get me to the church on time
I considered a mental break down this morning, but damn it I JUST don't have the time!
I was so hurried yesterday between shifts at work that I left my lights on and had to get my car jumped after two 6 hour shifts! I was SOOO tired and forgot to sit in my car for 10 or more minutes when I got home to let the battery charge. So I'm RUSHING to get to church, so I can be there early to get vested for Mass but NOOOOO the battery is DEAD again.
(large swearing episode)
I run back to my house, throw off my dress jacket and grab by ski jacket. I throw my dirty work shirt and pants, a novel, and my laptop computer, into my "Harry Potter Pack Pack" (British School Bag). I grab by bike. LOW AIR IN THE TIRES. This is where I almost start crying. Today will be my 11th day of work IN A ROW which has included 8 double shifts. I am so SORE and TIRED that I want to go back to bed. It is now 10 minutes before Mass will start and I will clearly not be there in time to serve. I feel my head broad-sided by this feeling of sheer exhaustion and futility. I do not like to miss Mass on Sundays. Everything seems off to me when I do not take that time on Sunday. It has been bad enough to be working on Wednesdays during Lent when our Lenten Programme is, I just can not miss Sunday no matter how crappy I feel.
I decided not to crawl back into bed and grabbed my bike and my keys. I rushed out to my car where my bike pump is. It is in my trunk because I had to pump up my CAR tire for a few days each time I drove it until I could get new tires. I put air in my tires and peddled off to church. I was only ten minutes late tops, and the Great Litany was only half way finished.
I am now having my coffee and feel much better. It is the moments when all the little things go wrong that I get the most frustrated, the most overwhelmed. I usually sigh, take a breath, and than laugh at my situation. One one side there is a part of me that says "THIS is not what I expected my life at (almost) Forty would be. I'm and undiscovered, struggling artist, ridding a $60 girls bike to work at a crappy restaurant!" I would surely like a decent studio to live and work out of with the equipment i NEED to work, and a car that works- I don't mean a mansion and BMW either. However, I would rather keep my sense of humour, faith, the gift to see the world fresh though the lens of my camera, than be "that guy" who has a nice house (payment), nice car (payment), but no personality, care for others, and adventures and stories to tell.
Though I feel completely worn out today, I'm really quite content overall. I am thankful for what I do have. My life could be a whole lot worse!
I was so hurried yesterday between shifts at work that I left my lights on and had to get my car jumped after two 6 hour shifts! I was SOOO tired and forgot to sit in my car for 10 or more minutes when I got home to let the battery charge. So I'm RUSHING to get to church, so I can be there early to get vested for Mass but NOOOOO the battery is DEAD again.
(large swearing episode)
I run back to my house, throw off my dress jacket and grab by ski jacket. I throw my dirty work shirt and pants, a novel, and my laptop computer, into my "Harry Potter Pack Pack" (British School Bag). I grab by bike. LOW AIR IN THE TIRES. This is where I almost start crying. Today will be my 11th day of work IN A ROW which has included 8 double shifts. I am so SORE and TIRED that I want to go back to bed. It is now 10 minutes before Mass will start and I will clearly not be there in time to serve. I feel my head broad-sided by this feeling of sheer exhaustion and futility. I do not like to miss Mass on Sundays. Everything seems off to me when I do not take that time on Sunday. It has been bad enough to be working on Wednesdays during Lent when our Lenten Programme is, I just can not miss Sunday no matter how crappy I feel.
I decided not to crawl back into bed and grabbed my bike and my keys. I rushed out to my car where my bike pump is. It is in my trunk because I had to pump up my CAR tire for a few days each time I drove it until I could get new tires. I put air in my tires and peddled off to church. I was only ten minutes late tops, and the Great Litany was only half way finished.
I am now having my coffee and feel much better. It is the moments when all the little things go wrong that I get the most frustrated, the most overwhelmed. I usually sigh, take a breath, and than laugh at my situation. One one side there is a part of me that says "THIS is not what I expected my life at (almost) Forty would be. I'm and undiscovered, struggling artist, ridding a $60 girls bike to work at a crappy restaurant!" I would surely like a decent studio to live and work out of with the equipment i NEED to work, and a car that works- I don't mean a mansion and BMW either. However, I would rather keep my sense of humour, faith, the gift to see the world fresh though the lens of my camera, than be "that guy" who has a nice house (payment), nice car (payment), but no personality, care for others, and adventures and stories to tell.
Though I feel completely worn out today, I'm really quite content overall. I am thankful for what I do have. My life could be a whole lot worse!