(no subject)
Adam's right, I don't need the bullshit. I don't need to drown with these people. But see, I've always been the kind of person who believes in standing by your friends, come hell or high water. If the ship goes down, you're right there with them. That's a friend. Or so I thought. I'm just repeatedly sabotaging myself by caring too much. By involving myself for too long. For not cutting the umbilical cord earlier. I remember once upon a time that I used to be fun. Remember? I was. I was fun. I miss that person. Adam's right right right. Mark it in yer calender. And as for the other topic we discussed.......I never really thought about that before. That I literally don't NEED someone. It's just that I see couples together and get jealous and sad wondering why I can't have that. Wanting that because other people have that and I'm jealous by nature. If I were a deadly sin I'd be Envy. And I want that sort of mundane relationship. Because it's normal. Because it's status quo. I've changed a lot in the past few years. I keep having these internal struggles with what I want and what I need. Those are definitely two different things. I want someone. I don't need them. it'd just be nice. I miss the stupid shit that couples do. Like getting peed on in the shower and playing 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea...or maybe that's just me. Ha. I don't know. I say that a lot don't I? Yes, that's how I always seem to feel. Adam has ordered me to be at his house tomorrow night. We're going to do something, maybe a movie. I think it's sweet of him. I think Adam's just what I need right now. Someone needs to light a fire under my ass.