodgy beings -- then the easiest thing you can do is apologize. It's tough, but you have the capability to be the bigger person. Flowers and chocolates are always good cards to play, but don't overuse them. You don't want to seem like a cliché. Show her that you care. You'll know what to do when the time comes.
And don't forget this: a woman will always go crazy for a man who slays dragons for her."
Jonathan squirmed in his seat, clutching his plush dragon to his chest. "But Daddy, do I have to slay Smaug?"
Stephen smiled at the five year-old, his eyes so earnest and sincere. Somehow, he doubted this was the advice his son had wanted when he'd asked about what to do with the pretty girl at the park, but it was good knowledge. Jonathan could file it away for the future, if nothing else.
"No, son, you don't have to slay Smaug."
His son gave him a wide, toothy grin, and tightened his grip on his stuffed toy. "Good."
The older man nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Why don't you run into the kitchen, see if Mummy has any fresh bikkies-"
Jonathan was gone before Stephen could finish his sentence.
Author: Leigh, aka leigh_adams
Characters: Stephen & Jonathan Cornfoot
Rating: G
Word Count: 598
Summary: Stephen gives his son advice on women.
Author’s Notes: This was written for mugglechump as part of my Unemployment 2011 Drabble Meme -- which has now become my Unemployment 2011-2012 Drabble Meme. -_- After a long absence, I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Stephen is one of my RPG characters at pinksheep_wench, and Jonathan is his oldest son as played (also by me) at pink_lambs. Kate, I hope you enjoy this! I ♥ our little family.
"The most important thing to remember, son, is that women are impetuous creatures. It doesn't matter how calm or normal they seem, there will inevitably be times when something -- be it something you've done, something that happened at school or work, or just something completely random -- sets them off. When that happens, you have two options. One -- try and talk reason into her. Soothe her, tell her she's beautiful and perfect, and that no one else can compare. Your other option is to move out of throwing range and let her temper rage. That one's usually your best option.
Always remember to treat a girl right. Above all, that means respect. Never swear in front of a woman -- not even your sisters. It's ill-mannered and shows you don't respect her enough. I don't care if she curses like a sailor, you are not to do the same. A gentlemen never curses in front of a lady. And it should go without saying, but you are never ever to hit a woman -- again, not even your sisters.
Actions often speak louder than words, and you, Jonathan, have never been the most talkative of people. Hold the door for her, help her into her seat at the dinner table. If you can, fix her dinner, or take her out and show her off. Be proud of the woman you have on your arm -- she'll appreciate it more than you'll ever know.
At the same time, it's important to take care of yourself. Like I said, women are temperamental. They'll do a number on your emotions. Trust me, I know. Don't take abuse from a bird or from her relatives. It's natural that brothers will want to defend their sisters against you, but that doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be a punching bag. If they swing, you swing back and beat the fire out of them.
I'm sure your mother would prefer you not bring home a girl you met at a bar. Well, don't tell her I said this, but she has no room to talk on that score, alright? If she makes you happy enough to bring her round to meet us, then that's fine with me.
If you do something to get you into trouble -- and it's inevitable. Again women are a emotionally dodgy beings -- then the easiest thing you can do is apologize. It's tough, but you have the capability to be the bigger person. Flowers and chocolates are always good cards to play, but don't overuse them. You don't want to seem like a cliché. Show her that you care. You'll know what to do when the time comes.
And don't forget this: a woman will always go crazy for a man who slays dragons for her."
Jonathan squirmed in his seat, clutching his plush dragon to his chest. "But Daddy, do I have to slay Smaug?"
Stephen smiled at the five year-old, his eyes so earnest and sincere. Somehow, he doubted this was the advice his son had wanted when he'd asked about what to do with the pretty girl at the park, but it was good knowledge. Jonathan could file it away for the future, if nothing else.
"No, son, you don't have to slay Smaug."
His son gave him a wide, toothy grin, and tightened his grip on his stuffed toy. "Good."
The older man nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Why don't you run into the kitchen, see if Mummy has any fresh bikkies-"
Jonathan was gone before Stephen could finish his sentence.