it seems to me like you are thinking that if you don't get back together, then the whole thing must become a thing of the past. though it is human nature to want to grow, and stalling that growth will ultimately lead to despair, this is not the case. for quite awhile, for whatever reasons, for whatever virtues he possessed, dan gave to you the pinnacle of your enjoyment of life. throughout your relationship he helped you grow, and you helped him grow, and it was a nice, mutual relationship. how you have changed throughout that will always be with you, and it will always have been through his help. however, there has come a time when you want to grow beyond what dan can give to you. this is not to say that he has grown less, but merely that you now have obtained that which he had that you also needed. thus, your sentiments of breaking up are understandable, as if staying with him will really halt your growth, even momentarily, it wouldn't be right to force yourself to stay. and yet, there is still the possibility that there remains more that dan can receive from you. even after breaking up, there is no wall saying that you cannot help him anymore. even if you move onto different things, you do not have to stray from that which you once regarded as these new things. from my understanding, "breaking up" merely eliminates the exclusivity of a relationship, but not the relationship itself. on the other hand, perhaps dan has grown all he has from you, as you may have from him. in this case, you can both move onto the next steps of your lives. you can of course still return to the previous step when you want to be together, and you can even enjoy it as much as you do now, despite it perhaps being less often. in fact, neglecting the previous steps once moving on to new ones also tends to cause despair. from my understanding, this is the cause of yours. by growing emotionally and intellectually, you are by definition changing. while you may choose to say goodbye to emotions and activities in the past, this is not a prerequisite. you clearly do not want to move on from dan, so don't. still see him whenever the need arises. however, don't neglect the opportunity to see other people or do other things if that opportunity arises. don't be so keen to limit your exposure to the world based on "relationship doctrines."
overall, i guess my point is that you can continue to grow, which you seem to want to do, without leaving dan behind, which i believe is the cause of your stress.
wow, this has been an incredibly long [and definitely appreciated] comment, mr. evans! i completely agree with you about the growth thing. i have learned a lot from daniel, there's no doubt. i know that i would be a completely different person if he wasn't in my life for so long. i think you're probably right. if i stopped growing, and being challenged, then it made things harder. i guess i never really looked at things from that perspective. i really hope you're right about being able to stay friends and learn from each other though we are apart. from my understanding, "breaking up" merely eliminates the exclusivity of a relationship, but not the relationship itself. i completely, 100% agree with that statement. i want nothing more than for this to be true. i hope we can move on and be alright with it. he deserves that. he is an amazing person and he deserves whatever will make him happy. i like you're idea about seeing him and being with him as a friend. i hope that he will agree with that. that last line brought a smile to my face. it's comforting and encouraging. i like it. thank you so much for your insight paul. i had to read it a few times, you're rather wordy when you get inspired to write something. but i truly do value every word of what you have posted. you are a great person. <3
for quite awhile, for whatever reasons, for whatever virtues he possessed, dan gave to you the pinnacle of your enjoyment of life. throughout your relationship he helped you grow, and you helped him grow, and it was a nice, mutual relationship. how you have changed throughout that will always be with you, and it will always have been through his help.
however, there has come a time when you want to grow beyond what dan can give to you. this is not to say that he has grown less, but merely that you now have obtained that which he had that you also needed. thus, your sentiments of breaking up are understandable, as if staying with him will really halt your growth, even momentarily, it wouldn't be right to force yourself to stay.
and yet, there is still the possibility that there remains more that dan can receive from you. even after breaking up, there is no wall saying that you cannot help him anymore. even if you move onto different things, you do not have to stray from that which you once regarded as these new things. from my understanding, "breaking up" merely eliminates the exclusivity of a relationship, but not the relationship itself.
on the other hand, perhaps dan has grown all he has from you, as you may have from him. in this case, you can both move onto the next steps of your lives. you can of course still return to the previous step when you want to be together, and you can even enjoy it as much as you do now, despite it perhaps being less often. in fact, neglecting the previous steps once moving on to new ones also tends to cause despair. from my understanding, this is the cause of yours.
by growing emotionally and intellectually, you are by definition changing. while you may choose to say goodbye to emotions and activities in the past, this is not a prerequisite. you clearly do not want to move on from dan, so don't. still see him whenever the need arises. however, don't neglect the opportunity to see other people or do other things if that opportunity arises. don't be so keen to limit your exposure to the world based on "relationship doctrines."
overall, i guess my point is that you can continue to grow, which you seem to want to do, without leaving dan behind, which i believe is the cause of your stress.
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i completely agree with you about the growth thing. i have learned a lot from daniel, there's no doubt.
i know that i would be a completely different person if he wasn't in my life for so long.
i think you're probably right. if i stopped growing, and being challenged, then it made things harder.
i guess i never really looked at things from that perspective.
i really hope you're right about being able to stay friends and learn from each other though we are apart.
from my understanding, "breaking up" merely eliminates the exclusivity of a relationship, but not the relationship itself.
i completely, 100% agree with that statement. i want nothing more than for this to be true.
i hope we can move on and be alright with it. he deserves that. he is an amazing person and he deserves whatever will make him happy.
i like you're idea about seeing him and being with him as a friend. i hope that he will agree with that.
that last line brought a smile to my face. it's comforting and encouraging. i like it.
thank you so much for your insight paul. i had to read it a few times, you're rather wordy when you get inspired to write something.
but i truly do value every word of what you have posted. you are a great person. <3
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