(no subject)
ki today was a bit weird; don't know how i'll do for section b, but c'est la vie - shall trust God.
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i haven't been following the campaign as indepth-ly as alan or zhang, but here's to tomorrow, and i hope you win.
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and math frightens me. knowing all this will end in 1.5 weeks scares me even more - the freedom at the end. i'm still so undecided about so many things, and i hope the paths i ought to take will reveal themselves to me in due course.
i want to recapture all the lost parts of me - i will overcome my crippled state in my mother tongue, fulfill my dream of performing on stage in the medium i love best, and trace the forgotten roads in singapore... i love my new estate. it's beautiful. farrer court was awesome but being part of the bukit timah club (okay its lowly cousin, but nonetheless...) it was such a sheltered life, everything was painted with an air of white-collar class... over here anything's so much more real. not anchorage mind you, goodness no, but the feel of the place... people in office garb eating at koufu, or the lovely rival neighbouring confectionaries that i have fallen in love with... the aunty who steeps over her stool crafting a rattan swing... it's just so full of sights and sounds i never saw. reminds me of rustic malaysia.
i remember ying or xiu once told me that i was too sheltered because i had never experienced death in my life... that year, my great-grandmother passed away on new year's eve... she died in a home. i can't remember why we put her there. i think she had scabies or something of that sort. i kinda miss her.. but i guess in that way i have been way more privileged than half of my friends who have never even met their grandparents.
don't know why i'm being so recollective at this hour. maybe it was the 5 hours of math in a row. maybe i ought to be doing some econs. but really, every day that passes i grow stronger in the conviction that the most important thing in these exams is to do your best: you're not defined by your grades, and you should never be. take a look at the world around us - are the 'successful' people we see in the working world today the academically intelligent? no. they are there because they are shrewd, or possess integrity, or have that entrepreneurial spirit that simply never dies. sure, academic success may have been part and parcel of that intelligence, but being ranked 1st throughout your life says nothing about you if you do not live.
WOW. that was like major cartharsis.
i want to live.
(: and part of that life i am living is with my beloved sorry monster. but i know i must strengthen my self individually, so i can be better for him, for my friends, for my family too....